Hello out there, if there really is anyone out there. Or am I just typing into my own infinite abyss? Maybe, sometimes it feels that way. You know like there really is no ending to anything that is going on around us. Just an infinite free fall into life. It's like three thirty in the morning right now and i take it that when I am done writing this little diddy it will probably be about four in the morning. When do I sleep you ask? Well a infamous man once told me that I could sleep when I'm dead, and I guess over the years I have become a firm believer in that statement.
So why are we here tonight? What is it that I want to talk about this time? There are so many things that have happened to me over the past month but in particular I want to talk about one-liners. I feel like it is necessary for my own personal manhood that at least once in my life I be able to spit out a really great one-liner to somebody. I know that sounds completely ridiculous but this is the type of shit that I think about.
Like on my trip to Chicago that I just took my good friend Mr. Hagedorn dropped a brilliant one-liner to a very annoying drunk guy that wanted to show him some bullshit picture of who really knows what. But as the guy continued to force this picture upon Mr. Hagedorn he simply responded with a, "Listen Asshole, I'm not trying to be rude, but I don't want to see your picture." Or something to this effect, the thing about it is that it was brilliant. I need that, well I guess I don't really need it, but I want it and very bad all of the sudden.
I guess my want for this to happen just stems from the fact that I am such a nice guy. And really who doesn't walk all over the nice guy? I'm here to tell you not that many people. So for once I'd like to be bad ass, I mean I am pretty bad ass, but like bonafide bad ass you know, like Bruce Willis in Die Hard bad ass, or Clint Eastwood in anything bad ass.
The funny thing about this whole entry is that I already kind of know what I want to say, given the opportunity of course. I just want to really get is some body's shit, like all up in it after a fight or whatever and I want them to feel it to know that I was there and to be so pissed off about it that they can't see straight, so pissed off in fact that they tell me that I'm gonna pay for this and everything else, and that I'm dead or that I'm gonna die, just so I can look back at him and say,
"Yeah I know, someday." Pretty pathetic I know, but I love it. If you've read this congratulations you have just gotten a wonderful insight into one thing that might pop into my head at any given moment, so you are very welcome.
Saturday, July 24, 2010
Wednesday, June 23, 2010
60 feet 6 inches
Well folks, I'm back after quite a bit of time off. I feel like I have really been slacking and I know that there are oh so many of you out there that just really need to hear about all the many wonderful things going on in my life so I'm sorry for the hiatus. With that said I think I might change the pace a little bit with this one. I mean yes, my sister is still bat shit crazy, and yes she just got done working everyday for two straight weeks(longest weeks of my life)but I think I will cover all of that stuff on another day. Today I feel like talking about one of great loves of my life, I feel like talking baseball.
There are so many different reasons why I love baseball. Almost too many to count, I can go on obnoxiously about baseball for hours upon hours believe me. Some of you out there have already ended up in the cross hairs of one of these rants that I sometimes go on, and for that all I can say is, You're Welcome!
Now as I was saying, there are so many things that I love about baseball, but the thing that I love the most, the thing that I miss more than anything, the thing that I can feel deep down inside of me that comes up every year around this time and won't leave until sometime in October. The thing that I love most about baseball is 60 feet and 6 inches. You might be thinking what is this 60 feet 6 inches you speak of? Well the best way that I could describe it is that quite honestly it is the distance that turns boys into men. It's the distance where games are won and lost, where careers are made or broken, it's the distance between death and immortality.
You may at this point be think what in the world is wrong with this guy, is he delusional, how can that be all of those things? You may not understand it, but it is, it is most certainly all of those things and then some. For those of you that still don't know what 60 feet 6 inches is, it's the distance from the pitcher's mound to home plate on a baseball field. To me it's home, it's Mt. Everest, it's the greatest place on earth. I spent many a days out on a ball field, 60 feet 6 inches away, some of the best days and the most heart breaking days of my life.
Now to really understand what I'm talking about you have to understand what baseball is. Some people think it's just a game, that it's something for boys to do in the summer. Some people know it's our national pass time but they really don't think much more than that. To the people that have been goodly enough to be touched by this sport know that it is so much more. It becomes so much more than a game, it changes who you are inside, it becomes a certain way of life, it becomes a religion of sorts, where people pray to the god of first pitch strikes, and the god of the hanging curve ball. When I was a wee lad of 18 years a coach told me that sooner or later you'll find that there are those in this world that have played baseball, really played baseball and then there is everybody else. Now at the time I didn't have any idea what that meant, and when he said it I just kind of smirked and shrugged it off, but as I've grown up I know that he his absolutely right.
