Talent Show

Hello there everybody. It's a wonderful 104 degrees here in Oklahoma. It was so hot that me and my sister just spent an hour out finding a place to get a snow cone. Well we found one, I give the snow cone a B- but that's not why am writing this. But I will say that a healthy part of any person's summer should be used finding a place to get the perfect snow cone.

Now on to more important business. I was at a bar about a month ago, I know what you're thinking out there, you're always at a bar. And to that I say nay and bite me.

So back to my story, I'm at a bar and I'm watching these people sing karaoke which was pretty bad, which made it pretty awesome, and out of nowhere I had this memory flash, I'm mean it just came in this wave and hit me right in the face. It really was quite overwhelming at the time, and I know almost immediately that I wanted to write about it. So I took out my phone and put it in the note section so that the next day or whenever I stumbled upon it I would remember that I needed to write about this. So the story that I wanted to tell you goes a little like this....

It was my Sixth Grade year at Sooner Rose Elementary, suck it all of those that read this and went somewhere else. And suck it all those who don't read it. So it was my sixth grade year and we all know how important that year is the year that sets you on the path to what you're going to be for the rest of your life. Now contrary to popular belief I was not always this confident manly man full of sexual magnetism, no at one point in my life I was this very shy very to himself kind of guy.

Now the one thing that I never did, the one thing that I just didn't have the guts to do the whole time that I was in grade school was preform in the talent show. I just didn't have it in me to get in front of a crowd and preform. Now look at me, I've been naked god knows how many times at a party, If you're reading this you probably already know what I'm talking about.

So we were having a talent show and I decided that this was the year that I was going to be in it. And for my great talent I was going to rap a sound from the ever popular Space Jam soundtrack, and the song was a rap that Bugs Bunny did. Probably the most ridiculous song ever but if I don't still love it I would be lying to you.

So I'm going to perform this song, and just when I'm about to go on I almost completely freeze like I figured that I would, but It was something that I always wanted to do, so this was my last chance. So I get up there and I do my thang, just doin' my thang. And as I'm on the stage I see a group of my friends come down to the front and start cheering me on. And I get through the entire song and man did I feel like a rock star. I had finally performed in a talent show, and all my friends come down to cheer me on, I have finally arrived.

So fast forward until maybe the summer or so I'm out with my best friend Brad and we are talking about old times and shooting the ship and all that jazz and somehow the talent show comes up, and I just go on and on about how good I was and how everybody was down there cheering me on when leave it to Brad to totally bust my bubble.....

"Are you kidding me bro? You were terrible, Kerri just had us all go up to the front and cheer you on because you were bombing." Well he said something to that effect, and let me tell you if I wasn't black I'm sure my face would have been completely bright red. Now, I'm the kind of guy that has tripped and fell and embarrassed myself in every way imaginable but right then and there was one of those moments above all the others that I wish I could take back.

So now that I'm all these many years older and none the wiser I have come to a very really and somewhat disturbing conclusion. A. I have and have always had some of the greatest friends a guy could probably ever ask for. B. Man my friends are really full of shit. I mean is it so great to make a guy feel like he's really doing something when he really sucks. I mean come on there is something to be said for letting a guy fail miserably and then picking himself back up. Believe me I know.

I don't know why I told you all of this, it really is pretty insignificant when it all comes down to it. But for some reason it all came rushing back to me, and you know I thought it all was pretty funny. Me rapping to the Space Jam soundtrack, one of my top 10 memories.

The Art of Nostalgia

So yesterday after a long but really great fourth of July I passed out, and I do mean passed out. I'm talking ready to walk out the door to another cook out fully dressed and then waking up like what in the world just happened. And of course after all that I could not for the life of me get back to sleep and so what do I do when I can't sleep? I contemplate the vas-ness of the universe. And on this particular night, after thinking about the movie MIDNIGHT IN PARIS(I recommend that you see it, but it is a movie more for the grown up in you not the kid.) and I just couldn't help but start to think about NOSTALGIA.

