Luck

So lately I haven't been able to sleep.  I'm talking nightmares every couple of nights, the real deal.  And not those fairytale or scary movie nightmares like Freddy Kruger is chasing me or I'm trapped in a pit with a bunch of dragons.  I'm talking watching people that I love getting shot, or people that I love strangling me or my favorite me and a group of friends in a car that I'm driving and we get T-Boned and the car flips and catches on fire and we are all burning alive and I'm the last one that is still screaming before the car blows up.(I know the last one is particularly sick) So anyway, it's been really crazy because for the last couple of years of so I can't remember having but 1 or 2 nightmares and since I've been out here I've had more than a handful.  Now at first I was really thinking it all must be because of the change of scenery.  I thought I was just missing the good ol' sounds and smells of Oklahoma.  

But then as usual I began to think.  My favorite pastime these days I suppose.  And I started thinking about this sort of Yin and Yang thing that I think happens in life.  Because as I start to push onward with the things I really care about and the things in my life that are really worth pursuing I begin to have these anxieties and these nightmares.  I think that maybe life has this way of balancing things out.  That these nightmares and these anxieties are a reminder to stay focused to keep it all in perspective.  In a weird way I like them.  It sounds really weird but it feels a lot better than that time when there were no dreams for me to remember.

Enough about my wacky ass dreams though.  What I really wanted to talk about was luck.  I was talking to a friend of mine just a few days ago.  He was talking to me about this really good book he is reading about we began to talk about how people become successful and what it really takes.  It was a conversation that I needed to have because it made me think about all these different things.  About who I am, about my writing, about my goals.  For me those are the best conversations, the ones that leaving you with this thirst to want to know more.  

One of the big things that we talked about was luck, or being at the right place at the right time.  And in so many ways that is were I am right now, but for me I've always had this duality with luck and what it means.  Being somebody that devoted most of his life to baseball, you learn exactly what role luck plays in your life and it's a big part of it.  And the best quote that really sums of luck and life really comes from one of my favorite movies Bull Durham. 'Do you know what the difference between hitting .250 and .300 is? That's 25 hits...25 hits in 500 at bats is 50 points...ok. There's 6 months in a season. That's about 25 weeks, that means if you get just one extra flair a week, just one. A gork, you get a ground ball, you get a ground ball with eyes! You get a dying quail, just one more dying quail a week and you're in Yankee Stadium.'  

Some people out there may not understand this little insert.  Because it can be hard for those that didn't play the game or love it like me and so many others do.  But the thing about it is that in life you for the most part you are always just 50 points away from being exactly where you want to be.  And with the right breaks maybe a couple of hits will make it through and you'll get to .300.  But before that luck comes into play you have to make the preparation to put yourself in the best possible position.

But then there is the opposing argument to that position.  "A real man makes his own luck." -Billy Zane, Titanic.  And being a man and living in the time that I am I have to at least to some point think that this is true.  Who am I kidding I'm sure men for centuries have been dealing with these questions I know that I am no different.  But it does live in my head space and I always think about it.  And of course I have a favorite quote for this as well. "You're unlucky and nothing more than a frame of reference for the lucky Mr. Fisher. You're unlucky, so that I may know that I am not. Unfortunately, the lucky never realised they are lucky until its too late. Take yourself for instance, yesterday you were better off than you are today but it took today for you to realise it. But, today has arrived and it's too late. You see?"  I really don't know as to why I'm even talking about any of this.  I guess I have just been thinking about it for a bit and I think that maybe life is a little bit of both of these things.  You do get luck breaks in life, I really don't think that there is any way around that, but when you get those breaks you have to be ready, you have to be present, you have to be up for the challenge because luck isn't something that is going to last forever.  If you've stuck with me for this long on this post, I'm sorry.  Sometimes I ramble on and on about things that don't really matter to anybody but me.  But maybe this helps you a bit, or maybe it's somewhat entertaining to you and in that case I'm glad I wrote it.

I do have one last favor to ask you all.  For those of you that have come this far maybe you'll go a little bit farther.  This is the interactive part of my blog.  I am currently writing a short about love, and kind of the seasons of it if you will.  There are two seasons that I am struggling with, Winter and Spring.  I need your thoughts on a situation that you have all been a part of that feels like the comfort or old hat of a relationship.  A situation that you've been a part of in a relationship that only someone that has been in a long one knows.  Like the anxiety of sleeping apart.  Or the nervous feeling that something has happened and then they show up like nothings wrong.  Something like that.

Then I need an idea for Spring.  Almost like a first date or a meet cute thing.  Something that reminds you of spring too.  Anyways, I'm done blabbing.  Headed to see The Way Way Back, I'll let you all know how it is.