You know that nothing can could be better than this feeling people sometimes get, well let me just say that I have that feeling right now. Damn it's been a long time since I've had it but it is official, I have it and I don't think I'll let it go just yet. I mean in the last two weeks I've done more writing than I think I have in maybe the last six months. I really feel like I am on the top of my game in that department and I actually have a bit of a plan.
No my life isn't just heading in this great direction that is going to lead me to fame and fortune, but I is going in the direction that I want it to. It's been a while since I've gotten on here and written anything and tonight I had something around my neck and I realized that I had something to say.
So I have this necklace. And it is a very special necklace to me. It is a piece of my Aunt Ann and a piece of my mother. Probably the most important piece of jewelry that I have ever owned and I think of it that way. Some of you have probably seen me with it on and some of you have asked me about it before, but what you don't know is that until two days ago I decided to stop wearing it. I put in in a draw and more or less locked it away.
Why would I do such a thing you ask? Well let me tell you. I did it because I didn't think that I deserved to wear it. I didn't think I was good enough to, didn't think that I was man enough. I looked at myself in the mirror one day and I saw the necklace and thought to myself you are doing neither you're aunt or you mother justice by wearing this necklace and until you can turn it around you don't need to wear it.
It was pretty pathetic. Now I'm telling you this because there are probably a lot of you out there that sometimes feel this way about things, and maybe you don't want anyone to know and that's cool but let me just say that none of what you are thinking is true.
Two days ago a opened that draw looking for something and I saw that necklace and I took it out and put it on. I didn't have to think twice about it. Now my life isn't just this great change and I'm not out saving the world or doing something terrible great yet. But I'm different. I know I deserve to wear the necklace, because I know that my mom is proud of me and my aunt would be proud of me. I'm proud of me. You have to know deep down within your soul that you're good enough, no matter how many people out there make you think that you're not and believe me there will be people that make you think this. And some of them might be the closet people in the world to you. It's hard sometimes believe me I know.
But things get better you just have to push through it all sometimes. And then maybe if your lucky you'll me someone or have some people around you that make you feel like anything is possible like I do. Because everyone that comes in and out of your life it is all for a reason. they are there to make you the person that you are this very day. And you know what I happen to like that person. I can't put this into words enough but to say that no matter what happens you are worthy of the greatness you aspire to, and if you don't aspire to it now then start because the world needs so much more of it.
Well I hope you read this and I hope you take something from it. and until next time folks..... Don't start nothin' won't be nothin'.
Sunday, January 30, 2011
Wednesday, January 5, 2011
THE INTERVIEW
If you're into reading stories that are oh so whimsical with a little bit of a twist but all in all end happily ever after let me just tell you that this story is really not for you. This is a story of a boy that goes to school, does the best that he can, graduates, goes out into the real world and falls flat on his face, gets back up and goes to an interview and absolutely kill it or does he.
Today was the day that I thought it was all going to change things. Today was the day that I was going to get out of bed and boom I am the man.(I mean really I am the man anyway, but you know what I mean) But of course this assumption is based in a world where good things happen to me, which by now I know that this is not the world I live in. Sorry I don't want to sound self deprecating because this sorry while tragic to me I feel is just kind of funny.
So I get up and go to this interview, and because I had just gotten off of work on the night shift only six hours before the interview was scheduled I did my best to get a good four hours of sleep and when I say good I mean shit. So I roll out of bed still delirious from the night of mail throwing before, just having one of my usual nightmares of some person or animal trying to kill me.(all a part of working the night shift) So back to my story, I get up take an ice cold shower(you're welcome ladies) get dressed up in my suit and tie and I'm off to the interview.
