Failure

I myself am afraid of failure. That has always been my biggest fear. It's so crazy but when I was in seventh grade we had to write an essay about our biggest fears and most people said spiders or snakes or any other of the everyday things that kids would say frighten them, but then there was me, Brandon Ponder seventh grade and already I was afraid that my life was going to be a failure. That is the craziest thing, especially taking into consideration my current situation. But that really is another issue for another day. The real thing is what makes a seventh grader so afraid of failure. I guess I was/am just that kid.

I'm talking about this because well I am about to enter my first film in a film festival, and although I want to think that I'm going to knock it out of the park I just have this feeling that I am going to fail. But really the more and more that I think about it I just don't care if I fail. I guess the thing is that I've failed enough in life. Baseball, girls, etc. It just really doesn't matter you know. Some people fail, well really most people fail and I plan of failing a whole lot, because at least if I'm failing, that means that I'm doing something, not just sitting around with my buddies drinking beer talking about what we should be doing. There is a quote in a movie that I really like, and it goes something like this. "What you're seeing is not the real me. The real me is a spectacular failure." I've always liked that line, I don't know why, maybe every since I've heard it I've hoped that one day I would get the chance to say it, to really say it and mean it you know. Because I feel like with the right feeling I could wear that as a badge of honor. Now I'm not saying that I am a failure or that that is what I want to be when I grow up, I'm just saying I'm not really as afraid of it as I once was.