Top 10 List 2014 Part 2

I figured I better split this thing up into two separate posts otherwise you all might get a little bored of my long winded takes of what I think about all these wonderful movies.  So without further ado I give you my top 5 of this year. And if you don't agree with this please let me know. You aren't going to change my mind, but I welcome the conversation.

5. BIRDMAN

With the exception of Boyhood this year I think that this movie was the one that I was most excited to see. And let me just say right here and now that it did not disappoint.  Where should I even begin with this movie?  Well for starters let me just start off with the score.  A score that was really was just so awesome and powerful to me.  The drums in this score can only be described as sick.  There is a scene when Keaton's character is walking from the stage back to his dressing room and the score is kicking up and I just believe it is one of the most bad ass shots I've seen in a movie this year. I'm not even going to talk about the incredibly long takes because so many people have already done that for me. But just know that it is a sight to see. And anyone who knows and loves movies knows just how difficult something like this is. It is beautiful to see. I saved the best for last and that would have to be the acting in this movie. There is not a single weak character in the entire movie. I especially want to note that Emma Stone who I have always loved really kills it in this role after doing some kind of subpar movies for a bit. Edward Norton is Edward Norton, and I just wonder if this guy will ever not show up and crush whatever movie that he is in? But the star of the show is without a doubt Michael Keaton who is playing the title character.  He just shows such incredible range and depth that not just any actor can do. He is phenomenal in this movie which already has so many great performances. Oh my god when he gets locked out of the theater I just lost my shit. He is and will always be to me the one true BATMAN.

4. WHIPLASH

This movie I'll tell you did a number on me. Before going to watch it I had heard that Miles Teller and J.K. Simmons were amazing in it and believe me they both were.  But I did not think that I would have such a connection with a movie about a jazz orchestra as I did. From the moment that J.K. Simmons character appears on screen giving warm encouragement of just have fun and then instantly spitting out venom all over these kids and ruling the orchestra by pure fear I was transported back to being 18 years old and playing baseball at Seminole State. Where a coach who could seem like the loveliest guy in the world one minute would make it his life's goal to bring you to tears the next. I am telling you that it is amazing to see these two actors play off of one another. J.K. Simmons is almost a lock to win best supporting actor for his performance in this movie. And for what my opinion is worth I'll say that Miles Teller is one of the best young actors out there working today. I do think there is an interesting notion in this movie in what it takes to be truly great at something.  It is not something that everyone has in themselves and on the outside looking in, it might seem crazy to do some of the things that Teller's character does.  People that get to the very top of whatever field, sacrifice a lot to get there. In one of the best scenes in the movie Simmons's character is talking about how Charlie Parker got his nickname, and he goes through this speech and at the end of it all he says, "there are no two harmful words in the English language that good job."  I swear to you it is a crazy thing seeing that on the screen when you've lived through a coach that feels the same way. And without giving anything away, I must say that the final scene of this movie is one of the best most satisfying scenes I've ever seen in a movie.

3. INHERENT VICE

I think for anyone out there that has been paying attention over the last decade will agree that Paul Thomas Anderson is by far one of the top filmmakers working today. And while he is a top filmmaker and all of his movies are fantastic I will say that some of them are hard watches. And by that I mean that they take everything out of you when you watch one of them and even with that there can be so much of it still left for interpretation. And a lot of the time they are not movies that you can go back right away and watch. They are movies that need to settle in and sometimes it might be a year before you get back to it. And while Inherent Vice is vintage P.T.A. I will say that as soon as this movie was over I found myself wanting to jump right back in and watch it all over again. I F-ing love this movie. It is one of the funniest movies I've seen this year. It made me want to be dropped right into LA in the 70's and hang out with some of these characters. Joaquin Phoenix playing the role of Doc is just fantastic. I use to hate Phoenix because his role in To Die For creeped me out so much.  But I have been on record lately saying that I believe that he is the greatest working actor right now. I almost feel that there is no role this guy can't tackle. And as a stoner private eye navigating through the seedy world of LA in the 70's he is unbelievable. And let me say that Josh Brolin desires equal praise in this movie. He two is a fantastic actor that is doing some really great work right now. There is a scene between Doc and his ex Shasta played by Katherine Waterston that I think it about 8 minutes long without a cut and for my money the only other scene hotter than that one this year would be the scene where Rosemund Pike slits Neil Patrick Harris's throat while having sex in Gone Girl. Go into this movie and just enjoy the ride, and if you can smoke a J before you go. And just try not to get wrapped up by the lovable Doc and his misadventures. 