Now baseball is the ultimate team sport. There is no shot clock or game clock or time limit, as long as the weather is good and there is no lightning, you play until the game is over. And you're gonna fail more than you're gonna succeed. It doesn't just test you physically, it test you mentally on every imaginable level. I was at one point a pretty good baseball player, nothing special in particular though I worked hard, tried to set a good example, and showed up everyday. And once I got to the level where my little bit of talent and my hard work couldn't exactly cut the mustard anymore I had to give it up. It left a sour taste in my mouth but I guess it always does, when things end. They always seem to end too soon, weather you play for 15 years or 40.
Now that I've given you that little in site into my baseball, let me tell you exactly what 60 feet 6 inches means to me. I am an average guy, and on a good day I can be said to be kind of funny and somewhat awkwardly charming, but that's on a very good day. I was always a good student in school, not because I was just the smartest person in the room, but because I had this thing were I just wanted to know more about everything than anybody else, so I worked really hard to try and do that and in doing so school became something that I was good at. All of that is great. There is nothing wrong with any of it, but on the baseball field I was something totally different. On that pitcher's mound 60 feet 6 inches away from home plate I was a king. I was larger than life and I knew exactly what I was put on this earth for. To throw strikes and help my team win.
There's a feeling you get when you're up on that mound, when you're staring down the opposing team's batters and you know, I mean you absolutely know that on this given day they can't touch you. There is no greater feeling in the world. To know that you're team is depending on you and that you are going to be able to come through for them. And when it's gone, when it's all over all you want is it back. 60 feet 6 inches is where it all begins. You stare down the opposing batter, and you quietly tell him what you are about the throw before you throw it, and it doesn't matter because he can't touch it. You stand on that mound and you sing to yourself, to keep yourself in the rhythm of the game. You talk to yourself when you walk the nine hole. And people think that you are halfway crazy, and the beauty of it is that you are.
60 feet 6 inches can seem like five miles away when you are three outs away from closing out a big game. When you are 100 pitches into the game and your whole body feels like it's about to break down, and you dig down deep for that last out. You and your catch both know you got nothing left but you dig down anyway and find something, anything, and when you get that last out you feel like you can do anything, because you've pushed yourself further than you ever thought possible and you came out on the other side. 60 feet 6 inches, where most of the defining moments of my life have come.
There are so many different reasons why I love baseball. Almost too many to count, I can go on obnoxiously about baseball for hours upon hours believe me. Some of you out there have already ended up in the cross hairs of one of these rants that I sometimes go on, and for that all I can say is, You're Welcome!
Now as I was saying, there are so many things that I love about baseball, but the thing that I love the most, the thing that I miss more than anything, the thing that I can feel deep down inside of me that comes up every year around this time and won't leave until sometime in October. The thing that I love most about baseball is 60 feet and 6 inches. You might be thinking what is this 60 feet 6 inches you speak of? Well the best way that I could describe it is that quite honestly it is the distance that turns boys into men. It's the distance where games are won and lost, where careers are made or broken, it's the distance between death and immortality.
You may at this point be think what in the world is wrong with this guy, is he delusional, how can that be all of those things? You may not understand it, but it is, it is most certainly all of those things and then some. For those of you that still don't know what 60 feet 6 inches is, it's the distance from the pitcher's mound to home plate on a baseball field. To me it's home, it's Mt. Everest, it's the greatest place on earth. I spent many a days out on a ball field, 60 feet 6 inches away, some of the best days and the most heart breaking days of my life.
Now to really understand what I'm talking about you have to understand what baseball is. Some people think it's just a game, that it's something for boys to do in the summer. Some people know it's our national pass time but they really don't think much more than that. To the people that have been goodly enough to be touched by this sport know that it is so much more. It becomes so much more than a game, it changes who you are inside, it becomes a certain way of life, it becomes a religion of sorts, where people pray to the god of first pitch strikes, and the god of the hanging curve ball. When I was a wee lad of 18 years a coach told me that sooner or later you'll find that there are those in this world that have played baseball, really played baseball and then there is everybody else. Now at the time I didn't have any idea what that meant, and when he said it I just kind of smirked and shrugged it off, but as I've grown up I know that he his absolutely right.
