What am I?

Wow, I think that is has been a little while since I have been on here, and I already know what you are going to say. What about the two other movies. Well I had some important things to deal with this last week and I have something on my mind right now so I will get right into the last two movies so that I can get on with it. 4) Good Will Hunting. 5) Goonies.

Now on to more important things. I want to go on record right here and now and say that maybe I hold people to high up. Because when they come crashing down which inevitably happens, they really do hurt landing right on top of me. It's hard for me though, because I really can't look at anyone and not want to really know what they are about, or what they have been through. And everyone has so much interesting things to say when you really begin to listen. But sometimes I begin to think that maybe I should stop listening. It's like the last few lines from the Catcher in the Rye. Never tell anybody anything, or you'll miss everybody. There are times when I am walking around that I feel so much like Holden Caufield, and I think that sometimes that just kind of scares me. Because I feel as if I could be out of here tomorrow and not even really look back, maybe make a few phone calls to loved ones every six months or so but that really is about it.

Why do you feel this way you might ask. It's easy, people. People just get to you. You let them in and they just break your heart with absolutely no regard, and not a real care in the world about the effect they have had on you. I saw that there is going to be a sneak preview of a movie that I think I'm really going to love this weekend. And I really wanted to text someone right then and there and ask them to go, but I couldn't, because that person has decided to remove themselves from my life. Well just from the interior, they still want to be there on the exterior you know, and that just isn't close to enough. it's really kind of a cop out if you ask me, but hey nobody ever really asks me. So I will go to that movie, and I will probably feel something so special that I can't even put it into words, and when it's over I'll walk about the movie theater and think about it the whole ride home in silence, by myself. Oh poor pathetic me right. I'm over it already, can't you tell.

No what is really bothering me is something deeper. Something that penetrates all the way to the core. I think people don't really see it but within families there are these cracks. Cracks that nobody can really see but are so fragile that when push comes to shove they shatter the entire foundation on which we lay everything. My foundation was shook last week, and I don't know if I can come back from it. When you're a boy, you see a man, and that man is unlike any other man. He is super human almost. And because he is super human and because you are a boy, you grow up trying to live up to that man's expectations. You love all the same things that he does, and you grasp onto his ideals and really you begin to take them as you're own and you defend them to the death. This is the kind of super man that you want to be when you grow up. But then one day you realize that he isn't super human, but that he really is just a man, and at times not even a good one. Now what are you suppose to do? What type of man are you going to be? Was everything you ever thought of this man a lie? Because he lied to you about why he wasn't there when you were born. He said you're mom kept him from being there but that wasn't it. The real reason he wasn't there is because he was engaged to another woman. A woman more to his families liking. So what made him change his mind? Should I not be made that he almost didn't step up to his responsibilities since he did. I don't know, I think I might be made because maybe this is the type of man that I am growing into, and I just don't even know it. What am I if not a product of my father?