It's Not Complicated

Right at this very second I am about to do something that I never ever do. Something that I try my best to never do. And that something is to blow up a movie. I know how much it takes to make a movie, I know the effort that so many people put into something to try and make it great, so I almost feel that it is not my place to then go and try and tear it down. But the movie that I just got done watching needs to be kicked in the nuts. That movie that I am speaking of right now is , It's Complicated.

Now right off the bat I know that there are so many people out there that are going to absolutely love this movie, my sister being one of those people. I mean women in their 40's and up this movie is probably going to be right up your alley. Well most women in general it's going to be right up your alley, but the truth of the matter is that this movie is just downright bad, and I'm not talking about the Micheal Jackson song lyrics "Bad" , I'm talking this is a bad movie.

It really is hard for me to say this because I have become quite the fan of Nancy Meyers and her movies. I really do enjoy her other movies: What Women Want, Somethings got to Give is really good, and I was particularly fond of The Holiday. But this movie is something completely different. It really does just miss on so many different levels for me. The first being that for a movie with the title It's Complicated, it absolutely wasn't. The movie was a very one note movie that left no element of surprise and if you think you have it all figured out about thirty minutes into the movie, believe me you do. The second problem that I have with this movie is the fact that it really is tackling some heavy subject matter and it just does it in the fluffiest bullshit way imaginable. The thing that Meyers movies have always had going for them is the fact that the material never really out weighs the fluff in the movie. I mean her most notably hard hitting movie as far as material thus far as been Something's got to Give, and that movie was handled just right, but It's Complicated is a prime example of what can happen to a movie when there just isn't enough focus.

I mean the acting in this movie is very good. Steep is her usual great self, Baldwin turns in another great comedic performance, and Steve Martin does a surprisingly good job playing the nice guy role. Then there is John Krasinski playing the stuck in the middle you've seen it before comic relief of the movie and he does a really good job, but outside of these characters every other character in the movie is just paper thin.

One of the things that really gets me is the fact that this movie wants to tackle one of the most serious of subjects, divorce and how the people get along after they are divorced, but it wants to do it in the most light hearted of ways which is just complete bullshit for anyone who has been in the middle of this situation. The other thing is the fact that Meyers always creates this Brady Bunch super tight unstoppable families in her movies which can just be this sort of overkill if you ask me. Because every family has a shit ton of money with three kids that are just super close and are all on there way or already are super successful. It's just too much, and it almost makes all of the so called problems that the characters in the movie are having menial.

Not to mention the fact that when I was watching the movie and the family was together acting all close knit and everything it just came off so fucking forced. For me there really was no chemistry there with the family so much so that all the scenes when they are all together comes off as some cheezy 1970's sitcom or something, I mean it is just that bad. Now let's throw in the fact that throughout the whole movie the kids are talking about how it use to be and they are begging their mom to let their dad stay over, and are acting like they want the family back together. But the moment they find out that their parents have been sleeping together they all flip out start crying and leave the house. And these are kids that are in the their early to mid 20's and one who is probably in her early 30's. Granted every family is going to have a crier in it, but if you are going to tell me that every kid is going to leave in tears then I'm going to have to call bullshit.

And all the silly gags are at an all time high. It is almost like they try to put one after another to keep the crowd laughing instead of mixing in some really emotional true to life scenes that would in fact have made the movie more complicated. It cruises right along in this happy little bullshit story until it abruptly climaxes and then of course fixes it all in a couple of scenes at the end of the movie and everyone is happy and everyone knows their place. For me this movie was the biggest bunch of bullshit I have seen in a very long time, and I went and saw THE SPIRIT mind you. You might like this movie if you are reading this, but really this movie is a pile of shit.