I mean in the movie Owen Wilson's character is nostalgic about living in a time other than the present, that time being the 1920's in Paris. And for good reason I mean F. Scott Fitzgerald, Hemingway, Picasso, Gertrude Stein wow, what a time to be alive right? Well maybe not for you but if I had the chance to be around that bunch I really have no words.

So then I began to think about what time am I nostalgic for? And as I thought about it Randall Pink came to mind because it definitely would not be high school(if these are the best days of my life, remind me to kill myself.) but the more I thought about it the harder it really was for me. And that kind of upset me. Because I know in my heart that I would love to live in so many eras.

I mean besides my current situation, which I happen to think pretty much sucks there just isn't anything that interests me about this era that we are living in outside of my friends and family. I almost have this feeling that we might be living in the Forgotten Age. I mean there seems to be nothing great coming out of this portion of our history and nobody really even cares about it. I mean really to the best of my knowledge the thing that will be best known from this Era is social networking, and I don't really think that is the best thing.

What happened to us? I mean really what happened, we put a man on the moon for god's sake? Why is it that nobody cares that we aren't doing anything more meaningful in this "golden age" we seem to be living in. 50 or 60 years ago this country struggle so terribly with civil rights and people stood up and did something about it, and now we live in a time to see the first black president, but it really doesn't mean that much to people, at least it doesn't feel like it.

I mean I could totally be off base but I don't think that I am. I heard the other day that the NASA program is about to implode because of the state of the economy. And in the moment I just felt depressed. We have become a nation or a people that only cares about money. And it seems like we only want money just so we can have it. We don't want it to have power or influence, to affect change. We just want it so that we can have things, and more things than the guy that lives down the street.

What are we going to leave behind. Social networks, the twilight and harry potter series, and Michael Bay films. I'm not saying that any of these are just the worse things in the world, but where as one Era of people brought us the great pyramids, or the works of Shakespeare, or even people landing on the moon. These are the things we have?

I am Nostalgic for a place in history where things matter and people really cared about the mark they were going to live on this world. That it wasn't even to just make a lot of money, it was more important to be true to yourself, it was more important to be extraordinary. When is that time going to happen again?

One Book

What in the world is this feeling that I am feeling right now. I woke up this morning and for what felt like no reason at all I felt very very sad. And sure this week has been a complete roller coaster for me, full of realization of just exactly who some people are in my life. There has also been quiet a bit of disappointment and a since of overwhelming weight that feels as if it is on top of me. There are those of you out there that probably had no idea about any of this and that my friend is very good, because it is not in me to burden anybody else with what I am feeling at any particular time. I feel the way that I do and really it is my problem, I never want to become other people's problem. But anyway, that's not what this is about, not at all actually. That feeling that I had when I woke up had nothing to do with me at all and more to do with a book that I just recently read.

I needed to read a book. Early last week I felt myself slipping into the abyss and I tried to go out and get a book that might very well be able to pull me out of that void. Now let me just say that when I first got into the book it had a bit of the opposite effect on me. As I read I felt even more isolated and I started to realize just how far into the rabbit hole I had gone. Because the character that I felt the closet to in the book was the failed comedian who is madly in love with the main character only to realize that she never really loved him anyway. He is nothing more than a substitute person. And unfortunately I felt very much like that, well maybe it's not unfortunate, I mean I guess someone has to feel like that.

Anyway, this book that I was reading is called, ONE DAY, and wow, what a great book. I mean something really great that I think everybody should read. You might be wondering why in fact I decided to read this book, and the reason for that is much like most things in my life, there is a movie based on the book coming out in one month and I had this urge to see what it was all about, because quiet frankly the story just seemed to fascinating for me not to. And the reason that I felt so bad this morning was at the fact that I'm not going to be reading about these characters anymore, and after reading about all the trials that these characters went through it almost feels as if these characters are a part of me.

I don't know I think that it's important to know things like this, that it's important to realize that at this point in my life 26, that one book, one movie, one person can change my life. Or at least change my perspective on things. Anyway, this probably feels a bit like rambling so if you don't read any of this, I completely understand.