Now baseball is the ultimate team sport. There is no shot clock or game clock or time limit, as long as the weather is good and there is no lightning, you play until the game is over. And you're gonna fail more than you're gonna succeed. It doesn't just test you physically, it test you mentally on every imaginable level. I was at one point a pretty good baseball player, nothing special in particular though I worked hard, tried to set a good example, and showed up everyday. And once I got to the level where my little bit of talent and my hard work couldn't exactly cut the mustard anymore I had to give it up. It left a sour taste in my mouth but I guess it always does, when things end. They always seem to end too soon, weather you play for 15 years or 40.
Now that I've given you that little in site into my baseball, let me tell you exactly what 60 feet 6 inches means to me. I am an average guy, and on a good day I can be said to be kind of funny and somewhat awkwardly charming, but that's on a very good day. I was always a good student in school, not because I was just the smartest person in the room, but because I had this thing were I just wanted to know more about everything than anybody else, so I worked really hard to try and do that and in doing so school became something that I was good at. All of that is great. There is nothing wrong with any of it, but on the baseball field I was something totally different. On that pitcher's mound 60 feet 6 inches away from home plate I was a king. I was larger than life and I knew exactly what I was put on this earth for. To throw strikes and help my team win.
There's a feeling you get when you're up on that mound, when you're staring down the opposing team's batters and you know, I mean you absolutely know that on this given day they can't touch you. There is no greater feeling in the world. To know that you're team is depending on you and that you are going to be able to come through for them. And when it's gone, when it's all over all you want is it back. 60 feet 6 inches is where it all begins. You stare down the opposing batter, and you quietly tell him what you are about the throw before you throw it, and it doesn't matter because he can't touch it. You stand on that mound and you sing to yourself, to keep yourself in the rhythm of the game. You talk to yourself when you walk the nine hole. And people think that you are halfway crazy, and the beauty of it is that you are.
60 feet 6 inches can seem like five miles away when you are three outs away from closing out a big game. When you are 100 pitches into the game and your whole body feels like it's about to break down, and you dig down deep for that last out. You and your catch both know you got nothing left but you dig down anyway and find something, anything, and when you get that last out you feel like you can do anything, because you've pushed yourself further than you ever thought possible and you came out on the other side. 60 feet 6 inches, where most of the defining moments of my life have come.
Friday, May 21, 2010
the journey
It's been a while since I have wrote anything on here. For those few of you that actually do read this and somewhat enjoy it I would like to say that I am sorry for that. I just really haven't felt too inspired lately. The last few days I've talked to some friends on the phone and it has made me miss home more than I could have ever realized. And it also made me realize that when I moved, it was the abrupt and almost what seemed like it was out of nowhere, even though it really wasn't.
The last week or so when I wake up I feel different. I don't really know how to explain it besides the fact that I just really don't feel like myself. But really I don't know that last time I have felt like myself. I came out here on the journey to prove something to myself, and although I have just been out here a few months it kind of feels like by trying to prove one thing, I have proven the complete opposite. I almost felt like this was some sort of hero's journey. I know that that sounds really stupid and to be honest borderline insane, but that is the way that I felt about it. I felt as if it was the journey that I had to take at this particular point in my life and that by doing so it is going to make all the difference in my life. Now the hard part about this whole thing is that when i started off I was picturing the journey more a kin to that of Luke Skywalker, when in reality I am leaning more on the side of Anakin, and that is not a good thing, enough though some might beg to differ.
Now this whole thing is making me think about something a professor once talked about in class. He said no one is happy until the end is known. And I've been thinking about that statement a lot lately. Not to say that I am so unhappy because that is just not the case. I just really want to know what my end is, but I guess we all do. I miss my friends and family everyday. I once read a book and there was a quote at that end of it, it said something like never tell anybody anything, or you'll miss everyone. Never has that statement been more true than right now. Because I miss everyone like crazy, but I guess I must continue this journey weather I turn out to be the one that restores the force or I fall prey to the dark side, I'm in it now and hopefully I can make to best of this and not end up with my tail tucked between my legs back where I started.
I don't for the life of my even know why I wrote this post, it seems to be just another random blog, but I guess my intentions where to tell the ones that matter to me that I love and miss them, and that they are always with me.