You know people say a lot of shit and most of the time when most people are talking I can't help but think that they are full of shit. It's like a reflex for me now because so many people are full of shit, and my bullshit meter seems to be pretty good. Now why do you ask am I talking about people being full of shit. Well there seems to be this little bullshit cliche saying that has been really getting to me lately. You know when someone says that something is the hardest thing that they've ever had to do. You know like letting so and so go, or not going out, or breaking up with so and so. It's basically a whole list of things that you can fill in to that little saying.
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And the thing about it is that I want to be the one right here and right now to say that people that say that are one hundred percent full of shit. I am so sick of hearing people say it. I think the next person that says some stupid shit along those lines I'm just gonna reach back and punch them in the face, and if it's a girl I might just have to open hand slap the shit out of them. So everyone that his reading this right here and now just be warned. I mean really if whatever stupid fucking thing that you have conjured up in your mind was really that hard you wouldn't be going around talking about it. Because honestly if it was one of the hardest things that you had to do you wouldn't sit around talking about that shit. But whatever really I digress. I don't know why I am even talking about this. I mean nobody reads this self loathing shit anyway, who am I really if not just a thumbprint on the window of a skyscrapper. Whatever this is what I think if you don't like it, read something else.

Tell them they're Great

I have recently been doing some thinking, and as dangerous as that is I decided to do it anyway. And while I was thinking about the assortment of things that happen to go through my mind at any given time I came to this one thought that I really couldn't get out of my head. Before I say any of this I want to first start off by saying, I haven't had the best of luck recently. As a matter of fact my luck as been down right awful. But what is luck really besides a frame of reference. I am unlucky today so that someone else might know that they are lucky. But really when it's all happening to you there really is this feeling of people being lucky as opposed to yourself being unlucky. Which in fact is yet another reason why I love baseball. You can't be lucky and get away with it. The season is 162 games that will test your mental and physical toughness. And over that period of time, you can't just be lucky. It's not like taking a multiple choice test, or giving a presentation that you really haven't prepared for. In baseball you can't just be lucky, you have to be good. Sure you'll get your dying quails to fall in for hits every once in while, and you'll leave a pitch belt high that someone will swing through on occasion. But when it's all said and do, you can either pound the zone and get outs or you can't. You can either hit a curve
ball or you can't. There is no cheating the baseball gods, believe me. Anyway I'm totally off base with what I wanted to talk about, because of baseball. It just always seems to suck me right in. What I wanted to say to those of you listening out there is this. Tell someone they're great, hell tell a bunch of people. Tell your friends and family, tell complete strangers. Because so often in life that's all somebody needs to hear. They just need to know that there is someone out there that believes that they are great. And the crazy thing is they just might end up being just that. We all have it within us just waiting to burst out, and I think those words coming from somebody, even a perfect stranger can make all the difference. I know that is may sound foolish, but I want to invest in people. It's a fool proof plan for me. I may not make a ton of money of this investment, but I think I can make a ton of change. So hopefully if you've made it all the way through this you're not too mad for me wasting your time and maybe you've even gotten something from this, I hope so. And I hope that sometime in the near future you have the balls and the compassion to tell somebody they're great.

Dark Matter

I think deep down I always knew it would come to this. When you're a dreamer eventually you have to wake up right? Maybe not, maybe I'll stay in this trance, maybe I'll stay on or in this cloudless heaven. Maybe I'll be fine. You know maybe I'll just keep a little part of my brain empty for these dreams. Maybe I'll live in the now and do all the things that you have to do to be a productive person that somebody else can actually see something in. But somewhere right in the back of my head I'll keep my dreams alive. I don't want my fire to go out, I don't want that at all. But I can feel the light dimming, everyday I feel it dimming. And I'm fighting tooth and nail to stay a float. I'm in an ocean in my mind and there has been a storm kicking up for quiet sometime now. I don't have I life jacket, I've lost it somehow, I've lost my life jacket and all I can do know is keep kicking, keep treading, just keep my head above water for a little bit longer. I guess I always knew it would come to this, but I guess I just thought it wouldn't happen this soon. I guess I thought that at this point in my life I would be so totally inspired that I would be able to move mountains, but I'm not. I feel like everyday I become less inspired. I feel like I am beginning to look at people and see the worst in them, and I feel like it might be bringing out the worst in me. I feel dark, I feel empty, I feel alone.

