THE INTERVIEW

If you're into reading stories that are oh so whimsical with a little bit of a twist but all in all end happily ever after let me just tell you that this story is really not for you. This is a story of a boy that goes to school, does the best that he can, graduates, goes out into the real world and falls flat on his face, gets back up and goes to an interview and absolutely kill it or does he.

Today was the day that I thought it was all going to change things. Today was the day that I was going to get out of bed and boom I am the man.(I mean really I am the man anyway, but you know what I mean) But of course this assumption is based in a world where good things happen to me, which by now I know that this is not the world I live in. Sorry I don't want to sound self deprecating because this sorry while tragic to me I feel is just kind of funny.

So I get up and go to this interview, and because I had just gotten off of work on the night shift only six hours before the interview was scheduled I did my best to get a good four hours of sleep and when I say good I mean shit. So I roll out of bed still delirious from the night of mail throwing before, just having one of my usual nightmares of some person or animal trying to kill me.(all a part of working the night shift) So back to my story, I get up take an ice cold shower(you're welcome ladies) get dressed up in my suit and tie and I'm off to the interview.

Upon my arrival(7 minutes before I was suppose to be there)I rush into the interview room and once I get there out of breath I see 20 other people in the room with me staring at me. I sit down and they do the whole song and dance about the job, blah, blah, blah, and then we are off to interviewing. On this very day there are 5 people interviewing so even though I will be last on the list to interview I feel confident that it won't take all that long. I was wrong, because an hour and a half later I still haven't interviewed. Now I'm doing my best to stay awake because at this point I am holding on by a thread. And then it happens, "BRANDON PONDER"

I get up put on my best bullshit smile and then I turn the charm up to KISS ASS. And for one of the first times in my life I know that I am absolutely killing this interview. I mean this guys son played high school football with a guy I went to SEMINOLE with.(Finally, eight years after going through the hell of playing at this place it has finally paid off.) So roughly 15 minutes of this 20 minute interview was spent talking about baseball and SEMINOLE and high school football, the guy even starts making baseball references about the job, like, "We're not gonna teach you how to pitch, we're gonna expect you to know how to pitch." "In this job you just got take to ball and go out there and throw a no hitter." And I'm just shaking my head and all I can think is, NAILED IT.

Boy was I wrong. I go home and take what I can only be described at the nap of all naps. And boy did I need it. But that's not the end of this story, right in the middle of my nap I get a phone call from my dad. "Son I talk to your aunt and she turned over some stones for you and it turns out that your supervisor does not want to re-hire you and with a no re-hire on your record you will not get this job, so you need to go in tonight and see what the deal is." Talk about the wind getting taken out of you, and all during this much needed nap. So what do I do, I go back to sleep and hope that when I wake up it'll be 20 years later. But to my dismay it is not, and when I do wake up my dad is home.

It turns out that my aunt called him again after she had turned over some more stones. (how may stones can there be to turn over really) This time the story has completely changed. Apparently my supervisor love me (duh) but the interviewer who's last words to me were, "I'm gonna recommend you for the job and we'll see where it goes from there." Did not like me and gave me a bad response on my interview. If it's not one thing it's another I guess. The good news is that when I go in tonight I won't be telling my supervisor where to stick it whilst throwing a package of mail at him, so I guess that's a good thing.

But anyways folks, I hope you got some entertainment out of my cluster fuck of a life, because right now you basically have to laugh to keep from crying.

Until next time folks, Don't start nothin', won't be nothin'