The last week or so when I wake up I feel different. I don't really know how to explain it besides the fact that I just really don't feel like myself. But really I don't know that last time I have felt like myself. I came out here on the journey to prove something to myself, and although I have just been out here a few months it kind of feels like by trying to prove one thing, I have proven the complete opposite. I almost felt like this was some sort of hero's journey. I know that that sounds really stupid and to be honest borderline insane, but that is the way that I felt about it. I felt as if it was the journey that I had to take at this particular point in my life and that by doing so it is going to make all the difference in my life. Now the hard part about this whole thing is that when i started off I was picturing the journey more a kin to that of Luke Skywalker, when in reality I am leaning more on the side of Anakin, and that is not a good thing, enough though some might beg to differ.
Now this whole thing is making me think about something a professor once talked about in class. He said no one is happy until the end is known. And I've been thinking about that statement a lot lately. Not to say that I am so unhappy because that is just not the case. I just really want to know what my end is, but I guess we all do. I miss my friends and family everyday. I once read a book and there was a quote at that end of it, it said something like never tell anybody anything, or you'll miss everyone. Never has that statement been more true than right now. Because I miss everyone like crazy, but I guess I must continue this journey weather I turn out to be the one that restores the force or I fall prey to the dark side, I'm in it now and hopefully I can make to best of this and not end up with my tail tucked between my legs back where I started.
I don't for the life of my even know why I wrote this post, it seems to be just another random blog, but I guess my intentions where to tell the ones that matter to me that I love and miss them, and that they are always with me.
Wednesday, April 21, 2010
Fridays after Five
Just last friday I had my first experience of "Friday's after Five" here in good ol' charlottesville. Now you may be asking yourself right now what exactly is"Friday's after Five" , you may not be also, you may be wondering how on earth did I stumble into this guy's blog? Either way you're here now so I'm just going to tell you. "Friday's after Five" is a thing they do here in charlottesville where a band puts on a concert at the downtown amphitheater, and people just sort of walk around and drink and eat and just enjoy the vibe of everything.
I must say that it was a pretty cool experience for me. Just being in that atmosphere with all of these very different people watching a jazz band up on stage was pretty cool. And really the coolest thing about the whole evening was the fact that I got to sit back and partake in one of my favorite past times, which is people watching. And let me just tell you like everywhere else there are some pretty crazy people that live here in charlottesville. But this entry is not to talk about all of those people, it's just about one in particular.
The first person that I'm going to talk about is a girl that I saw there. She really was just an ordinary girl like any other girl you might see these days. She was in her early 20's I'd say, definitely in college are on her way out. I think she probably didn't quite fit in high school through no fault of her own, just really didn't have to much in common with anybody there. But in college she has found the people that she was truly meant to be around. That sort of laid back bohemian group of people that just love to hang out in a field and hackie sack, or love talking about all different types of independent and foreign films. That love these little bitty coffee shops and cd stores that nobody has really ever heard about. I'm not at all saying any of this like it is a bad thing, because I seriously do fit into a lot of those categories that I just mentioned.
Now while I was watching this girl I found out one thing about myself, and that was the fact that never in my life did I want to be an inanimate object as much as I did when I saw her. She went up to a clearing on a hill and picked up a hula hoop, and she began hula hooping, and after just a few minutes of watching her I became completely mesmerized by her. I mean the way she was spinning this hula hoop up and down her body and flipping it around her hands and back down her body, I promise you it was like poetry in motion. I could almost swear that I was having this out of body experience. And it was quite wonderful. And after about five minutes or so she finally messed up and came down off the hill and hooked back up with the rest of her friends. But the thing is I think that is way I am in love with life so much that it sometimes hurts. Because I can see the beauty in all of these great things. Things that most people might just look at as an everyday occurrence, but to me it's not like that. Sometimes I feel like there is so much beauty in this world that we are all missing and it makes me sad. Sometimes it makes me sad because i feel like I need to find away to translate some of the beauty that I see to everyone else who might not see it. Sounds crazy I know, but really sanity doesn't sound this great, does it?
I must say that it was a pretty cool experience for me. Just being in that atmosphere with all of these very different people watching a jazz band up on stage was pretty cool. And really the coolest thing about the whole evening was the fact that I got to sit back and partake in one of my favorite past times, which is people watching. And let me just tell you like everywhere else there are some pretty crazy people that live here in charlottesville. But this entry is not to talk about all of those people, it's just about one in particular.