Independent Film

There is something lovely about independent film. Most people don't really see it, but I do. And I'm happy that I do. Every weekend people will go to the movies, and they'll go see Couples Retreat, The Proposal, Paul Blart, or any number of big budget mind numbing movies, believe me the list goes on and on. Now I am by no means saying that there isn't a time and place for these big budget movies. God know as long as they are making transformer movies I will be going to see them. All I'm saying is that for my money I'm going independent. There is something inspiring about these films. They have a feeling that makes you feel as if they are routed within the real world. And there is something so special about walking out of a movie and knowing that the story you just sat through is really important to somebody. There is something so special about these movies. I promise you they are worth it. So don't always take the easy way out when you are at blockbusters. Look for something that you've never seen before that catches your eye. Sure there are a few duds in there group, but no more than the big budget movies that are released everyday. Today I watched a movie with my mother. A movie by the name of Management. And not only did this movie make me feel something special, but it also made me realize that given the right material Jennifer Aniston can actually act. She is more than just a pretty face and the some of her Rachel character from friends. Who would have ever thought that with movies such as Rumor Has it or Derailed. But seriously check out movies like Management, Adventureland, Brick, The Brothers Bloom, or even Funny People even though it might have had a bigger budget it is still a pretty special and personal movie.

Moments

There are moments in life that can be bigger than the sky. You may not know these moments when they are happening, but eventually you will look back and realize that you just had a defining moment. It seems to me lately that these moments have been few and far between. And it has just come to me that this is the case. I feel like right now I'm in a pool of stag net water. I don't know why but I know that this is not the person I was always destine to be. this can't be the person that I was always destine to be, because really quiet honestly I fucking hate this person. I had this vision of my life and when I think back to when I was like ten years old, this is definitely not even close to the vision that I had in mind. Now granted there really is no way humanly possible that I could have been a Jedi Knight. But come on, when the hell am I going to have another big moment. It's like I'm stuck in some sort of purgatory. God I am beginning to loathe my twenties. Where is my moment? Where is the thing that makes my story great? Every great story has an even greater moment. The moment that everyone talks about, the one that they always connect to. The truly great movies have this moment that I'm talking about. When a movie is earth shattering it seems like it is filled with them. Then there are some movies that the moment is basically the soundtrack within the movie. I am a firm believer that this moment is incredibly important, and whenever I am in a movie I search this moment out among other things, and I guess this search as bled into my life as well and I regret to say that I have no great moments. Even the moments in my life that I might feel are great to the outside viewer they are mediocre at best. I need to figure out what am I doing wrong. I need to start to live, before I look up one day and it's all over. I guess that's what I have been trying to say this whole time. It is important to live, not to sit idly on the sideline watching as other people make important memories, because you will regret it. Don't be afraid to get in there and get your hands dirty, make enemies, piss people off, fuck up all the time if you have to. At least when it's all over you will realize that it was worth it. You gotta live for the moments in life. Don't be a secondary character in your own life because sooner or later you'll wake up one day and want to drive a pick axe through your own skull. Live for the moments.

Failure

I myself am afraid of failure. That has always been my biggest fear. It's so crazy but when I was in seventh grade we had to write an essay about our biggest fears and most people said spiders or snakes or any other of the everyday things that kids would say frighten them, but then there was me, Brandon Ponder seventh grade and already I was afraid that my life was going to be a failure. That is the craziest thing, especially taking into consideration my current situation. But that really is another issue for another day. The real thing is what makes a seventh grader so afraid of failure. I guess I was/am just that kid.

I'm talking about this because well I am about to enter my first film in a film festival, and although I want to think that I'm going to knock it out of the park I just have this feeling that I am going to fail. But really the more and more that I think about it I just don't care if I fail. I guess the thing is that I've failed enough in life. Baseball, girls, etc. It just really doesn't matter you know. Some people fail, well really most people fail and I plan of failing a whole lot, because at least if I'm failing, that means that I'm doing something, not just sitting around with my buddies drinking beer talking about what we should be doing. There is a quote in a movie that I really like, and it goes something like this. "What you're seeing is not the real me. The real me is a spectacular failure." I've always liked that line, I don't know why, maybe every since I've heard it I've hoped that one day I would get the chance to say it, to really say it and mean it you know. Because I feel like with the right feeling I could wear that as a badge of honor. Now I'm not saying that I am a failure or that that is what I want to be when I grow up, I'm just saying I'm not really as afraid of it as I once was.