2. SELMA

Has there been a more powerful movie this year? I do not believe so. Has there been a better acted or better directed movie this year? I do not believe so. I guess I just want to start this by saying that it is a goddamn tragedy that this movie was basically only nominated for best picture and best song. I defy anyone to tell me an actor that did a better job not only playing a character, but playing a generation defining character than David Oyelowo did playing Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. I promise you that you won't find it. He was amazing in this movie, as were so many others. Carmen Ejojo who played Corretta Scott King is amazing in this movie. And how for the life of me in a year where the best supporting actress category was very weak did she not get a nomination is beyond me. And oh my god can Tim Roth play a bad guy like nobody's business. I don't know if there is a more relevant movie out there than this one, especially with the recent events that have been going on in this country. This is an unbelievably powerful movie about a very unfortunate time in this country.  Really a black eye if you ask me.  And the men and women both black and white that came together and stood up for the rights of people. For the equal rights of all people. That is a powerful sentence and it is such a powerful message that this movie delivers. There are scenes in this movie that are so beautiful shot and so quietly done but they are louder than you could ever imagine that even now when I write about them I start to tear up. And the scene on the bridge when the cops stop the marchers and gas them and beat these unarmed people senseless is one of the most heartbreaking scenes you'll ever see in a movie.  And the fact that this not only played out in real life but also played out on Television for everyone in the country to see, well it's almost unbearable. This is a movie that everyone out there has to go and see. This is a movie that will bring out the best in all of us.

1. BOYHOOD
This movie was a doozy for me. Going into this year this movie was by far my most anticipated movie of the year. So much so that I know those closet to me were probably counting down the days until I saw it so I would shut up about it. I have been on record many times saying that Richard Linklater is my favorite working filmmaker. And this movie really and truly just cemented that statement. When I even begin to try and talk about this movie I almost start to come unglued I get so emotional. This wasn't just my favorite movie this year, it is probably my favorite movie in the last 5 years. There has been no single movie that I can think of in recent history that struck me right to the core like this movie did. The big thing about this movie was the fact that it was filmed over the period of the last 12 years. Using all the same actors so that when you are watching this movie about the passage of time, you are actually watching the passage of time. There is no movie magic here folks. And really when you think about that it is pretty special. But if that were not the case, this movie would still be undeniable. The writing and the acting in this movie is a sight to see. This story of a boy growing up in Texas after his parents divorce at an early age is something that I feel is ripped right out of my own life. I've never been more connected to a movie honestly, and I watch a lot of movies. There were all of these quiet scenes in this movie that when they played out I lost it in the theater because what was being portrayed on screen so closely resembled the life that I have lead that I couldn't believe it. I felt as though Richard Linklater had written this script using only the inner thoughts of my mind and memories of life through my perspective. It is so amazing and important to me that in the age of blockbusters and marvel movies that a movie like this can be made and be such a big success. The acting in this movie is just fantastic. From the lead character Ellar Coltrane who plays mason to Lorelei Linklater playing his sister Samantha to Ethan Hawke and Patricia Arquette playing the Mom and Dad characters in this movie. I absolutely love loved Ethan Hawke's performance but in a year where best supporting actor category is loaded I'm afraid he will not be walking away with an Oscar. I an still here is character saying, "you don't want the bumpers, life doesn't give you bumpers." While they are out bowling. Patricia Arquette was an absolute force to be reckoned with in this movie playing the matriarch of the family and having so many ups and downs to go through. Trying to find herself while also trying to raise and provide for her family. I just can't even write enough about how much I love this movie. And the song "Hero" by Family of the Year is the most heartbreakingly beautiful song that I have ever heard in my entire life. It is definitely one of the title tracks of this part of my life. I just want every person that I know and love to go out and see this movie. I want everyone period to see this movie. Believe me it is worth it.

So there it is folks. My Top 10 List of 2014.  If you've stayed with me long enough to read through all of this I really hope that you have enjoyed it. Because I have enjoyed writing it. And now bring on 2015.  I can't wait to sink my teeth into all the good stuff that is coming this way.  This is going to be the year of the Blockbuster y'all.  And we are getting a new STAR WARS movie. I could not be more excited for this year in movies.  Before I go i just wanted to show some love to a few more movies that honestly I wanted to put on this list but just ran out of room.


1. THE GRAND BUDAPEST HOTEL
Wes Anderson just refuses to ever make a bad movie, so I refuse not to go and see anything he makes.