ONE WEEK

Well Hello there boys and girls, Long time no talk. Sorry for my long absence, apparently I was out trying to find myself. And in doing that it made me think of a quote that I love so much. it goes a little something like this, "to find something, anything, a great truth or a lost pair of glasses you must first believe there would be some advantage in finding it. And you know now for the longest time I didn't really believe that. It's funny how everything can all change in just one week.

I'm not going to sit here and tell you that last week was a life changing week for me because that would just be entirely too dramatic. What I am going to say that it was a perspective changing week for me. And just how exactly did my perspective change, well I will take this time to tell you that.

MOVIES!!!! That's normally how it is with me, there is something about the magic of movies that I just can't get aways from. The only thing that can over take that feeling is the magic of baseball of course, but that's really neither here nor there. So what movies were these that made me come back to writing, and telling all of you my secrets? Well it was three of them and they are, HOW DO YOU KNOW, SUPER 8, and MIDNIGHT IN PARIS.

Now I'm not going to go into my normal long winded reviews of each movie because at the moment I just really don't feel like it, but let me just say that all three of these movies are great movies. HOW DO YOU KNOW is the perfect grown up romantic comedy and I will fight to the death anyone who thinks any differently. SUPER 8 is a throw back to why we all feel in love with movies as kids the wonderment of it all. I needed that feeling. And then there is MIDNIGHT IN PARIS this movie surprised me on every level and as a sat through this movie and laughed and watched others laugh at this movie that is just so specific for a certain audience I realize just how many people there are like me out there, and I think it finally just all clicked for me.

But it wasn't just the movies that changed everything for me. The movies were important but the thing that changed it all was a long talk with my sister this weekend. Who know that going to Medieval Times and then talking to my sis until 3 in the morning would change everything. I could get into all the interesting things that we talked about but lets just say that is for another day. What I can tell you is this, I think I'm kind of done with trying to live up the the expectations of some. And let me tell you that after spending quite some time trying to do just that I realize that it really never is gonna be enough.

I watched a movie just about a month ago, funny thing it was called one week. It was about a guy who finds out that he has one week to live and only then does he finally go out and do the things that he wanted to do his whole life. I think I myself am going to take that approach.

"To strive, to seek, to find, and not to yield." -Tennyson

You Are So Worth It

You know that nothing can could be better than this feeling people sometimes get, well let me just say that I have that feeling right now. Damn it's been a long time since I've had it but it is official, I have it and I don't think I'll let it go just yet. I mean in the last two weeks I've done more writing than I think I have in maybe the last six months. I really feel like I am on the top of my game in that department and I actually have a bit of a plan.

No my life isn't just heading in this great direction that is going to lead me to fame and fortune, but I is going in the direction that I want it to. It's been a while since I've gotten on here and written anything and tonight I had something around my neck and I realized that I had something to say.

So I have this necklace. And it is a very special necklace to me. It is a piece of my Aunt Ann and a piece of my mother. Probably the most important piece of jewelry that I have ever owned and I think of it that way. Some of you have probably seen me with it on and some of you have asked me about it before, but what you don't know is that until two days ago I decided to stop wearing it. I put in in a draw and more or less locked it away.

Why would I do such a thing you ask? Well let me tell you. I did it because I didn't think that I deserved to wear it. I didn't think I was good enough to, didn't think that I was man enough. I looked at myself in the mirror one day and I saw the necklace and thought to myself you are doing neither you're aunt or you mother justice by wearing this necklace and until you can turn it around you don't need to wear it.

It was pretty pathetic. Now I'm telling you this because there are probably a lot of you out there that sometimes feel this way about things, and maybe you don't want anyone to know and that's cool but let me just say that none of what you are thinking is true.

Two days ago a opened that draw looking for something and I saw that necklace and I took it out and put it on. I didn't have to think twice about it. Now my life isn't just this great change and I'm not out saving the world or doing something terrible great yet. But I'm different. I know I deserve to wear the necklace, because I know that my mom is proud of me and my aunt would be proud of me. I'm proud of me. You have to know deep down within your soul that you're good enough, no matter how many people out there make you think that you're not and believe me there will be people that make you think this. And some of them might be the closet people in the world to you. It's hard sometimes believe me I know.

