My First Big Break

I've been sitting here for the past couple of days really trying to take in what has happened to me.  It's one of those things that you really can't believe that it's happening when it's actually happening and now that it's over or that I'm a few days removed from the situation it feels more like a dream than anything else.  

When I started this quest lets say a little more than two years ago.  Because weather anybody knew it or not I had secretly set in motion events that would lead me to where I am today.  So two years ago when I made this deal with myself that I was going to steadily save up and really grow a pair of balls so that I could leave Oklahoma and journey across country to Los Angeles to pursue my dreams of getting into this business they call show I didn't realize that I would be here writing about this.  

Because the thing is like most things that I get in my head I have always been the classic creature of no follow throw.  I always build things up in my head of the worst possible outcome and just think that this is the way it is and always will be.  So I guess what I'm trying to say is that two years ago when I set out for all of this deep down somewhere I just felt that it never really was going to happen.  

So being able to write this entry right here and right now gives me so much joy and makes me realize that all of those things that you want.  Those things out there that you really want and really go after are right there for the taking.  And sure there will be ups and downs, there will be wins and losses, but if you can just dig down and really just let your balls hang out you really never now what can happen to you or for you.

Three days ago I think it is safe to say that I got a phone call that has forever changed my life.  And the thing about that sentence is this.  Most people when their lives change have no idea that it's about to happen or even that it did happen until the dust settles and they are able to look back on things.  But for me after that phone call I knew that things would never be the same for me.  I got my second break since I've been out here(the first being me landing the place I'm staying)I landed and internship working on a movie.  

Now for someone who talks about movies as much as I do, and watches as many movies as I do, and fancies himself a writer like I do there really are no words that I can even say to begin to describe it all.  Up until this point the best part of being out here has been being able to go see movies with one of my best friends again and sit around for hours talking about movies and the movie industry and talking shit to each other about our tastes in movies.  To be able to sit and really talk about movies and how we would make them and have this since of you know what we will make a movie together someday and it's gonna be special in all the ways that movies should be.

I'm sorry I just went on a little mini rant there and almost got completely off course.  Because working on this movie set and getting my own walkie talkie and learning the lingo and hearing all of these voices over the walkies sending people here and there giving directions to do this and that has been so exhilarating.  I mean when you hear people shouting, "PICTURES UP!"  "AND CUT, GOING AGAIN ON 1!"  "ROLLING, AND QUIET ON THE SET!"  I almost felt as if I was in a dream.  I can't believe this is all happening to me.  I feel like I'm apart of it all now.  like there was this piece of me that was missing or empty perhaps and I found it.  

No matter what happens from here on out I know that I've been apart of this business, and I know it wasn't the biggest or most important part of it but I was there.  I stood on a set and I took people breakfast orders, and I set up tents and watched trailers.  I had a cup of coffee with a couple of actors.(even though I hate coffee) I worked a 13 hour day on set and came home exhausted from being on my feet for so many hours, but dammit if I didn't sleep like a baby that night.

I am officially apart of this traveling circus that goes out there and creates movies for people to enjoy or not enjoy.  And I know that all days won't be like this and that being out here for just the short amount of time that I have been I know that it's hard, but getting a victory like the one I did on Saturday makes that two years of stress and anxiety of this decision seem totally worth it.  I will remember everything about that day. The smell, the place, the nervousness I felt, the complete joy and accomplishment you get from doing something you love.  I haven't felt the way I do and did that day in a long time, and let me just tell you all that I plan on feeling that way many more days to come.  So stay tuned, this is the beginning.