2. TOP FIVE
Chris Rock is back and funnier than ever. One of the funniest romantic comedies I have ever seen.

3. WILD
Reese Witherspoon is spectacular in this one. And I'm a sucker for people that take a spiritual journey through nature.

4. ST. VINCENT
I dare any of you to go to this movie and not feel good when it's over. Bill Murray just thank you.

5. THE GAMBLER
What if I was to tell you I wasn't a gambler? Don't think I've ever had this much fun watching a gambling movie.

6. DEAR WHITE PEOPLE
This is a movie for my generation and the generation of millennials living right now. What a wonderful portrait of race and race relations right now.

7. ONLY LOVERS LEFT ALIVE
Now this my friends is a vampire movie I can get on board with. Oh my god so freaking cool.

Top 10 List of 2014 Part 1

Well Ladies and Sirs I think you've all waited long enough. It's that time of the year that I know you have all been waiting for. It's time for my Top 10 List of 2014.  I know what you are thinking right now, and before you even finish that thought allow me to tell you to shut up.  Because if you didn't know this my year goes from Oscars to Oscars. Much like the TV networks year starts in August and ends in May. Oh and here is another twist on my Top 10 List it's really 13 movies and you know what I don't care because I couldn't just stop at 10.  So here goes nothing.

10D. GUARDIANS OF THE GALAXY
If I'm being honest here this movie is probably the reason that I needed to go to 13.  Because I just couldn't bump anything out of my top 10 and I just wanted to badly to put this movie in. This is definitely one of the best rides I went on in a movie this year. I hope so badly that these people exists in our galaxy.  The comedic timing between Rocket, Groot, and Drax the Destroyer are worth the price of admission alone. Let me also say that I think that Chris Pratt becoming a superstar has been a long time coming. I remember him way back when he was in The O.C. and I loved him then.  And if you don't like Andy from Parks and Rec you are just wrong. Who out there doesn't want to see a group of misfits become heroes? I also Challenge anyone to watch this movie and not immediately want to buy the soundtrack.

10C. OBVIOUS CHILD
I saw this movie quite a bit ago in the early summer of 2014 if I'm not mistaken and it is a movie that has been with me ever since. I think it is a movie that just hits all the right notes.  And after watching this movie and already seeing her has Mona-Lisa Ralphio on Parks and Rec I have to just say that the sky is the limit for this young actress. she is just an all around breath for fresh air. And really in a time when there just really isn't enough good roles for women I believe that this is one of the better ones of the year. Also touching on a topic that not to many people want to touch these days (abortion) but doing it in a way that feels very real and natural to the choices that people make every single day. I can't tell you how much I love this movie, and it got me hooked on Paul Simon so thank you for that.

10B. FURY
I'm really not sure if I've ever seen a war movie quite like this one. And while there are some that I like better such as Saving Private Ryan, Platoon, or even Glory for instance I still can't shake the haunting affect that this movie had on me. As Brad Pitt's Wardaddy leads a tank crew through Germany at the end of WWII you will be amazed. Pitt is amazing as always but the rest of the actors in this movie shine as well. Including Shia LeBeouf who I'm sure you've all thought has fallen off the face of the earth. Watching Logan Lerman's Character go from innocent to become a blunt instrument of war brings me back to my first year of college playing baseball at Seminole State. Which also made me want to call up all the gentlemen I played with at and around that time and let them all know, Playing ball with you, best job I ever had. 

10A. BEGIN AGAIN
Sometimes a movie comes along at just the right time and it can remind you of how wonderfully optimistic life can be.  And for me Begin Again is that movie.  A movie about a songwriter and a music producer creating a wonderful album using the great city of New York as their inspiration and their almost romance. This movie just hits me on so many levels for starters the music in it is just amazing. for seconds Mark Ruffalo is my hero and the chemistry between him and Keira Knightley is just wonderful.  And I have to say that Adam Levine playing a even doucheier version of himself is so damn funny to see. I think it's just a wonderful movie that will remind you that no matter how far you fall, it's never too late to Begin Again.

9. EDGE OF TOMORROW
I know that even as I write this one down there are so many of you Tom Cruise haters out there that can't even believe that this one made the list. Let me just say that your cynicism and dislike for Tome Cruise is causing you to miss out on some damn good movies. This being one of them. On the surface this movie is an Action/Sci-Fi movie but believe me it is so much more. Let me say that it is so much more because of how great an actor Tom Cruise is. I found myself cracking up so many times in this movie, a lot of that having to do with the wonderful Bill Paxton who steals the show. And it is action packed, but the drama of this movie is very hard hitting and so movie. Emily Blunt also shines, but really when doesn't she, and she is just wonderful opposite of Tom Cruise. I really just dare you to know like this movie.