What am I?

Wow, I think that is has been a little while since I have been on here, and I already know what you are going to say. What about the two other movies. Well I had some important things to deal with this last week and I have something on my mind right now so I will get right into the last two movies so that I can get on with it. 4) Good Will Hunting. 5) Goonies.

Now on to more important things. I want to go on record right here and now and say that maybe I hold people to high up. Because when they come crashing down which inevitably happens, they really do hurt landing right on top of me. It's hard for me though, because I really can't look at anyone and not want to really know what they are about, or what they have been through. And everyone has so much interesting things to say when you really begin to listen. But sometimes I begin to think that maybe I should stop listening. It's like the last few lines from the Catcher in the Rye. Never tell anybody anything, or you'll miss everybody. There are times when I am walking around that I feel so much like Holden Caufield, and I think that sometimes that just kind of scares me. Because I feel as if I could be out of here tomorrow and not even really look back, maybe make a few phone calls to loved ones every six months or so but that really is about it.

Why do you feel this way you might ask. It's easy, people. People just get to you. You let them in and they just break your heart with absolutely no regard, and not a real care in the world about the effect they have had on you. I saw that there is going to be a sneak preview of a movie that I think I'm really going to love this weekend. And I really wanted to text someone right then and there and ask them to go, but I couldn't, because that person has decided to remove themselves from my life. Well just from the interior, they still want to be there on the exterior you know, and that just isn't close to enough. it's really kind of a cop out if you ask me, but hey nobody ever really asks me. So I will go to that movie, and I will probably feel something so special that I can't even put it into words, and when it's over I'll walk about the movie theater and think about it the whole ride home in silence, by myself. Oh poor pathetic me right. I'm over it already, can't you tell.

No what is really bothering me is something deeper. Something that penetrates all the way to the core. I think people don't really see it but within families there are these cracks. Cracks that nobody can really see but are so fragile that when push comes to shove they shatter the entire foundation on which we lay everything. My foundation was shook last week, and I don't know if I can come back from it. When you're a boy, you see a man, and that man is unlike any other man. He is super human almost. And because he is super human and because you are a boy, you grow up trying to live up to that man's expectations. You love all the same things that he does, and you grasp onto his ideals and really you begin to take them as you're own and you defend them to the death. This is the kind of super man that you want to be when you grow up. But then one day you realize that he isn't super human, but that he really is just a man, and at times not even a good one. Now what are you suppose to do? What type of man are you going to be? Was everything you ever thought of this man a lie? Because he lied to you about why he wasn't there when you were born. He said you're mom kept him from being there but that wasn't it. The real reason he wasn't there is because he was engaged to another woman. A woman more to his families liking. So what made him change his mind? Should I not be made that he almost didn't step up to his responsibilities since he did. I don't know, I think I might be made because maybe this is the type of man that I am growing into, and I just don't even know it. What am I if not a product of my father?

Desert Island Movies #3

Movies are a very special thing. So before you get all I'm such a movie buff maybe you should stop for a second and think about what you are saying. Especially if your collection consists of such movies as You Got Served, Butterfly Effect, Legally Blonde, Win A Date With Tad Hamilton, and of course lets not forget The Notebook. Because really people these movies in no way shape or form make you a movie buff. Or maybe they do because a movie buff is someone who just fribilously watch movies on a whim and that is not this guy. But that's a whole other thing all together isn't it. Back to the task at hand, and that is #3.