Upon my arrival(7 minutes before I was suppose to be there)I rush into the interview room and once I get there out of breath I see 20 other people in the room with me staring at me. I sit down and they do the whole song and dance about the job, blah, blah, blah, and then we are off to interviewing. On this very day there are 5 people interviewing so even though I will be last on the list to interview I feel confident that it won't take all that long. I was wrong, because an hour and a half later I still haven't interviewed. Now I'm doing my best to stay awake because at this point I am holding on by a thread. And then it happens, "BRANDON PONDER"
I get up put on my best bullshit smile and then I turn the charm up to KISS ASS. And for one of the first times in my life I know that I am absolutely killing this interview. I mean this guys son played high school football with a guy I went to SEMINOLE with.(Finally, eight years after going through the hell of playing at this place it has finally paid off.) So roughly 15 minutes of this 20 minute interview was spent talking about baseball and SEMINOLE and high school football, the guy even starts making baseball references about the job, like, "We're not gonna teach you how to pitch, we're gonna expect you to know how to pitch." "In this job you just got take to ball and go out there and throw a no hitter." And I'm just shaking my head and all I can think is, NAILED IT.
Boy was I wrong. I go home and take what I can only be described at the nap of all naps. And boy did I need it. But that's not the end of this story, right in the middle of my nap I get a phone call from my dad. "Son I talk to your aunt and she turned over some stones for you and it turns out that your supervisor does not want to re-hire you and with a no re-hire on your record you will not get this job, so you need to go in tonight and see what the deal is." Talk about the wind getting taken out of you, and all during this much needed nap. So what do I do, I go back to sleep and hope that when I wake up it'll be 20 years later. But to my dismay it is not, and when I do wake up my dad is home.
It turns out that my aunt called him again after she had turned over some more stones. (how may stones can there be to turn over really) This time the story has completely changed. Apparently my supervisor love me (duh) but the interviewer who's last words to me were, "I'm gonna recommend you for the job and we'll see where it goes from there." Did not like me and gave me a bad response on my interview. If it's not one thing it's another I guess. The good news is that when I go in tonight I won't be telling my supervisor where to stick it whilst throwing a package of mail at him, so I guess that's a good thing.
But anyways folks, I hope you got some entertainment out of my cluster fuck of a life, because right now you basically have to laugh to keep from crying.
Until next time folks, Don't start nothin', won't be nothin'
Today was the day that I thought it was all going to change things. Today was the day that I was going to get out of bed and boom I am the man.(I mean really I am the man anyway, but you know what I mean) But of course this assumption is based in a world where good things happen to me, which by now I know that this is not the world I live in. Sorry I don't want to sound self deprecating because this sorry while tragic to me I feel is just kind of funny.
So I get up and go to this interview, and because I had just gotten off of work on the night shift only six hours before the interview was scheduled I did my best to get a good four hours of sleep and when I say good I mean shit. So I roll out of bed still delirious from the night of mail throwing before, just having one of my usual nightmares of some person or animal trying to kill me.(all a part of working the night shift) So back to my story, I get up take an ice cold shower(you're welcome ladies) get dressed up in my suit and tie and I'm off to the interview.
Upon my arrival(7 minutes before I was suppose to be there)I rush into the interview room and once I get there out of breath I see 20 other people in the room with me staring at me. I sit down and they do the whole song and dance about the job, blah, blah, blah, and then we are off to interviewing. On this very day there are 5 people interviewing so even though I will be last on the list to interview I feel confident that it won't take all that long. I was wrong, because an hour and a half later I still haven't interviewed. Now I'm doing my best to stay awake because at this point I am holding on by a thread. And then it happens, "BRANDON PONDER"
I get up put on my best bullshit smile and then I turn the charm up to KISS ASS. And for one of the first times in my life I know that I am absolutely killing this interview. I mean this guys son played high school football with a guy I went to SEMINOLE with.(Finally, eight years after going through the hell of playing at this place it has finally paid off.) So roughly 15 minutes of this 20 minute interview was spent talking about baseball and SEMINOLE and high school football, the guy even starts making baseball references about the job, like, "We're not gonna teach you how to pitch, we're gonna expect you to know how to pitch." "In this job you just got take to ball and go out there and throw a no hitter." And I'm just shaking my head and all I can think is, NAILED IT.