8. CHEF
I'm not kidding when I say this, but this movie might just be the feel good movie of the year. It is actually between this movie and St. Vincent. I just love this movie on so many different levels. The first of course being that it is a father and son movie. If you know me at all, you know I'm a sucker for that because of how important my father is to me. Second, the food that they show in this movie is amazing. I just wanted more and more scenes of Jon Favreau's character just cooking great food. Then on top of all of that it is a road trip movie as well. It's almost as if the movie gods wrapped this one up in a bow and delivered it to me. This is just a really wonderful and funny movie. John Leguizamo is the perfect best friend character to Jon Favreau and there is this wacky hilarious scene with Robert Downey Jr. that makes me happier and happier every time I see this movie.

7. FOXCATCHER
Bennet Miller is becoming one of the most fascinating directors around if you ask me.  He really just knocked it out of the park with Moneyball, no pun intended. And then he comes back with Foxcatcher and just blows me away. The performances by the three LEADS in this movie is amazing.  I say that they are all leads because that is exactly what I believe.  I think that you will be hard pressed to find three better performances in any movie let alone all in the same movie this year.  Steve Carrell is almost unrecognizable as DuPont in this movie and his performance is chilling. I think that it is well documented my feelings about Mark Ruffalo and in this movie he once again he just blows my mind. And I want to take a minute to talk about Channing Tatum who was not nominated but just gives the best performance of his career. As he finds himself drawn in my Carrell's DuPont only to be thrown away when his brother Ruffalo shows up. The fact that this movie is a true story will blow your mind. Go see this movie right now.

6. NIGHTCRAWLER
Where do I even begin with this movie? I guess the only true way to start to talk about this film is to talk about what Jake Gyllenhaal and what a spectacular job he did in this film. I believe that this year Gyllenhaal not being nominated for his portrayal of a fringe character on the edge of society that will do anything to get ahead Lou Bloom was one of the biggest snubs of the Oscars.  I came into this movie expecting to see a great performance from Gyllenhaal but what I saw was nothing that I could have ever expected and that is in the best possible way. I believe that this movie depicts a very harsh and what I believe a very true look on what living the "American Dream" can really mean in this country.  I will venture to say that Lou Bloom isn't the only person in this country to do despicable things to get ahead.  And for anyone living out here in LA you will get a special kick out of the movie because it is an LA movie to its very bones from the opening titles all the way to the end credits.

"Technology"

Hello out there one and all.  I've decided to take today to talk about something that I think has been building up in me over the past 4 or 5 months.  Something that finally came to a head earlier this week and I just thought to myself if I don't say something about this then who the hell will.  I have decided to put this weight on my shoulders and I will be the spokesperson of this very important issue.

So my best friend Bryan and I often times get into a heated (and when I say heated I mean by the end of the conversation we are yelling at each other to get our points across) conversation about the place that technology has in today's society.  Now my friend Bryan, like the mindless drone that is still plugged into the Matrix that he is, seems to think that all the advances in "technology" are just oh so great and where would we be without them? Blah, blah, blah, blah.  I could go on but I think you all know where he is going with it and deep down I think you all know just how wrong he is and you just don't want to hear it anymore.  Instead you'd like to hear the voice of reason (ME) in this argument.  For those few out there that actually agree with him, it's okay, I get it.  But you're wrong, and I hate you, and you're dead to me forever. Or at least until you grow up and agree with me.

You may be wondering why I'm shaking my fist in the air to "technology", like the old man that runs out when kids are playing on his front yard.  You may be wondering if I'm talking about the ever growing invasion of privacy that "technology" seems to be inviting or the fact that we all seem to becoming more and more disconnected with one another because we are all so worried about being connected to this virtual reality that is nothing more than a front for what we all want our lives to really be.  And if you are thinking that let me just say that you are not wrong, but that is not what I am going to talk about today.

Today I'm talking about something much more important than that. Today I'm talking about a fundamental thing that should strike right at the core of who we all are as individuals and as a society as a whole. I know that you already know what I'm talking about, but I'm going to go ahead and say it anyway.  I'm of course talking about that dastardly company APPLE and their efforts to do away with the wonderful art of the Mixed CD. I have recently over the past few months learned this from several people that have newer APPLE laptops.  Apparently as a way to make their "technology" better APPLE has decided to get rid of the CD/DVD doc in their newer computers.  

