I'd like to start this whole thing off by saying you are welcome to anyone who reads this whole bit. I should probably also say that I'm sorry because when I get going I seem to be a little long winded. but that's just me so deal with it.
This whole ordeal started around the time of the Super Bowl, which I don't want to get too much into for personal reasons, and anybody who really knows me knows exactly what I'm talking about. But back to the reason I'm writing this in the first place. So during halftime everyone was given a little treat. They all go to hear and interview from "The Bod". I know you don't know who that is but long story short it was a persona I had for myself in my early 20's. A completely ridiculous character with a great bod(in actuality mediocre at best) and he went around slaying chicks with big tits as he would say.
I should say that "The Bod" was not a sexist at all, in reality he celebrated women and their beauty, no matter how he sounded. He was a visionary if I do say so myself. Well as you could imagine everyone enjoyed the interviews a great deal, and that really got me thinking, the world needs "The Bod". So I decided to go on a quest right then and there to reinvent "The Bod" and bring him back to glory.
Some of you might be laughing right about now, but believe you me this is no joke. So basically for the past couple of weeks I have been getting back into a workout routine after a very long sabbatical. And let me just say for the record it has been some kind of terrible. The pains the I had wished to forget all about, the dreadful feeling of morning weights, the running, goddamn the running. It's all back and what a joy that has been.
Now this is a part of a whole overall plan, but that's not really important right now. What's important is me tell you all a little story about last night when I went to workout. So I go to the gym at about 930 last night to get my workout on, get my Bod on if you will. Now let me just say for the record it was miserable, but that's okay, that's what it's suppose to be. For those of you that are there just having fun with it Fuck You, because that's not what it is for me. It's just me kicking my own ass for an hour and a half and then afterwards wanting a piece of cake, but whatever.
So I'm on the "shredmill" my own personal nickname for it and I'm running. Running where might you ask, well I'm running no where because I'm on a damn treadmill. Now about halfway into my 30 minute run I realize jus how much I hate running. Well that's not true,a but 45 seconds into my 30 minute run I realized just how much I hate running. (and now a quick moment where I talk shit to all those out there that enjoy running.) So I hate running so much, always have by the way, that I want to say to all those out there that actually like it, that actually enjoy running Fuck You. No seriously all of you Eat Shit, because I think you are absolutely crazy. And not in a good way, not in a I think that chick is crazy so she'll probably bang the shit out of you. I'm talking the weird guy that cuts out pictures of cars from magazines and glues them to construction paper and jerks off to them crazy.
And then there are those ass hole that actually want to go out there and run a marathon, certifiable. Even though legend has it that Pheidippides after running the distance from Marathon to Athens(or the 26 miles) to announce victory over the Persians he dropped dead. So yeah of course that is defiantly something that I want to do right away. But even more important that than I'll just listen to the words of one Kenny Powers. "I play real sports, I'm not try to be the best at exercise."
I really don't know why I went on that tangent I just really wanted everyone out there to know just how much I hate running. So I run and I blast my ass with a pretty great workout if I do say so myself and after it's done I go over and do some hardcore abs. Because over the past few years as I have been cultivating mass, "The Bod's" ab situation has gotten away from him. So I'm really locking in a good ab workout and by the time I am done I am just spent, so I walk over get a drink, get my stuff and head out to my car.
At this point in the story let me stop for a second and say that it is about 11:00 at night and Oklahoma has had some pretty bad weather the last couple of days so it's freezing outside. So jump into my car and start her up only to get the beginning of what happened to be a 20 minute cramp session that had me on the cold ground at 11:00 at night flopping around trying to make it go away. That's right ladies and sirs, I am so GUTTY right not that this ab workout that I just went through put my body in such shock that couldn't even get I'm my car and drive home. And let me just say that it was freezing cold outside as I lay on the ground thinking about some of my most humiliating points in my life.
And every time I thought that it was all over I would get up, get back in my car and the cramp session would start all over again. I finally got in my car and laid the seat back all the way while I fought through the cramp and tried to figure out if I could drive home. I thought maybe I could drive completely laided back to the backseat with a partial cramp going on.
Finally the cramp went away and I was able to make it home. So that's my long story of basically how GUTTY I am and how bring "The Bod" back I feel in the very near future is going to kill me. I hope you all enjoyed it, I'm sure there will be more to come. Night.
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