I always knew there was going to be this hard time out here. I always knew there was going to be a point of this journey where I feel as though I've kind of hit rock bottom. And in knowing that and planning for that it still feels as though it has kind of hit me harder than I expected. And to be honest with all of you I don't think that I have really hit rock bottom.
I don't know what it is. Maybe it's the fact that I know the season is changing into fall back home, but out here there seems to be absolutely no change, besides what it on television. Maybe it's the fact that in my early adult life fall really has become my favorite of seasons with tailgating for college football, fantasy football with the fellas, and the way the trees begin to change colors right before your eyes.
The thing is that being out here all of those things seem to be nothing more than a distant memory. And those pictures that are hanging up on my walls and on my dresser seem to be getting farther and farther away. I obviously know that's not true, and to be honest I always go through a slight low point this time of the year but it has just hit me a little harder this year.
I feel so close to everything that I've ever wanted and yet at the same time it all seems to be thousands of miles away. Is this the duality of man? The feeling of everything happening all at once right along side with complete isolation.
I know I'm must sound like a person who has completely lost the plot so to speak. I wish I could say that it was the first time I sound or felt like this. There was a funny thing that happened to me an hour ago. I was looking through some paperwork to get for my boss that just got me a gig a few days ago and I stumble upon an envelope that said important docs.
I had forgotten what was in the envelope because, well because I forget things a lot.(can't wait for that early onset dementia diagnoses) And when I emptied out the envelope there was my passport that I had just spent all of he last thirty minutes looking for. (On a side note, if you want to talk about a terrible picture that makes me look like a person that kidnaps little kids, that would be my passport photo) But what I found along side of my passport is why I'm writing this.
Among my important docs were my passport, my social security card, photo booth pictures of me and my closets friends from my best friends wedding, and a NBA finals home game 1 ticket to the 2012 NBA Playoffs. It is quite funny and on other levels quite pathetic that these are the things that I hold of most importance to me right now as a almost 29 year old male. I feel as though that I am a really stunted individual at this point in my life.
But then there is this other side of me that finds it incredibly interesting to think about what will be in my important docs envelope 5 years from now, and also what would have been in my important docs envelope 5 years ago. I guess just a little food for thought. Anyway, I don't know if any of that made since to anyone but me, I guess I'm glad I'm back in the saddle again writing the weirdest thoughts in the world out for all 5 of you out there to read.
If you haven't had a chance to go see this movie you should. It speaks volumes to my generation.
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