3.) I'm going to have to go with the movie CLOSER. Now this movie to me is absolutely pitch perfect and fabulous. It seems to me to be one of the most relavent movies about relationships. About the intimacy, the lies, and the all out why that we as humans are completely and utterly fucked up. And for me there is something that is so bitter and said that it is almost refreshing to watch this movie. Another big plus that this movie has going for it is the fact that so many people that I know just absolutely hates it. I sometimes feel that I am a firm believer of if everybody hates it then there must be something more to it. And there are so many people that I know that went into this movie hoping for this great love story and they absolutely get club punched right in the face, and I love it. I remember the first time I saw this movie when it was over that is when I realized that I want to write movies. There were just so many words or phrases that were still ringing in my head, and every scene was getting played back over and over. I knew that I had just seen something that was truely great. And I realized in that moment that it had just changed everything in me. I was struggling to know what it was that was truly going to make me happy after I realized that baseball wasn't going to be the way for me, and writing was going to make me happy. It also happened to be the movie that made me realize how important music was. The Blowers Daughter is basically reason I have gotten into all of the music that for the most part my friends love to tease me about, because they think there is no way in the world that this guy listens to this music, but I do. When I listen to music now I instantly think where does that song fit into a movie. Anyway I'll see you all tomorrow for #4.

Desert Island Movies #2

For me there has always been something special about movies. And it has become increasingly harder for me to talk to people about movies. Not because I don't want to but because I do, and people often times don't want to talk to me about them because I have such a strong opinion about them. And it's not that I mean to or that I am even down grading the movies that other people watch, but when you get into the world of movies and you start talking to people who really love them to you get a chance to see how these people have such big opinions on movies that the only way that you can keep up is if you get your own big opinions and really that is what I do know. Now on to more important business. What is the second movie that I would take with me?

2.) Shakespeare in Love. There are some movies out there that you have been in love with you're entire life. The movies that just live within you that you can always remember the first time you ever watch that movie, and how every since it has held a special place in your heart. This is not that movie. The last part of that statement is true for this movie, because it obviously holds a special place in my heart other wise I would not be talking about it right now, but the first part is definitely not the case. I feel like this movie happened to me at a very important part in my life. And yes it like a car crash or being mugged it most certainly did happen to me. I don't remember the exact day and all the little details like I do with some movies, but I do remember that I never really wanted to see this movie. I wasn't really a big Paltrow fan and I really just had not interest in it at all, but one day me and Cooper sat down and watched it and I remember when it was all said and done it took me almost a day to really soak in what I had just saw.

I say that is film came at an important time because it was right around the time in my life that I really committed my love to film and I began to be very critical of films and just what makes a movie great. Not just the feelings of nostalgia that you might get when you watch a certain movie or that it has funny lines and makes you laugh or that it has bananas special effects. I had just gotten into the entirety of it all. I'm talking the screenplay, the lighting, the camera work and the way it is cut, the costumes, the set pieces, the raw emotions that the actors give off. I had just jumped head first into film and this movie spit out what I like to think is a masterpiece of art. And more importantly it did it in a year where there were movies like Saving Private Ryan and The Thin Red Line which where masterpieces in their own rights, but Shakespeare in Love was the one on top, and I will always think deservingly so. It is so beautiful a love story I really can't even put it into words. And it is so sophisticated that it really just is hard to put into words. And it has something that I myself really think that all love stories should have, and this really is my own personal opinion and really not too many people out there agree with this fact but I love it when a love story has sort of a bitter sweet ending. It's not quite happily ever after but its not just pain and heartache. And I guess that it was said best in a movie that I saw a couple of years ago, and that is that, only unfulfilled love can be truly romantic. And that's how I feel about this move. It is romantic in the best possible way. So stay tuned for number #3.

Desert Island Movies #1

Well it has been just about a week since my last post. I just felt like I needed to give everyone even myself a chance to take in the last post which was almost a book long. And now I'm going to lighten things up with this post and talk about a topic that is near and dear to my heart, and that is movies. To be more specific we will be talking about my desert island movies. These movies being the top five movies I would take with me if I was stuck on a desert island for the rest of my life. I am a firm believer that you can found out everything you need to know about a person by the movies that they watch, and more importantly the movies that they love. And here are mine.