Now I ask you all what kind of GODDAMN DEVIL WORSHIPPING, TERRORIST LOVING, BABY SEAL CLUBBING company would do such a thing?  One of the lost arts in our society as a whole today is the art of making a truly great mixed CD.  To be able to go to a store and buy a cheap pack of blank CDs, to go home and put together a wonderful 15 song playlist that helps with a break-up or feels like the summer.  And then send that CD to your friends to make them smile, or your family, or even a lover. I don't know where I'd be in my life if I wasn't able to do something like this that maybe brings a little bit of joy into people's lives that mean the world to me.

And as "technology" keeps pushing forward and CDs become obsolete this art form of always trying to find the perfect mix will slowly die off.  I can't go out and buy all my closest friends a damn IPOD every time I want to make them a new mix.  And soon slowly but surely the people that I am closest to will no longer be able to get these little pieces of me in the form of glorious mixed CDs.  I don't know about any of you but who the hell wants to live in a world like that?  That is not the kind of world I want to start and raise a family up in.  There a quite of few of my friends that already have kids and I just worry about the type of world that these kids are going to grow up in.  What is the next thing "technology" is going to take away from them?  Are they going to have to grow up in a world with no HIGH-FIVES?  Only LOW-FIVES from here on out.  You may think I'm joking, but DAMMIT!!!!! This is the way things go. And frankly I'm not ready to live in a world with no more MIXED CDS.  Do something right this year, and join the fight.


Automatic car washers are just another form of "technology" taking from us. Get out there and do it yourself, like this guy.

Happy MLK Day

On a day that is so important to me and should be to so many others I wanted to take just a moment to be thankful and thank all of those that came before me.  All of those that have struggled so that I might live the life that I have today free to do and be whomever that I want to be.  I want to thank Martin Luther King Jr. and all those that stood up so that I might be considered equal not only in the eyes of god but in the eyes of everyone in this country.

I also just want to take a brief moment to say one thing. One thing that has come to me over the last month. One thing that I believe is paramount to the happiness of myself and maybe even you if you are reading this.  I have recently decided that a life spent worrying and hanging around the middle hoping that things stay nice and smooth is not really a life worth living.  If you are going to do something, why not got balls out and do it all the way.  Bare your soul and be the best at it you can be.

Make a decision to be.  And in being be the best that you can be. Be the best friend that you can possibly be and go above and beyond anything that you can imagine.  Be the best teacher or dog walker or whatever you want to be in life.  But go all in.  Don't sit in the middle or be half in and half out.  It just doesn't work that way. Make a decision to put all your chips on the table.  Put them all on RED or all on BLACK and don't be afraid of what is going to happen when the wheel stops spinning. Because if when it does you find that you have lost it all it doesn't matter. As long as there is breath in your body and fight in your soul you can build it all back up and go again. It's never over in life, not as long as you're still standing.

So go and be bold. Find something or someone to love and go all in. make a decision to be happy and be your best self and never look back.

The Black American Male

As I sit in the library trying to do something that I love to do, write, I find that I can't sit still or concentrate for more than five seconds at a time.  I had known that this day was going to come for weeks and even months now, but there still isn't anything that really gets you prepared for it.  And believe you me, I know that it has been a while since I've gotten on here and the verdict of the Michael Brown case really wasn't how I wanted to return to all of you, but I just feel something creeping up inside me and if I hold it down for too long I'm afraid of what might really happen.

I really don't know what to say, or maybe I have a lot to say I just don't really want to say it.  Because as soon as I do I know that all of you will look at me differently.  I know that I'll be relegated to the role of the angry black man, and all of my life I've been told never to go there.  I've been told never to fall prey to that stereotype because in that stereotype that is when the worst case scenario can happen.  And I really don't want to get into the what really happened of it all, I just really want to say that I am disappointed and that I am very sad.  

I know it might sound crazy because I didn't know this young man who was killed and even if I would have met him there is a chance we would not be friend and I would not like him, but I feel a certain kinship with him.  It is the kinship that only another black male can really and truly feel in this country.  I'm talking about a kinship that comes from seeing women clutch their purses a little tighter when you step into an elevator with them.  Or the feeling you get when you walk into a party and everyone is clocking you nervous about what "kind" of black person you are until they meet you and you feel them breathe that sigh of relief.  I'm talking the kinship that only a young black male can know when your dad buys you your first car and within a month you get pulled over because, "that light was yellow when you were going through it and I'm pretty sure it was red before you got through so that's technically running a red light son." "Now, is this your car? Where did you get it from?  Are you sure it's not stolen? Do you have any warrant? You don't have to lie to me so if you have some warrants tell me know and I can go easier on you."  I wish these were just some lines that I made up or this was all just a joke, but these are the words I've heard from cops multiple times in my life.  Even though I've never been arrested, never been suspended from school, hell I've never even gotten a ticket in my entire life.  Well I've had a few parking tickets actually.