Boy was I wrong. I go home and take what I can only be described at the nap of all naps. And boy did I need it. But that's not the end of this story, right in the middle of my nap I get a phone call from my dad. "Son I talk to your aunt and she turned over some stones for you and it turns out that your supervisor does not want to re-hire you and with a no re-hire on your record you will not get this job, so you need to go in tonight and see what the deal is." Talk about the wind getting taken out of you, and all during this much needed nap. So what do I do, I go back to sleep and hope that when I wake up it'll be 20 years later. But to my dismay it is not, and when I do wake up my dad is home.
It turns out that my aunt called him again after she had turned over some more stones. (how may stones can there be to turn over really) This time the story has completely changed. Apparently my supervisor love me (duh) but the interviewer who's last words to me were, "I'm gonna recommend you for the job and we'll see where it goes from there." Did not like me and gave me a bad response on my interview. If it's not one thing it's another I guess. The good news is that when I go in tonight I won't be telling my supervisor where to stick it whilst throwing a package of mail at him, so I guess that's a good thing.
But anyways folks, I hope you got some entertainment out of my cluster fuck of a life, because right now you basically have to laugh to keep from crying.
Until next time folks, Don't start nothin', won't be nothin'
Tuesday, January 4, 2011
Life Changing Movies
I kind of feel like I'm on a role lately. 2011 has been very good to me so far. With that said it's only been what four days so stay tuned for the agony of defeat that is my life. But with all of that out of the way let's talk TOP 5's again. This time I want to talk about the top 5 movies that change my life. Now really this is a slippery slope for me because lets face it I'm in love with movies, and every time I see one my life is altered just a bit. With that said let me do my best to pick out 5. And really in no particular order.
1. CHASING AMY- I put this first because I tend to be a little long winded in my blogs at the beginning and I want to make sure this movie gets it's due, because this is one hell of a great movie. I mean in general KEVIN SMITH is one of my idols, the man makes independent movies for my generation and his "voice" is one that I really can relate to. But this movie it has everything, and when I say everything that is exactly what I mean. Dick and fart jokes, lesbians, the relationship between best friends, and most importantly BEN AFFLECK. This really is a great little romantic dramedy. And it touches on things that are really key in every relationship but it does it in such a way that just hits home with me. I mean what other movie are you going to see that has a line like "all any woman needs is some seriously deep dicking."
2. CLOSER- This movie really could be the most important of them all. This movie might in fact be the reason that any of you even get the chance to read this blog. Because the very second that this movie was done I knew. I knew that I wanted to be a writer, to be apart of the created process of telling stories, because this story forever changed me. I remember everything about the first time I watched it and I remember how much the dialogue really hit home to me, in such a way that no other movie really had before. And one of the most beautiful thing about this movie is that its simplicity allows just a straight forward story to be told. There are no bells and whistles in this movie, just great story telling and great acting. I even remember that this movie was like the first movie that I can remember wanting to share with people. Like I had to take people to see it so I could see their reactions to it.
3. STAR WARS- I know that i didn't name any particular episode of the saga, and really that is for good reason, because I just think of it all as just one complete story. I mean I can still remember waking up on Christmas morning every year and watching A NEW HOPE with my dad. What a great memory for a kid, and that is what STAR WARS did for me. It gave me so many great memories of just being out in my backyard having imaginary light saber fights. I wanted so bad to be a Jedi Knight and to tell you the truth I really still do, only now I kind of wouldn't mind falling to the dark side.
4. GOOD WILL HUNTING- This movie is special to me because it was a movie that my dad sat me down to watch when I was 14 and he really talked to me about the movie. Now when I was 14 I liked the movie okay, and after it was over me and my dad sat there and talked about it, and really I thought nothing of it, but then upon viewing it years later it really all came together for me. And I love it that much more. It's a movie that no matter where I am in life whenever it's on I'll always watch it and it will always remind me of my father. So in this really strange way my father will be immortal to me through this movie, which is another great thing about movies.