The first person that I'm going to talk about is a girl that I saw there. She really was just an ordinary girl like any other girl you might see these days. She was in her early 20's I'd say, definitely in college are on her way out. I think she probably didn't quite fit in high school through no fault of her own, just really didn't have to much in common with anybody there. But in college she has found the people that she was truly meant to be around. That sort of laid back bohemian group of people that just love to hang out in a field and hackie sack, or love talking about all different types of independent and foreign films. That love these little bitty coffee shops and cd stores that nobody has really ever heard about. I'm not at all saying any of this like it is a bad thing, because I seriously do fit into a lot of those categories that I just mentioned.
Now while I was watching this girl I found out one thing about myself, and that was the fact that never in my life did I want to be an inanimate object as much as I did when I saw her. She went up to a clearing on a hill and picked up a hula hoop, and she began hula hooping, and after just a few minutes of watching her I became completely mesmerized by her. I mean the way she was spinning this hula hoop up and down her body and flipping it around her hands and back down her body, I promise you it was like poetry in motion. I could almost swear that I was having this out of body experience. And it was quite wonderful. And after about five minutes or so she finally messed up and came down off the hill and hooked back up with the rest of her friends. But the thing is I think that is way I am in love with life so much that it sometimes hurts. Because I can see the beauty in all of these great things. Things that most people might just look at as an everyday occurrence, but to me it's not like that. Sometimes I feel like there is so much beauty in this world that we are all missing and it makes me sad. Sometimes it makes me sad because i feel like I need to find away to translate some of the beauty that I see to everyone else who might not see it. Sounds crazy I know, but really sanity doesn't sound this great, does it?
Monday, April 5, 2010
Rambling
I keep having this dream. It starts out very vividly, I'm not really sure where exactly i am but I am out in the water. And suddenly my legs just kind of give out, and I'm flapping my arms as fast and as hard as I can, but eventually they give out as well. and I just begin to sink. The crazy thing is that I'm just sinking and my brain is telling my body what it should be doing. You know what it needs to be doing to survive, but it just doesn't seem to be working. And after I can't hold my breath any longer I just open up and let it all overtake me. Now it is right around this moment that I seem to wake up in a panic. I've had that dream for the past three nights now. I kind of don't want to go to sleep tonight because I feel it might be more of the same.
But when I'm awake I can't say that it is too much better. I look out the window in my sister's apartment and I think that I actually might be drowning. I kind of feel the walls closing in on me. Did I make a mistake? Is this what I should be doing, or am I just bringing her down with me.
Sometimes I think I should just leave. Leave it all you know, no cell phone, no nothing. I don't want to be that guy you know. I don't want to be that guy that brings everyone else down with him. I didn't think I was that guy, but sometimes I get the feeling that I might be. I don't want people to have to worry about me messing thing up you know. I think that might think that, hell I kind of think that. This is not who I was always meant to be, but somehow, here I am. I think that I have let a lot of people down. I know I've let myself down thus far. I think I can see the disappointment in their eyes sometimes, even when they are doing there best to let me know that things happen, and you just have to keep trying.
My dad told me that you only fail when you stop trying. He said it's just life and things happen, but you have to keep going, when you stop that's when you fail. But I feel like I've already failed and that really sucks. I don't think I'm the man he wanted me to be, I always think that's hard for me, but I bet it's harder on him. A little image of himself running around being less than what he expected, probably doesn't feel too good.
I don't know why for the life of my I started writing this entry, I guess I wanted to talk about a dream that i felt was becoming reality or something, I don't know. It's a good thing nobody really reads this shit because it is total shit right now. Sorry for those of you who do. I'll wrap this thing up right now though. I was watching this movie the other day, and there was a line in it that was something like, " It's big, to finally let go and accept the life you never wanted." or something to that effect. And I remember being in the theater all by myself and thinking am I going to know what that feels like someday? Am I going to feel that way? I don't know....
But when I'm awake I can't say that it is too much better. I look out the window in my sister's apartment and I think that I actually might be drowning. I kind of feel the walls closing in on me. Did I make a mistake? Is this what I should be doing, or am I just bringing her down with me.
Sometimes I think I should just leave. Leave it all you know, no cell phone, no nothing. I don't want to be that guy you know. I don't want to be that guy that brings everyone else down with him. I didn't think I was that guy, but sometimes I get the feeling that I might be. I don't want people to have to worry about me messing thing up you know. I think that might think that, hell I kind of think that. This is not who I was always meant to be, but somehow, here I am. I think that I have let a lot of people down. I know I've let myself down thus far. I think I can see the disappointment in their eyes sometimes, even when they are doing there best to let me know that things happen, and you just have to keep trying.