By all accounts I am an upstanding citizen and really just a good person but when a cop sees me all he can see is a suspect.  This is the realization of so many if not all Black American men in this country.  I can't be having a bad day if I'm speaking to a police officer.  I have to talk to them as if I was a 10 year old child getting ready to get scolded by his father.  No matter what he says or does I can't get upset.  I have to kiss his ass and hope to god that he doesn't think of me as a threat.  This is the life that Black American males live in this country.  And if you are reading this and you think that I'm full of shit, go ask your black friend about it.  Sit down and have a real conversation about this stuff.  I promise you they will tell you, and they will be all the more grateful to you for asking.

I think that it is a serious problem that as a citizen of this wonderful country that I have to be in constant fear and a completely self aware when it comes to police officers.   Some of you may wake up everyday afraid of being robbed  or raped or the victim of a heinous crime.  But I wake up thinking that at some point in my life my number is going to be pulled and I'm going to come face to face with a member of law enforcement and that person might kill me.  This may sound crazy to you but it's true.  As a Black male living in America I am afraid of the people who have sworn an oath to protect me.  Because I know that in this country the value of a Black male's life means next to nothing if you can't dribble a basketball, break tackles, or are funny in movies.  And I know that some people out there might think that I am being ridiculous and that I'm exaggerating my stance but I assure you I am not.  Too many times I have to turn on the news and see young Black men dead at the hands of law enforcement.  And too many times those Black men are unarmed.  

For all those that know me they know that I am about the most mild mannered person you will ever meet, and I genuinely want to get to know just about ever person I meet.  My nickname in college my freshman year was Cupcake for god's sake.  But I know that from the outside looking in that I am a 6'3 and a large man that can look imposing.  So maybe I do go out of my way to be friendly towards people and act in a mild manner because don't ever want there to be a situation where people are afraid of me.  And it makes me mad as hell, because why should I have to even be this way.  Why do I have to go out of my way to make people feel like I'm not a threat?

So Michael Brown was unarmed and he was shot and killed.  And there was no indictment.  So the cop was justified in shooting and unarmed man, and he was justified in waiting so long to call it in, and the police force of ferguson was justified in letting the body sit out in the street and rot for hours, and they are also justified in the age of technology where my 8 year old cousin has a phone with video capability in not having dash cameras on their cars.  The whole situation stinks to me, but I know we live in a country of due process and that process played itself out, but somehow it doesn't seem like justice was done.  And I'm sure months from now we will all have forgotten about this mess and moved on to the next scandal and Michael Brown will be nothing more than a statistic to all those outside of his family.  And I just can't help thinking who will be the next Michael Brown?  Who will be the next Unarmed Black Male to die at the hands of a cop?  Will it be me?

Right now at this very moment, to quote a wonderful movie Network, I'M MAD AS HELL, AND I'M NOT GOING TO TAKE THIS ANYMORE!  But we all know that's not true.  I'm going to continue to live my life in the right way that I've been taught my whole life and just hope to god that I'm number never gets pulled and that it's not my parents at the center of all of this because I was shot down.  

The first step to solving a problem is to admitting that there is one.  And there is a big problem in this country and I'm tired of hearing people say that because there is a black president there can't be racism or prejudice, that in and of itself is a problem.  The problem is that in this country white people do not trust black people, and black people do not trust white people.  I know that there are a thousand ways to argue against this and people reading this might completely disagree with me and that is fine.  You are wrong, but it is your right.  And until we acknowledge this and I mean really acknowledge this and go out of our ways to talk about it, and I mean talk about it in ways that make everybody talking uncomfortable we will never be able to solve it.  If you are out there and you took the time to read this and think about it, thank you.  And if you want to talk about any of it with me please please do.

A Love Letter to BASEBALL & DEREK JETER

   So I just finished watching the last game DEREK JETER will ever play at yankee stadium.  And I am still in tears.  And yes it is true that I cry a lot but how can you know be in tears after a performance like the one that I just saw.  After 20 years of excellence and doing it all his way DEREK JETER got a walk off single shooting the ball the other way like he has done so many times in his career.  This man has been a special player.  A player for the ages in any age.  I have been on record saying that he is the greatest Yankee in the history of this storied organization and I will never back down from that statement.  