But things get better you just have to push through it all sometimes. And then maybe if your lucky you'll me someone or have some people around you that make you feel like anything is possible like I do. Because everyone that comes in and out of your life it is all for a reason. they are there to make you the person that you are this very day. And you know what I happen to like that person. I can't put this into words enough but to say that no matter what happens you are worthy of the greatness you aspire to, and if you don't aspire to it now then start because the world needs so much more of it.

Well I hope you read this and I hope you take something from it. and until next time folks..... Don't start nothin' won't be nothin'.

THE INTERVIEW

If you're into reading stories that are oh so whimsical with a little bit of a twist but all in all end happily ever after let me just tell you that this story is really not for you. This is a story of a boy that goes to school, does the best that he can, graduates, goes out into the real world and falls flat on his face, gets back up and goes to an interview and absolutely kill it or does he.

Today was the day that I thought it was all going to change things. Today was the day that I was going to get out of bed and boom I am the man.(I mean really I am the man anyway, but you know what I mean) But of course this assumption is based in a world where good things happen to me, which by now I know that this is not the world I live in. Sorry I don't want to sound self deprecating because this sorry while tragic to me I feel is just kind of funny.

So I get up and go to this interview, and because I had just gotten off of work on the night shift only six hours before the interview was scheduled I did my best to get a good four hours of sleep and when I say good I mean shit. So I roll out of bed still delirious from the night of mail throwing before, just having one of my usual nightmares of some person or animal trying to kill me.(all a part of working the night shift) So back to my story, I get up take an ice cold shower(you're welcome ladies) get dressed up in my suit and tie and I'm off to the interview.

Upon my arrival(7 minutes before I was suppose to be there)I rush into the interview room and once I get there out of breath I see 20 other people in the room with me staring at me. I sit down and they do the whole song and dance about the job, blah, blah, blah, and then we are off to interviewing. On this very day there are 5 people interviewing so even though I will be last on the list to interview I feel confident that it won't take all that long. I was wrong, because an hour and a half later I still haven't interviewed. Now I'm doing my best to stay awake because at this point I am holding on by a thread. And then it happens, "BRANDON PONDER"

I get up put on my best bullshit smile and then I turn the charm up to KISS ASS. And for one of the first times in my life I know that I am absolutely killing this interview. I mean this guys son played high school football with a guy I went to SEMINOLE with.(Finally, eight years after going through the hell of playing at this place it has finally paid off.) So roughly 15 minutes of this 20 minute interview was spent talking about baseball and SEMINOLE and high school football, the guy even starts making baseball references about the job, like, "We're not gonna teach you how to pitch, we're gonna expect you to know how to pitch." "In this job you just got take to ball and go out there and throw a no hitter." And I'm just shaking my head and all I can think is, NAILED IT.

Boy was I wrong. I go home and take what I can only be described at the nap of all naps. And boy did I need it. But that's not the end of this story, right in the middle of my nap I get a phone call from my dad. "Son I talk to your aunt and she turned over some stones for you and it turns out that your supervisor does not want to re-hire you and with a no re-hire on your record you will not get this job, so you need to go in tonight and see what the deal is." Talk about the wind getting taken out of you, and all during this much needed nap. So what do I do, I go back to sleep and hope that when I wake up it'll be 20 years later. But to my dismay it is not, and when I do wake up my dad is home.

It turns out that my aunt called him again after she had turned over some more stones. (how may stones can there be to turn over really) This time the story has completely changed. Apparently my supervisor love me (duh) but the interviewer who's last words to me were, "I'm gonna recommend you for the job and we'll see where it goes from there." Did not like me and gave me a bad response on my interview. If it's not one thing it's another I guess. The good news is that when I go in tonight I won't be telling my supervisor where to stick it whilst throwing a package of mail at him, so I guess that's a good thing.

