BE BOLD

There's always this really weird feeling I seem to get when I've not written anything in a while.  I mean I've been jotting down things here and there in my journal, but not really putting the pen to pad like I'm suppose to, like I planned to.  There's this great quote from a movie that I really like, I can't really think of the movie right now (that's just how much I really like it) But the quote really sums up the way I've been behaving lately.  One of the characters in the movie says that they should go talk to somebody or do whatever it is that they are going to do some other time or some other day.  And the other character just simply says "Someday, ain't never today." Or something to that nature and a lot of times when I'm procrastinating that is exactly what I think of.

Don't really know where I was going with that, but back to this. So this weekend was just a tragic weekend for me. My Niners get beat in the Super Bowl which just crushes me by the way, and you know I really couldn't even express just how much it crushed me, because I was with my friends and I didn't want to completely freak them out by completely freaking out, so you are all welcome.  And then you had the fact that one of my best friends is skipping town so I can't let the Super Bowl effect me that much because this was much more of a crushing blow, and man I happy as hell for him, because I feel that he is on the road to realizing a dream of his that we all joked about years ago.  I think he is on his way to taking the sea, I really do so I'm happy about that.  But all I can really think about is how much I'm going to miss my friend. But I will say this, I'm quite proud of myself because I didn't even cry, and anyone that knows me, knows I'm a bit of a crier. So I guess good for me.

Now during the Super Bowl there was an event that happened that really got me thinking. Cory read some interviews that me and him would do in class the first year we got to OU.  Back when I took on this persona of "The Bod" and the interviews were called "The Bod Chronicles". Now I wish I was making this up but I'm not, we really were characters. But sitting around hearing what 19 or 20 Brandon had to say for himself made me realize some things about myself. 1) I was kind of out of hand back then, but more importantly 2) I was so very bold. For any of you that are reading this that were actually there when it was being read aloud let me just say, I'm sorry and you're welcome. Of course a lot of the things that I said were very ridiculous and lets just say not very PC, but really and truly for those that really know me, know that's just me.  That is very much my brand of humor, I like to say uncomfortable things and see people squirm after I say them. and of course I go too far sometimes but really who doesn't.

The thing that really gets me about the whole thing though is that I just sit back and look at myself now I and think what happen to this bold guy you once were? What happened to the guy that loved his friends, loved his family, and didn't give a shit what people thought about him. That wasn't afraid to make a complete ass out of himself just to get a laugh from his friends.  I mean I'm still that guy, but now I am a little more afraid to go after that laugh. I think what I'm trying to say here is no more of that.  I think I got turned a little sideways about who I am. Kind of doubted myself. I think I fell in love and then decided that I need to put myself in this box that could fit into any situation, but that's not the guy I was meant to be, so that's not the guy I will be going forward. Going forward and going to write and do the things that I am passionate about, and I'm not going to give a shit what anybody thinks about it. Because here is the thing, I am a WRITER, it's just that simple, and I will be great and this world will be great because I am in it. "Ever tried. Ever failed. No matter. Try again. Fail again. Fail better." -Samuel Beckett

Oh and I want to let everyone know that in honor of a special little lady that will be here very soon, I will be adding little exerts of a story that I'll be working on.  THE ADVENTURES OF DARREL, HARELD, and LITTLE CAROL MERRELL

I saw this movie, and I knew, I'd always be in love with writing.