   But this blog isn't about that.  It's about something else entirely.  I want to write about BASEBALL and what it means to me.  I've actually tried to write this blog 3 times this week, but every time I start I can't seem to keep a thought in my head and I go in every different direction trying to some it all up.  JETER, baseball, life.... There really isn't even words or time to express what they all mean but I'm going to do my best and try right now.

   Simply put, BASEBALL is the best thing that has ever happened to me.  I can say that and mean in 100 percent.  

   I have never been nor really will I ever be the most confident guy in the room. I mean I've been in the room with the most confident guy in the room so I know what it looks like, but that guy is definitely not me. Now over the years I've learned how to fake it, but there has always been one place where I didn't have to fake it and that was on the baseball field.  I'll tell you what, it's the best feeling in the world.  To be able to lace them up everyday and know that you have a group of guys counting on you and you're not going to let them down.  

   The day I knew I could no longer cut it and decided to hang up my cleats was one of the saddest days of my life.  It was an inter-squad scrimmage at OU.  I was one of the pitchers that was going to pitch that day.  I knew before I stepped out of the mound that it was going to be the last time I ever did so.  My arm had been hurting me a lot lately and I just didn't have the stuff to keep up with everyone else anymore.  I just wasn't good enough.  My dad came and watched me and so did my best friend Bryan.  I can't remember if I pitched Two or Three innings that day.  I do remember I lost a little bit in the last inning, but I didn't give up a run.  And I remember when I was done, I knew I was done.  

   And the game went on, like it has for a hundred years and like it will for a hundred more.  Because the game always goes on weather you're Brandon Ponder or DEREK JETER.  I remember falling into a great depression when I was done playing and feeling so incredibly lost.  The thing that I had done the longest in my life was gone and I had no idea who I was without it.  But I got over it like all of us ex ball players do.  Not really getting over it at all just finding things to occupy our time until the next spring comes around, and then the next spring, and the next one.  Until somewhere down the round it doesn't quite hurt as much.

   And I find myself today loving baseball maybe even more than I have in my entire life.  This game is magical.  It is America's game.  I have had great loves in my life, and both of the have ended poorly.  The girl who I will not name completely destroyed me, but that is nothing compared to what the other love of my life did to me, BASEBALL.  But that love is an undying love that will stand the test of time.  

   I repeat baseball is the best thing that ever happened to me.  It gave me memories with my father that I will cherish for the rest of my life.  It gave me friendships that are more like a brotherhood that will never be broken.  It gave me a toughness that can never been taken by anyone, a will to know that I can run through a wall if need be.  It gave me a romantic heart that beats stronger every day that I am walking this great earth.  It gave me a place in the universal when I felt completely out of place.

   And you may be reading this and think that the guy writing it is completely bat shit crazy and maybe I am.  But I'm pushing 30 years old and I have loved baseball since I was about 5 years old.  That is 25 years for all of you out there counting.  So if you are reading this ask yourself if there is anything in your life still that you have loved since you were 5 years old?  And then ask yourself how can you not be romantic about baseball?

Bryan, Brad, Clayton, Ricky, Nick, Mike, Church, Alyssa, Alan, Cory, Cody, Justin, Cavner, Case, Bill, Don, Randall, Bradon, Tiger, Giblet, Timmy, Jimmy, Chuckie, John, Amy, Kelli, Brynn, Brittani, Cooper, Bo, Newman, JoJo, Hurley, Jenny, Coleen, Kyla, Mike, Miller, and so many so many more. These are just some of the people that baseball has put in my life.  Baseball is the best thing that ever happened to me, and I owe everything in my life to it.  So on a night like tonight when I get to see DEREK JETER play his last home game at Yankee Stadium and get a walk off single.  I know that life is pretty good.

BOYHOOD!!!!

By:  Brandon K. Ponder


It's been a long time.  I shouldn't of left you.  Without some dope words to step to.  Step to.  Step to.  And in comes Alyiah with that magical voice.  Well maybe not.  I hope if you are reading this you get that little delicious 90's reference I just dropped all over you.  Now for those of you that are in no mood to take the all that is me in any given blog, well I suggest you stop reading because today I feel like I actually might have something to say.  And you all know that I can make of mess of something like that.

