rambling

So, I've had a lot of time to think lately.  I know I know, that might be a dangerous thing, me thinking, only really romantic and over dramatized things can come from this.  Oh and probably some tears(just saying). It's just been a really weird couple of weeks for me lately.  I mean really and truly growing up is a hard thing to do.  And I know that people never say that it's going to be easy.  You know you're parents are always saying well wait until you get older, and wait until you have responsibilities and you have to pay bills and all that jazz that parents like to say.  And for me it's something that I always took seriously but when your a person like me that constantly finds himself in Neverland wondering around trying to gasp onto that last bit of innocence it can all be a little overwhelming and seem to almost smack you in the face when that times comes.

I don't know if any of that even sound remotely like a complete thought.  In my head it did but when my fingers get to typing it all seems like it could just be the ravings of a mad man.  It has been weird to me lately though.  I mean the closer I come to leaving the more I have to deal with the fact that I actually am leaving.  Like this place that I've called home for my entire life will no longer be my home, it's a scary fucking thought.  It's also kind of exhilarating.

It's crazy to think about.  I mean I'm sitting here and I'm just thinking about all the things that have lead me up to this point good and bad.  I start to think what my life would be had I done things just a little bit differently.  I don't know really, I'm sure everybody thinks like this ever now and again.  I mean it seems to be the same old story.  One day you're 18 years old thinking about the future and what all is in front of you.  And then before you even know it yesterday turns into today, today turns into tomorrow, and then tomorrow turns into the rest of your life without you even realizing what is happening.  

I really don't know why I'm even writing any of this.  I think it's because I've changed so much over the past 10 years and it seemed like I didn't even realize just how much I've changed until recently.  I mean i've kind of spent that last two days at home sleeping in some state of depression.  But I started thinking, I was thinking about my time spent in college and how right there on campus corner there were all these places that I use to go to that don't even exist anymore.  Like these bars and restaurants that I used to love to go to that turned into different bars and restaurants and have since turned into different bars and restaurants some of which now I love to go to. (I'm talking about you Fuzzy Tacos) And this made me think over all of these other places that I know have changed over the years.  And it started to make me think, because when you are younger everything seems so final, like it's going to be there forever you know.  Weather it's your parents marriage, or the house you grew up in, or the school you went to, or the baseball park you use to play at.  But as you get older you start to see all of these changes and you begin to realize that everything seems to be a different version of something else and the longer you live the more this seems to be true.

And it gets to a point where you start to forget that old version of what was there.  I think people tend to be the same way.  I think our whole lives we are constantly becoming different versions of ourselves good or bad.  I mean at our core we will always be ourselves, but as the years go on we get a little be more conservative or liberal, we value different things a little be more or less and we have a little bit more life experience.  And the crazy thing for me is that I'm not quite sure that the version of myself from the last 5 years of my life has been my best self.  But I'm hoping the version over the next 5 years will be.  





The Richard Linklater
Sunrise Trilogy one of my 
favorites

Edgar Wright and Simon Pegg's 

Blood and Ice Cream Trilogy 

another one of my favorites