DEAR JOHN

Well ladies and sirs it has been quite some time since I have been on here with a movie review for you. And let me just tell you in that time, I have in no way shape or form been having the time of my life. I actually just recently and am still in the process of being sicker than I have been in 15 years. That is no understatement folks I'd probably have to go back to the time when I was ten years old to remember a time when I've been this sick. That's how top notch my immune system is. So you might be wondering what makes me take time out of my this great sickness to write this. Well I will tell you. It's a little piece of trash movie I like to call DEAR JOHN.

I know most of you out there have probably already seen this movie and for that I feel terribly sorry for you, and if by some chance you liked it... Well maybe you should think about hitting yourself in the face so I don't have to do it for you. And if you are feeling a little offended right now and you feel the need to say something to me about this movie later, just don't, because if you do I'm probably going to vomit in your face immediately. And then when you have children if in fact you do have children I will wait until they are of age and hit them in the face.

Now after this review the only movies I will be reviewing from DVD will be those that I feel that the three people that actually read this thing should check out if you already haven't. Now with that said on with the show. So the other day somebody told me that I should watch DEAR JOHN. They told me that it was pretty good and that they wanted to know what I thought about it. I won't say who the person was, but I will let them and anyone who will read this know exactly what I think about this movie.

DEAR JOHN, this movie if you can call it that is everything that I feel is wrong about movies being made today. It is becoming this ridiculous trend in Hollywood to get a couple of good-looking people together and a kiss here, some tragedy there, maybe some distance thrown in the mix and there you have it an "Epic Love Story". Well let me just call bullshit right here and now.

I guess I should give a little background about what this is about. A solider with a little, meets a kind hearted girl with a lot. They share a common bond with autism, fall in love, he goes to war, they write letters, Blah Blah Blah Blah. I mean haven't I seen this already? I think it was called THE NOTEBOOK. And I know that people are going to try and point out all the differences between the movies, but just stop because they are too much alike.

The two leads in this movie were Amanda Seyfried and Channing Tatum. Seyfried has done better work folks, and with movies like CHLOE hopefully she'll hit her stride and never look back to a movie like this again. As for Tatum, well I know all the girls out there just love this guy, and I know a lot of you guys out there just hate him. Believe me I completely understand because of he shit he does is this mainstream fluff just like this that just sucks. But me I am so disappointed because he continues to do movies like this when I know that he's better than this. The first movie I ever saw this guy in was A GUIDE TO RECOGNIZING YOUR SAINTS, and I shit you not the guy was an absolute force in that movie. I remember watching that movie and thinking holly shit this guy is going to be the next big thing. Then I went straight to imdb to see what else he had been in. Not too impressive to say the least but I know that this guy given the right stuff can really shine, so it hurts my heart to see him does this shit. Over and over again.

One of the side stories of this movie is Autism. And it is a damn shame that it is because in my opinion this movie sets back autism as far back as it can be set. I mean as I was watching the movie it kept popping up, but all I could think about is why is this in here? We are kind of just talking around it and not really giving that much information about it. It's just there. It's just that 10 ton elephant in the room taking up space, there to make you cry. And you know what I really fucking hate that about movies these days.

I admit right here and now that I am a crier. If something touches me a certain way I have no problem crying. A lovely text message, a nice card, hell sometimes i'll be watching a movie preview and can't help but cry. One thing that I really hate is when I movie is after cheap cries. They aren't even trying to earn it. The best example I can give of this before watching this movie is MARLEY AND ME. I am not a dog person, anyone who knows me knows that, but watching MARLEY AND ME I cried, and a lot mind you. I mean the last 35 minutes of that movie is devoted to making you cry, and after a point I just wanted to yell kill the dog so I'll stop crying here. I don't like that. I don't like feeling like I'm being used when I'm watching a movie. And that is exactly how I feel about the whole Autism thing in this movie.

Don't get all offended and act like I'm insensitive because that is not the case at all. There is a movie called ADAM and it just recently came out, and it's sort of love story about a guy with asperger's syndrome falls in love with his neighbor. And the movie is sweet and tragic and real and very emotional and I feel probably very accurate. It put autism out there on display where DEAR JOHN uses it as this sort of stepping stone in the movie. I didn't like that not at all.

I can't even really go into anymore about this movie except say that it was a very empty shell of a movie, and i hope to god the book is nothing like it. When the movie was over I didn't feel anything for these characters and to be honest that's pretty hard with me cause I can feel something for just about any characters in movies. I actually thought to myself is this movie really over or did the writers just finally run out of bullshit to put on paper. This movie is the greatest example of the trend of lazy film making that has shaken it's way through Hollywood.

And on a final note I am sick to death of these cheese ball films getting these great songs from other movies and then putting them in there bullshit movies and killing the song for me. PAPERWEIGHT by: JOSHUA RADIN and SCHUYLER FISK is a great song. And it's a song that really means something and put in the right context it can be beautiful and heartbreaking all at the same time. The song lives and breathes in the movie THE LAST KISS. It does not belong in this movie getting all chopped up and fit into a corny little montage on when these two people first meet and are falling for each other. The song is better than that. Some people don't notice that kind of stuff, but as a guy that loves movies and loves the scores and soundtracks to movies almost as much as the actual movies stop doing this please.

Until next time folks...... Don't start nothin' , won't be nothin'