My dad told me that you only fail when you stop trying. He said it's just life and things happen, but you have to keep going, when you stop that's when you fail. But I feel like I've already failed and that really sucks. I don't think I'm the man he wanted me to be, I always think that's hard for me, but I bet it's harder on him. A little image of himself running around being less than what he expected, probably doesn't feel too good.
I don't know why for the life of my I started writing this entry, I guess I wanted to talk about a dream that i felt was becoming reality or something, I don't know. It's a good thing nobody really reads this shit because it is total shit right now. Sorry for those of you who do. I'll wrap this thing up right now though. I was watching this movie the other day, and there was a line in it that was something like, " It's big, to finally let go and accept the life you never wanted." or something to that effect. And I remember being in the theater all by myself and thinking am I going to know what that feels like someday? Am I going to feel that way? I don't know....
Wednesday, March 24, 2010
Lost in Charlottesville
Today I got lost in charlottesville, which I guess is to be expected when my sister is the one giving you directions anywhere. Somebody tell me who lives in a place for almost a year and doesn't know the street names? A question that you really have to wrap your mind around. Not only that be then she has the nerve to get mad at me for being late. As if I was suppose to grasp everything the one time she showed me how to get there as she is flying through the city, talking on her cell phone, and pointing to random buildings that I am suppose to remember as she turns corners.
"Brandon, I don't know the names of the damn streets, I just know how to get to work." Well let me tell you that really does me a lot of good. Especially when I am at the corner of Richmond and Long street, which just so happens to be about 3 minutes away from your job, but I might as well be on the other side of the country for all you know, because you just don't know street names. Good times my friends.
Then to wrap up the day we went to softball practice for her work team, where through the whole practice I was just waiting for the music from the Bad New Bears to kick on as balls when between people legs, flying past their heads, and as people chased down more balls than I've seen since my T-ball days. To say that we are going to be bad, would probably be an insult to bad teams. There was actually a guy on the team that was holding the bat as if it were a cricket paddle. I can't wait to get this time with all the wrong stuff on the field for what will be the ultimate shit show. I know that it is gonna be an absolute blast getting our asses kicked every game and watching my sister fall all over herself and watching the ball catch her, but playing on a team like this makes me wish we were playing in a league that gave out butterflies and rainbows to the teams because everyone is a winner.
"Brandon, I don't know the names of the damn streets, I just know how to get to work." Well let me tell you that really does me a lot of good. Especially when I am at the corner of Richmond and Long street, which just so happens to be about 3 minutes away from your job, but I might as well be on the other side of the country for all you know, because you just don't know street names. Good times my friends.
Then to wrap up the day we went to softball practice for her work team, where through the whole practice I was just waiting for the music from the Bad New Bears to kick on as balls when between people legs, flying past their heads, and as people chased down more balls than I've seen since my T-ball days. To say that we are going to be bad, would probably be an insult to bad teams. There was actually a guy on the team that was holding the bat as if it were a cricket paddle. I can't wait to get this time with all the wrong stuff on the field for what will be the ultimate shit show. I know that it is gonna be an absolute blast getting our asses kicked every game and watching my sister fall all over herself and watching the ball catch her, but playing on a team like this makes me wish we were playing in a league that gave out butterflies and rainbows to the teams because everyone is a winner.
Tuesday, March 23, 2010
Our trip to Wal-Mart
So me and my sister went to wal-mart today which might have been the single most terrifying thing that has ever happened to me. To say that my sister is a special type of person is the biggest understatement that I could probably make. She is just bat shit crazy. Now the pre-cursor to us going on this shopping trip to wally world is that when she came home this last time she had just recently seen some lady on Oprah or some show that had used coupons in such a way that when the lady was done shopping she only had to pay 25 cents for like 200 dollars worth of groceries. So what my sister of course has to try some how to top this lady.
Now back to our trip to wal-mart. Now let's just say that the way that my sister shops is a little different, and by different I mean completely ridiculous. Now before I had entered college I never really went shopping, that's what my mom was for. But after my years of being on my own and higher education I pretty much have the shopping thing down to a science. Now of course at first I was pretty bad at it, but now when I go into wal-mart I really don't even need a list. I already mentally have it all in my head and I bounce from deli meats, to protein, to bread, on up the breakfast, then to chips and snacks, before heading back and grabbing my frozen veggies and fruit on the way out and the occasional stop back at deli for some wings. I'm in and out of that place so fast it would make your head spin.