5. CHUNGKING EXPRESS- This movie I pretty much guarantee none of you out there have ever seen it, and it might seem to be a bit of a random choice, but I think this movie came along in my life at just the right time. It is a foreign film by a director of the name of WONG KAR-WAI and it is absolutely amazing. This movie is one of the reason that I love foreign film. Most of you out there will never see this because like so many out there you all hate to read subtitles, but let me just say that you are missing out on something wonderful. WONG KAR-WAI has this way about him that just makes the most ordinary of things just look beautiful, and this movie has that all the way through it. It is filmed as two separate one hour stories and each story is very powerful. I love this movie and because of it I love so many others... CITY OF GOD, A VERY LONG ENGAGEMENT, LET THE RIGHT ONE IN, PARIS, JE T'AIME just to name a few.
So there it is, there is my life changing movies list. hope you enjoyed reading it, who am I kidding I don't give a shit if you enjoyed it or not cause I enjoyed writing it. If you're out there reading this let me know what movies have changed your life.
Until next time folks, Don't start nothin', won't be nothin'
1. CHASING AMY- I put this first because I tend to be a little long winded in my blogs at the beginning and I want to make sure this movie gets it's due, because this is one hell of a great movie. I mean in general KEVIN SMITH is one of my idols, the man makes independent movies for my generation and his "voice" is one that I really can relate to. But this movie it has everything, and when I say everything that is exactly what I mean. Dick and fart jokes, lesbians, the relationship between best friends, and most importantly BEN AFFLECK. This really is a great little romantic dramedy. And it touches on things that are really key in every relationship but it does it in such a way that just hits home with me. I mean what other movie are you going to see that has a line like "all any woman needs is some seriously deep dicking."
2. CLOSER- This movie really could be the most important of them all. This movie might in fact be the reason that any of you even get the chance to read this blog. Because the very second that this movie was done I knew. I knew that I wanted to be a writer, to be apart of the created process of telling stories, because this story forever changed me. I remember everything about the first time I watched it and I remember how much the dialogue really hit home to me, in such a way that no other movie really had before. And one of the most beautiful thing about this movie is that its simplicity allows just a straight forward story to be told. There are no bells and whistles in this movie, just great story telling and great acting. I even remember that this movie was like the first movie that I can remember wanting to share with people. Like I had to take people to see it so I could see their reactions to it.
3. STAR WARS- I know that i didn't name any particular episode of the saga, and really that is for good reason, because I just think of it all as just one complete story. I mean I can still remember waking up on Christmas morning every year and watching A NEW HOPE with my dad. What a great memory for a kid, and that is what STAR WARS did for me. It gave me so many great memories of just being out in my backyard having imaginary light saber fights. I wanted so bad to be a Jedi Knight and to tell you the truth I really still do, only now I kind of wouldn't mind falling to the dark side.
4. GOOD WILL HUNTING- This movie is special to me because it was a movie that my dad sat me down to watch when I was 14 and he really talked to me about the movie. Now when I was 14 I liked the movie okay, and after it was over me and my dad sat there and talked about it, and really I thought nothing of it, but then upon viewing it years later it really all came together for me. And I love it that much more. It's a movie that no matter where I am in life whenever it's on I'll always watch it and it will always remind me of my father. So in this really strange way my father will be immortal to me through this movie, which is another great thing about movies.
5. CHUNGKING EXPRESS- This movie I pretty much guarantee none of you out there have ever seen it, and it might seem to be a bit of a random choice, but I think this movie came along in my life at just the right time. It is a foreign film by a director of the name of WONG KAR-WAI and it is absolutely amazing. This movie is one of the reason that I love foreign film. Most of you out there will never see this because like so many out there you all hate to read subtitles, but let me just say that you are missing out on something wonderful. WONG KAR-WAI has this way about him that just makes the most ordinary of things just look beautiful, and this movie has that all the way through it. It is filmed as two separate one hour stories and each story is very powerful. I love this movie and because of it I love so many others... CITY OF GOD, A VERY LONG ENGAGEMENT, LET THE RIGHT ONE IN, PARIS, JE T'AIME just to name a few.
So there it is, there is my life changing movies list. hope you enjoyed reading it, who am I kidding I don't give a shit if you enjoyed it or not cause I enjoyed writing it. If you're out there reading this let me know what movies have changed your life.
