Hard Days, Good Days

Today was a hard day for me.  And not a hard day as in 8 hours slipping and sliding on a roof tearing off and nailing down shingles.  But a hard day non the less.  I was sitting in an office, in a cubicle on a phone call talking to a client and I felt completely lost.  But not a what am I doing with my life kind of lost, but a lost in the shuffle kind of lost.  

I was sitting there and I could hear the words that they were saying to me, and I know I was saying things back to them, but I just felt as if I was a hundred thousand miles away.  It's weird because I remember a time when I use to feel that way a lot.  When I was younger I always had his feeling of being on the outside looking in.  Being the square peck in a room or group full of round holes.  I used to get lost in my imagination.  I would pretend I was a jedi, or a ninja, or whatever my mind could think of and I would get lost.

That all changed when I found sports, and I guess baseball in particular.  I make no bones about the fact that I'm a weird person.  All growing up I tried to hide it or cover it up, because it was easier trying to fit in than stand out.  But as I've gotten older I realize I could give a fuck what most people think, because lets face it most people are idiots.  The reason I clung to sports and loved them so much is because, well in sports it doesn't matter if you're weird.  All that matters is if you can play.  And there is room for every type of person on a team. Believe me I know, I've been on that team, time and time again.  

Which leads me to my next point.  I know I'm all over the place sometimes, but hell it's my blog and I can cry if I want to.  The reason why The Secret Life of Walter Mitty is my most anticipated movie of the year is because when I was younger I remember reading that short story about this guy that drifted off and went on all these great adventures.  And I knew who that guy was.  That guy was me.  And even from a very young age I knew I was that guy.  I'm nice, I'm safe, I'm solidish.  But I think there is something inside of us that yearns for adventure.  That yearns to just go out into the wild if you will and test yourself.  To see something special.  

I'm a nice guy, I'm safe, I'm solidish and to be honest I am not a fan of danger.  I hate amusement parks because i hate roller coasters.  I was the kid that was telling my aunt to slow down when she was speeding up and down hills in ponca city growing up.  I'm the guy that refused to ride home with Cory Williamson because he liked to play a game called no brakes.  But deep down inside me there is something there and I know it.  That's why on my bucket all the way at number 1 is to go and run with the bulls.  And that is no shit, it really is the thing that I want to do most.  I couldn't tell you why I've decided to say any of this, guess I need to have a little personal confession time this evening.

So today was kind of a bummer of a day, it just was, but I got to go outside during lunch and go on a walk and I felt a little better about the state of things.  And when I got home I saw in the internet that the movie that I worked on got accepted into the Sundance Film Festival.  Fuck me.  I know I was just a PA but it still means something.  It's still pretty damn special to me, and I'm still proud as hell that I was a part of it all.  And that's what this place is.  The best way for me to describe it is to say that it's just magic.  Anyway, Peace Out!!!