1.) Star Wars Episode IV: A New Hope. The thing about this pick is this. If I could take the "holy trilogy" itself I would, and I have always stated that I think that Episode V: The Empire Strikes Back is the best of all the movies and Episode VI: Return of the Jedi is the most fun, but for me there is something special about A New Hope. It was the first. I can still remember the first time that I ever saw it. It was one of the most magical experiences of my life, and for the next two weeks I swore that I was a Jedi Knight. I truly believe that this movie is were it all started for me. This is the movie that made me love movies. This is the movie that opened up my imagination and made me believe that anything might be possible. I think there is something important about the relationship that a kid has with the first movie that they fall in love with. I myself was a very shy kid and was always more comfortable being by myself, and I believe that this movie allowed me to do that. It allowed me to be in this whole other world and not really notice that fact that I was alone, because I had Han Solo, Chewy, Yoda, and Obi-Won all there with me. And as I've grown up and my love for movies has blown up I can now look back at this movie and appreciate just how great and a head of its time that it really was. How this epic story only gets better with time. So for all these reasons A New Hope ranks right at the top of my desert island movie list.

It has just now come to me that if I spell out all five movies and the reasons why I love each this post with be longer than the one from last week so I will be unleashing my list one day at a time this week, so stay tuned for the rest of the list.

Open your eyes

A story starts off like this: The other day I went to a party. I saw some friends and made a few new ones. I drink quite a bit. I stayed up way past my bedtime. I had the best time. Now I know reading that it doesn't really sound like much, but believe me it was a life altering experience. Filled with so many laughs and some of the best conversations. And really nothing to crazy or over the top happened on this night, but somehow I know that a couple of years down the road I look back on this night and remember it to be something special. When the night was all said and done I went to sleep, and something magical happened.

I dreamt that I went in Yankee stadium. I was standing on the mound in uniform getting ready to pitch, and the crazy thing is that I don't remember anybody else being out there. I know that in my dream I pitched a full game, but the people that were out there playing with me were really kind of irrelivent. It wasn't so much the people that really matter as it was the sounds and smells. The sound of the popping of the mit when the ball lands right in the sweet spot of the pocket. The smell of pine tar and the grass right when you run out on the field for the first time. The sound of the ball coming off of the bat, and all the baseball chatter that goes on throughout a game. It was one of the best and worst dreams that I've ever had. Because when I woke up I realize just how much I love and miss that game. How much I miss the little things that only a baseball player could miss. And then I started to look back on my college career.

It seemed to be a career filled with great highs and great lows, and in the end it was somewhat disappointing. In total my college pitching career was all of 14 innings, and one almost start that was called off because of rain. And I can't help but think about that almost start that I had and if things would have been different if I would have gotten it? I remember that day like it was yesterday. We had traveled to Missouri to play a team. It was such a long bus ride and it felt like everyone just wanted to get the game over with as fast as we could. I didn't know I was going to get the start that day, not until I strapped on my cleats to go warm up. The coach said, "Ponder, you're on the bump today." I thought I was going to pass out right there. All the guys were excited that I was going to be pitching, and I have never been more nervous in my entire life. Halfway through warming up the clouds started to get dark, by the time I went to the bullpen to finish my warm up it had started to rain. And boy did it rain. It seemed like it rained for hours, and after a while the coaches called off the game. We ended up driving back home that day and we all got the weekend off.

I remember at the time that it happened I was so relieved. I was so nervous and so afraid of going out there and sucking that I was relieved that the game got rained out thinking to myself that next time I wouldn't be so nervous. But there never was a next time. The only opportunity I got to start a game in college got rained out, and I was happy. I never told anyone this of course, but I was. I know that not one person will remember that rain out, but I remember it like it happened to me yesterday. Now I've loved and played baseball almost for as long as I've been alive, and that's the one memory I wish I can take back. I always thought that I'd get another shot at it, but I didn't. There is a quote that I heard in a movie and as soon as it was spoken I began to cry. It is this. "In life you get many chances, in baseball you get one." I feel like I have felt the entire weight of that quote.

I realize that this is the world's longest blog and that some will have probably already stopped reading, but I went through all of that to say this little bit. I have this theory on life, it goes like this. Eventually we are going to get older, and eventually we are going to die. So when we get down into that older stage of our lives we should make sure that we have as few regrets as possible. I want to look at the people and the things around me with the wonderment as if I am talking to or looking at them for the very first time, and also as if it could be the last time. I want to soak in every word of every conversation and just let it marinate in my soul, much like the conversations of the party from just the other day. I think that living like this is the only true way to honor yourself, and all those around you that you hold so dear.