But anyways folks, I hope you got some entertainment out of my cluster fuck of a life, because right now you basically have to laugh to keep from crying.

Until next time folks, Don't start nothin', won't be nothin'

Life Changing Movies

I kind of feel like I'm on a role lately. 2011 has been very good to me so far. With that said it's only been what four days so stay tuned for the agony of defeat that is my life. But with all of that out of the way let's talk TOP 5's again. This time I want to talk about the top 5 movies that change my life. Now really this is a slippery slope for me because lets face it I'm in love with movies, and every time I see one my life is altered just a bit. With that said let me do my best to pick out 5. And really in no particular order.

1. CHASING AMY- I put this first because I tend to be a little long winded in my blogs at the beginning and I want to make sure this movie gets it's due, because this is one hell of a great movie. I mean in general KEVIN SMITH is one of my idols, the man makes independent movies for my generation and his "voice" is one that I really can relate to. But this movie it has everything, and when I say everything that is exactly what I mean. Dick and fart jokes, lesbians, the relationship between best friends, and most importantly BEN AFFLECK. This really is a great little romantic dramedy. And it touches on things that are really key in every relationship but it does it in such a way that just hits home with me. I mean what other movie are you going to see that has a line like "all any woman needs is some seriously deep dicking."

2. CLOSER- This movie really could be the most important of them all. This movie might in fact be the reason that any of you even get the chance to read this blog. Because the very second that this movie was done I knew. I knew that I wanted to be a writer, to be apart of the created process of telling stories, because this story forever changed me. I remember everything about the first time I watched it and I remember how much the dialogue really hit home to me, in such a way that no other movie really had before. And one of the most beautiful thing about this movie is that its simplicity allows just a straight forward story to be told. There are no bells and whistles in this movie, just great story telling and great acting. I even remember that this movie was like the first movie that I can remember wanting to share with people. Like I had to take people to see it so I could see their reactions to it.

3. STAR WARS- I know that i didn't name any particular episode of the saga, and really that is for good reason, because I just think of it all as just one complete story. I mean I can still remember waking up on Christmas morning every year and watching A NEW HOPE with my dad. What a great memory for a kid, and that is what STAR WARS did for me. It gave me so many great memories of just being out in my backyard having imaginary light saber fights. I wanted so bad to be a Jedi Knight and to tell you the truth I really still do, only now I kind of wouldn't mind falling to the dark side.

4. GOOD WILL HUNTING- This movie is special to me because it was a movie that my dad sat me down to watch when I was 14 and he really talked to me about the movie. Now when I was 14 I liked the movie okay, and after it was over me and my dad sat there and talked about it, and really I thought nothing of it, but then upon viewing it years later it really all came together for me. And I love it that much more. It's a movie that no matter where I am in life whenever it's on I'll always watch it and it will always remind me of my father. So in this really strange way my father will be immortal to me through this movie, which is another great thing about movies.

5. CHUNGKING EXPRESS- This movie I pretty much guarantee none of you out there have ever seen it, and it might seem to be a bit of a random choice, but I think this movie came along in my life at just the right time. It is a foreign film by a director of the name of WONG KAR-WAI and it is absolutely amazing. This movie is one of the reason that I love foreign film. Most of you out there will never see this because like so many out there you all hate to read subtitles, but let me just say that you are missing out on something wonderful. WONG KAR-WAI has this way about him that just makes the most ordinary of things just look beautiful, and this movie has that all the way through it. It is filmed as two separate one hour stories and each story is very powerful. I love this movie and because of it I love so many others... CITY OF GOD, A VERY LONG ENGAGEMENT, LET THE RIGHT ONE IN, PARIS, JE T'AIME just to name a few.

So there it is, there is my life changing movies list. hope you enjoyed reading it, who am I kidding I don't give a shit if you enjoyed it or not cause I enjoyed writing it. If you're out there reading this let me know what movies have changed your life.

Until next time folks, Don't start nothin', won't be nothin'

So Long 2010

I know that this is kind of late and we are already 3 days into 2011, but I am feeling a little nostalgic and I decided yeah 2010 does deserve a proper send off, and by proper send off I mean I'm going to blog about it.