Until next time folks, Don't start nothin', won't be nothin'
Monday, January 3, 2011
So Long 2010
I know that this is kind of late and we are already 3 days into 2011, but I am feeling a little nostalgic and I decided yeah 2010 does deserve a proper send off, and by proper send off I mean I'm going to blog about it.
So what can I say about 2010, I remember it starting with such great promise. I can hear myself now talking to one of my best friends. "2010 is gonna be our year." And even as we rang in 2011 we both still remember those words and had a good laugh about it. because now, "2011 is gonna be our year."
There were so many highs and lows of 2010 I really don't know where to start, but I guess the easiest way to do it is to talk about one very important milestone in my life in 2010, and that was falling in love for the first time, and then consequently getting my heart broken by a girl for the first time. Such a strange feeling for me this was, because quite frankly I have always been the guy on the outside looking in of this whole thing. But let me tell you being right in the middle of it all was pretty hard. There's a movie that I love, and a guy is going to visit the girl that he is in love with and when he gets there she is with another guy, so he gets on the elevator to leave and she comes running after him, and she catches him and he says to her, "Do me a favor, don't say nothing, ok? Just stand there til I leave. I wanna remember this. I've never done it before." and of course she says "done what?" And with a slight smile he says, "Had my heart broken." When I saw that movie I thought it was just great, but now I can appreciate it so much more.
2010 was also a year of adventure for me. I left Oklahoma and ventured out to Virginia to try and make a fresh start I guess. And even though it didn't turn out the way I planned it was one hell of a journey. I met people that I will hold close to me for the rest of my life. And I made a good friend who helped me through a rough time in my life and gave me some perspective on everything so to speak. And while I was up there in mountains I began to be able to write again, something that I had kind of given up on. It was a great time in my life, and maybe someday I will look back on it and realize that is the time when I figured out who it was I wanted to be.
2010 was also filled with some pretty interesting road trips. There was the trip in Virginia when me and my good friend MIKE traveled to another town to meet up with a girl he was into and her friends and watched one of the most amazing bands I have ever seen in my entire life. I'm not exactly what you would call the music man, but this band, if I did run a record label would be the exact type of band that I would try to sign. That night felt like it went on forever and thank god because it was awesome.
Then there was the Chicago excursion with some of my best friends, and let me tell you it was one for the ages. I don't even think I can begin to tell you all of the details of what happened because it is so ridiculous that I know you won't even believe me. But let me just tell you some of the highlights, a home-run ball was caught and thrown back in Wrigley Field, Big Ron was hitting on a group of Russian girls and they loved it, Newman brought back a girl from a bachlorette party, We stayed up all night at a karaoke bar, I'm so drunk/hungover I can't figure out the train system and almost miss my flight, and Coop is so drunk that a group of hookers rob him so he misses his fight and then he gets bit by a rat. Stuff of legends all that I can say.
Then there was OU/TEXAS and what a trip that was. My group of close friends finally hit the jack-pot and Big Ron and Cory got a RV. Probably not the best idea for this group but definitely the funniest thing that has ever happened to us. And OU/TEXAS was proof of that, traveling down the road with a keg in the shower of the RV having the time of our lives. It was basically a party bus. Now on to the highlights, Don taking his shirt off and owning a dance contest, Driving with Chaz singing country music with our shirts off at 2:30 in the morning, almost getting arrested for nudity (your welcome), Don passing out on a toilet at the Texas state fair (all a part of his plan), partying the whole way home and never wanting to get off that RV.
2010 has been one hell of a year. It didn't turn out the way I wanted it to but I guess that's life really, I don't think it ever does. I feel like I'm so far from where I really want to be in life, but somehow I'm kind of okay with it, just kind of. I've made some great friends in 2010 and had some great times with great friends, I've lost a lot of myself and I've also gained a lot. I don't know if I've broken even but all in all I think it was pretty good. The best line of 2010 has to go to the one and only DON POWERS- "Hey five piece... not a dime piece, but a five piece." The most important thing I've learned from 2010 is this,(What people say only matters to them, it's what they do that really counts, it's the only thing that really does.) I'm so happy for all of it though, and I don't regret any of it. Hopefully 2011 brings many more new challenges and great things.