This is not my sister's plan. She doesn't like to shop from front to back as she told me. She likes to start randomly in the middle, then head to the back and work her way up to the front. And when she misses something, which judging by our trip she most certainly does she has to retrace her steps because she has been working from the back of the store to the front. So inevitably a trip to wal-mart seems like a freaking eternity. But my friends that isn't even the worse part of this story.
Then there were the coupons. I always see those people in the store, but I've never actually been those people, that is until today. Because after the clerk has rang us up my sister pulls out the magic envelope that is stuffed full of coupons, and we have to go back as the lady now scans in the coupons that my sister has whipped out on her. And we go through them all and my sister does get a little bit of a discount, but the thing is the coupons she has, to get the discount it's like get 1 dollar off of coffee when you buy 3 boxes of cereal, or buy 5 bags of lays chips and get 1.50 off the sixth one. Which is completely crazy, but not for my sister because she food shops like there is going to be some kind of natural disaster and we won't be able to get back to the store. For instance right now in our freezer there are 12 individual digorno pizza for one.
But I must say that the only genius thing that she does is that she gets so much shit, that after it's all scanned through, and then she gives the coupons to the clerk, they don't even remember what they have scanned so when they ask her if she had x amount of certain products she says, "oh yeah of course I did." I mean what are they gonna do they don't give a shit, who would really.
But that whole trip to wal-mart blows up when I step back to pay for my portion of the groceries and she hands me some coupons, but a few of the coupons are not for the products that I have. They are for that brand of product, but they specify exactly what product you are suppose to use it for, and me seeing this decides not to use those particular coupons, and she is just totally beside herself. She keeps going on and on about how she's never taking me food shopping again and how it's really not lying if you are getting that brand, and how I should of just nutted up and used the coupons, so in a nut shell folks, this is my life please pray for me because I don't know if we are gonna make it.
Now back to our trip to wal-mart. Now let's just say that the way that my sister shops is a little different, and by different I mean completely ridiculous. Now before I had entered college I never really went shopping, that's what my mom was for. But after my years of being on my own and higher education I pretty much have the shopping thing down to a science. Now of course at first I was pretty bad at it, but now when I go into wal-mart I really don't even need a list. I already mentally have it all in my head and I bounce from deli meats, to protein, to bread, on up the breakfast, then to chips and snacks, before heading back and grabbing my frozen veggies and fruit on the way out and the occasional stop back at deli for some wings. I'm in and out of that place so fast it would make your head spin.
This is not my sister's plan. She doesn't like to shop from front to back as she told me. She likes to start randomly in the middle, then head to the back and work her way up to the front. And when she misses something, which judging by our trip she most certainly does she has to retrace her steps because she has been working from the back of the store to the front. So inevitably a trip to wal-mart seems like a freaking eternity. But my friends that isn't even the worse part of this story.
Then there were the coupons. I always see those people in the store, but I've never actually been those people, that is until today. Because after the clerk has rang us up my sister pulls out the magic envelope that is stuffed full of coupons, and we have to go back as the lady now scans in the coupons that my sister has whipped out on her. And we go through them all and my sister does get a little bit of a discount, but the thing is the coupons she has, to get the discount it's like get 1 dollar off of coffee when you buy 3 boxes of cereal, or buy 5 bags of lays chips and get 1.50 off the sixth one. Which is completely crazy, but not for my sister because she food shops like there is going to be some kind of natural disaster and we won't be able to get back to the store. For instance right now in our freezer there are 12 individual digorno pizza for one.
But I must say that the only genius thing that she does is that she gets so much shit, that after it's all scanned through, and then she gives the coupons to the clerk, they don't even remember what they have scanned so when they ask her if she had x amount of certain products she says, "oh yeah of course I did." I mean what are they gonna do they don't give a shit, who would really.
But that whole trip to wal-mart blows up when I step back to pay for my portion of the groceries and she hands me some coupons, but a few of the coupons are not for the products that I have. They are for that brand of product, but they specify exactly what product you are suppose to use it for, and me seeing this decides not to use those particular coupons, and she is just totally beside herself. She keeps going on and on about how she's never taking me food shopping again and how it's really not lying if you are getting that brand, and how I should of just nutted up and used the coupons, so in a nut shell folks, this is my life please pray for me because I don't know if we are gonna make it.
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