So today I watched a movie.  Which I guess that is not the most groundbreaking news when it comes to me, but man did I ever see a MOVIE today.  If you've read this in the past or you have talked to me before in any kind of detail then you know that Richard Linklater is pretty much my favorite director out there.  Now you might be saying to yourself, "But Ponder, you have some many favorite directors/writers/movies, how the hell am I to keep up?" Fair enough, but really this guy makes movies that I am just in ahhhh of and the kind of movies that I want to make.  And his latest movie BOYHOOD is no different.

I remember when I first saw the trailer for this movie.....

.... I normally don't do that but I can't leave that trailer for the end of this.  I need people, if people even do read this to watch this right away, because for me this movie has been the movie of the year, and quite frankly I do believe that it is a masterpiece.  So I would like as many people to see it as possible.  Or maybe I don't so that I can feel like I found something special and the rest of you idiots out there have no taste in cinema.  

I had been waiting for this movie for over a year now and let me tell you that it delivered on every note that it possibly could and maybe even more.  The movie about a boy growing up in Texas dealing with life and the aftermath of his parents divorce for some strange reason hit a little closer to home than I ever thought that it would. (I can be a little slow sometimes)  Even though my life happened in such a different way than the kid in this movie I can't help but feel so close to this character.  There were scenes in this movie that I literally felt like I was taking a punch right in the gut while watching it.  

And like I said I've had such a different experience but in a way so much the same.  I watched this movie and I realized something that I guess I have always known or realized for such a long time.  My parents divorce has effected me in so many ways that it is really hard to put into words.  

Now let me just note that I'm not going to talk about how my parent screwed me up or I blame them for all my shortcoming, no that was probably the Brandon from 3 or 4 years ago.  I mean life happens and my parents got divorced.  I think they did a pretty good job and I seem to have turned out okay.  But I do feel that in the back of my head I will always be screwed when it comes to relationships. 

Not that I'm this dating dynamo anyways, but there is this thing that seems to always be there.  And that thing that I am talking about is this...  My DAD has and will always be my HERO.  And I think I will be forever 12 years old pitching to him in the backyard working on throwing strikes.  And my MOM, well she's just the greatest woman and for the record possibly the greatest person I've ever known.  And if my hero and the greatest person I known can't make it work?  Well then let's face it I'm pretty much a lost cause.

And quite frankly I am always secretly routing for my parents to get back together.  I remember like a month ago, I lied to my Mom.  And not like a white lie, but a she asked me a question but I thought the truth might hurt her feelings or something so I purposely lied to her.  I remember all of this because I haven't purposely lied to my mom in I don't even know how long, and I remember after hanging up the phone with her it hurt a little bit.

But before I get to the lie, let me just tell you how I got to the lie.  So I have a sister.  I love my sister very dearly, but my sister is not someone you can tell things to.  Or if you tell her something you have to say Tiffany don't tell anyone I said this, and then really it's still about 50/50.  Why do I always forget this? I'll never know.  

So we were talking and I thought we were in the cone of secrets and I told her that I think that deep down in my heart I think that mom and dad will someday get back together.  Because what can I say, I don't think I can live in a world where I don't think there is a chance for my parents, even after all these years.  So of course since I told my sister, it is only natural to assume that she opened her big mouth and told our mother this, because well, my sister has a big mouth.  

So now imagine my surprise when I call my mom on the way to work yet another 15 hour day just to say hi because I haven't talked to her in a while and she says, "Brandon, do you think that me and your dad are going to get back together?  Because your sister seems to think so." Now of course I think so, because what can I say, I'm a hopeless romantic and who doesn't want their parents to be together.  But I'm on my way to work and I don't want to get into it, and more importantly I don't want to hear my mom say that there is never going to be a chance that her and my dad get back together, so I lied to my mother.

Now I have no idea why I just told you that story but somehow I felt that it was relevant.  I just had this experience while watching this movie and I started to wonder about all the things that my parents might have given up.  I'm getting to do all the things that I want to do, but I worry that maybe they haven't done what they've wanted on the count of me.  I mean neither one of them have remarried.  

Not to say that there haven't been people in their lives.  I mean jesus my dad has brought quite the line-up by in my life, from women that have bought me socks, to women that were only like 4 or 5 years older than me, to whoever.  And the number of arcades I went to when I was younger because my mom was dating some guy that was trying to impress me, and my mom knew I liked videogames.  

I guess I'm just trying to say how much this movie meant to me. Because as a sometimes introverted guy who often times has a pretty pessimistic view on life that is always in the background watching things, this movie really really hit home.  I really want people to see this movie, and also I really want my parents to be has happy as they want to be.  I know the second sounds weird but it's the honest truth.