Until next time, Don't start nothin', won't be nothin'
So what can I say about 2010, I remember it starting with such great promise. I can hear myself now talking to one of my best friends. "2010 is gonna be our year." And even as we rang in 2011 we both still remember those words and had a good laugh about it. because now, "2011 is gonna be our year."
There were so many highs and lows of 2010 I really don't know where to start, but I guess the easiest way to do it is to talk about one very important milestone in my life in 2010, and that was falling in love for the first time, and then consequently getting my heart broken by a girl for the first time. Such a strange feeling for me this was, because quite frankly I have always been the guy on the outside looking in of this whole thing. But let me tell you being right in the middle of it all was pretty hard. There's a movie that I love, and a guy is going to visit the girl that he is in love with and when he gets there she is with another guy, so he gets on the elevator to leave and she comes running after him, and she catches him and he says to her, "Do me a favor, don't say nothing, ok? Just stand there til I leave. I wanna remember this. I've never done it before." and of course she says "done what?" And with a slight smile he says, "Had my heart broken." When I saw that movie I thought it was just great, but now I can appreciate it so much more.
2010 was also a year of adventure for me. I left Oklahoma and ventured out to Virginia to try and make a fresh start I guess. And even though it didn't turn out the way I planned it was one hell of a journey. I met people that I will hold close to me for the rest of my life. And I made a good friend who helped me through a rough time in my life and gave me some perspective on everything so to speak. And while I was up there in mountains I began to be able to write again, something that I had kind of given up on. It was a great time in my life, and maybe someday I will look back on it and realize that is the time when I figured out who it was I wanted to be.
2010 was also filled with some pretty interesting road trips. There was the trip in Virginia when me and my good friend MIKE traveled to another town to meet up with a girl he was into and her friends and watched one of the most amazing bands I have ever seen in my entire life. I'm not exactly what you would call the music man, but this band, if I did run a record label would be the exact type of band that I would try to sign. That night felt like it went on forever and thank god because it was awesome.
Then there was the Chicago excursion with some of my best friends, and let me tell you it was one for the ages. I don't even think I can begin to tell you all of the details of what happened because it is so ridiculous that I know you won't even believe me. But let me just tell you some of the highlights, a home-run ball was caught and thrown back in Wrigley Field, Big Ron was hitting on a group of Russian girls and they loved it, Newman brought back a girl from a bachlorette party, We stayed up all night at a karaoke bar, I'm so drunk/hungover I can't figure out the train system and almost miss my flight, and Coop is so drunk that a group of hookers rob him so he misses his fight and then he gets bit by a rat. Stuff of legends all that I can say.
Then there was OU/TEXAS and what a trip that was. My group of close friends finally hit the jack-pot and Big Ron and Cory got a RV. Probably not the best idea for this group but definitely the funniest thing that has ever happened to us. And OU/TEXAS was proof of that, traveling down the road with a keg in the shower of the RV having the time of our lives. It was basically a party bus. Now on to the highlights, Don taking his shirt off and owning a dance contest, Driving with Chaz singing country music with our shirts off at 2:30 in the morning, almost getting arrested for nudity (your welcome), Don passing out on a toilet at the Texas state fair (all a part of his plan), partying the whole way home and never wanting to get off that RV.
2010 has been one hell of a year. It didn't turn out the way I wanted it to but I guess that's life really, I don't think it ever does. I feel like I'm so far from where I really want to be in life, but somehow I'm kind of okay with it, just kind of. I've made some great friends in 2010 and had some great times with great friends, I've lost a lot of myself and I've also gained a lot. I don't know if I've broken even but all in all I think it was pretty good. The best line of 2010 has to go to the one and only DON POWERS- "Hey five piece... not a dime piece, but a five piece." The most important thing I've learned from 2010 is this,(What people say only matters to them, it's what they do that really counts, it's the only thing that really does.) I'm so happy for all of it though, and I don't regret any of it. Hopefully 2011 brings many more new challenges and great things.
Until next time, Don't start nothin', won't be nothin'
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