Ripple Effect

It is ridiculously early in the morning and I for the life of me cannot sleep. And for the past hour I've been thinking about all sorts of things. You know the mysteries of the universe. And for a while I have been stumped on the mysteries of life. And just now at this very moment I have come to some sort of conclusion. And I really don't even know if it is a very good one, but it is a conclusion. This conclusion that I have come up with is the fact that when we are born there is a ripple effect. Because our birth no matter who it is in this world ripples and touches so many people. I don't think that we are fully aware of this effect either. I don't think that we realize how truly important we all are. How the slightest comment that we might make to someone could in fact alter that person's very existance. Because I was born there are two people in this world that will worry about me until the end of time. And I am very thankful for that fact, because I know that there are people out there that don't have anyone to worry about them. I just hope that i am doing someone of a good job to keep their worrying down to a minimium. Because when something bad happens to me, no matter how hard it is on me, I know that those ripples that I have branch out to everyone. And the thing about those ripples that I'm talking about is that it's almost harder on those people around us than it is on us. So I encourage anyone who is dealing with some sort of personal crisis to keep in mind, the ripple effect.

What are you leaving behind?

I saw a movie lastnight for the second time. 500 days of summer, and what a great movie it was. And after seeing it I remember thinking to myself am I ever going to be able to leave something behind this wonderful. And I have come to the conclusion that whatever it is that I do in this life, I will somehow find away to leave something behind for the human race, otherwise what the hell am I doing here. It is not enough to just make money and have these monetary things. I feel that it is our duty to do something more. Leave something behind that you can be proud of. Something that will mean something to more than just you. Leave something behind that in some way makes this world a better place.

People always lie

It has come to my attention that people always lie. I really do want to believe in the best in everybody, but my 24 years on this earth has shown me otherwise. I really do wish that this wasn't the case but no matter which way you step or where you try to go you are always going to encounter people that are willing to lie to your face.

The funny thing about this whole thing is that everyday we probably encounter more than a dozen people that lie right to our face and we could really care less about it. But the thing that really stick are those people that we are closest to that are willing to risk it all by lying to us. Because weather they know it or not, they are. They are risking everything that has been built to that very point that they tell you that lie.

Of course I'm not talking about those little white lies we always tell each other I'm talking about the big ones. Those I love you lies. Those cheating lies. Those lies about how close we are and how you are willing to do anything for them.

I often times think that people don't realize the effect these lies are going to have on the people they say they care about. I've been lied to recently. And maybe besides that person lying to me I have also bee lying to myself. Thinking that this person really does care when I know that deep down they only care about themselves.

But that's the thing right, we want to believe that these people care about us even after they've lied right to our faces. Even after they have made up feel as though we aren't worthy. Even after they've told you they love you and completely proved otherwise. We still want to carrie these people in our hearts even though we are not really in there's. Of course we believe we are, but really we aren't.

So I employ all of you to really look at a person. Because sometimes you really can't take what they say into consideration, because really what people say and what they feel only matters to them, it's what they do that really counts. So for those of you out there that didn't get this let me repeat the following, PEOPLE ALWAYS LIE.

My First Time

I really don't know what it is am suppose to say on these things. This is my first time. I've been wanting to do something, you know something that I felt was important and although this isn't the most important thing I think I'll do in my life, I think it might be a start.

The thing that I want to talk about on my first time is.... Movies. I am of the firm mind that there is something magical about movies. There is something special about walking into a theater and smelling fresh popcorn and seeing these giant larger than life posters of these people that can transport you for two hours of your life and take you on a wonderful ride.

I recently saw a movie that brought it all back to me. A movie that made me remember why I fell in love with movies in the first place. The movie that I'm referring to is (500) days of summer. It is a movie right smack in the middle of all of these million dollar summer blockbusters that make you realize that there are actually writers and directors that do care about telling a personal and intimate story about something that really means something. And thank god for that because who are we as a society when the things we want to see are these crazy slasher flicks, hugh special effects driven, and mind numbing comedies. I don't know maybe it's all in my head, what do you think