So what can I say about 2010, I remember it starting with such great promise. I can hear myself now talking to one of my best friends. "2010 is gonna be our year." And even as we rang in 2011 we both still remember those words and had a good laugh about it. because now, "2011 is gonna be our year."

There were so many highs and lows of 2010 I really don't know where to start, but I guess the easiest way to do it is to talk about one very important milestone in my life in 2010, and that was falling in love for the first time, and then consequently getting my heart broken by a girl for the first time. Such a strange feeling for me this was, because quite frankly I have always been the guy on the outside looking in of this whole thing. But let me tell you being right in the middle of it all was pretty hard. There's a movie that I love, and a guy is going to visit the girl that he is in love with and when he gets there she is with another guy, so he gets on the elevator to leave and she comes running after him, and she catches him and he says to her, "Do me a favor, don't say nothing, ok? Just stand there til I leave. I wanna remember this. I've never done it before." and of course she says "done what?" And with a slight smile he says, "Had my heart broken." When I saw that movie I thought it was just great, but now I can appreciate it so much more.

2010 was also a year of adventure for me. I left Oklahoma and ventured out to Virginia to try and make a fresh start I guess. And even though it didn't turn out the way I planned it was one hell of a journey. I met people that I will hold close to me for the rest of my life. And I made a good friend who helped me through a rough time in my life and gave me some perspective on everything so to speak. And while I was up there in mountains I began to be able to write again, something that I had kind of given up on. It was a great time in my life, and maybe someday I will look back on it and realize that is the time when I figured out who it was I wanted to be.

2010 was also filled with some pretty interesting road trips. There was the trip in Virginia when me and my good friend MIKE traveled to another town to meet up with a girl he was into and her friends and watched one of the most amazing bands I have ever seen in my entire life. I'm not exactly what you would call the music man, but this band, if I did run a record label would be the exact type of band that I would try to sign. That night felt like it went on forever and thank god because it was awesome.

Then there was the Chicago excursion with some of my best friends, and let me tell you it was one for the ages. I don't even think I can begin to tell you all of the details of what happened because it is so ridiculous that I know you won't even believe me. But let me just tell you some of the highlights, a home-run ball was caught and thrown back in Wrigley Field, Big Ron was hitting on a group of Russian girls and they loved it, Newman brought back a girl from a bachlorette party, We stayed up all night at a karaoke bar, I'm so drunk/hungover I can't figure out the train system and almost miss my flight, and Coop is so drunk that a group of hookers rob him so he misses his fight and then he gets bit by a rat. Stuff of legends all that I can say.

Then there was OU/TEXAS and what a trip that was. My group of close friends finally hit the jack-pot and Big Ron and Cory got a RV. Probably not the best idea for this group but definitely the funniest thing that has ever happened to us. And OU/TEXAS was proof of that, traveling down the road with a keg in the shower of the RV having the time of our lives. It was basically a party bus. Now on to the highlights, Don taking his shirt off and owning a dance contest, Driving with Chaz singing country music with our shirts off at 2:30 in the morning, almost getting arrested for nudity (your welcome), Don passing out on a toilet at the Texas state fair (all a part of his plan), partying the whole way home and never wanting to get off that RV.

2010 has been one hell of a year. It didn't turn out the way I wanted it to but I guess that's life really, I don't think it ever does. I feel like I'm so far from where I really want to be in life, but somehow I'm kind of okay with it, just kind of. I've made some great friends in 2010 and had some great times with great friends, I've lost a lot of myself and I've also gained a lot. I don't know if I've broken even but all in all I think it was pretty good. The best line of 2010 has to go to the one and only DON POWERS- "Hey five piece... not a dime piece, but a five piece." The most important thing I've learned from 2010 is this,(What people say only matters to them, it's what they do that really counts, it's the only thing that really does.) I'm so happy for all of it though, and I don't regret any of it. Hopefully 2011 brings many more new challenges and great things.

Until next time, Don't start nothin', won't be nothin'