Top 10 List of 2014 Part 1

Well Ladies and Sirs I think you've all waited long enough. It's that time of the year that I know you have all been waiting for. It's time for my Top 10 List of 2014.  I know what you are thinking right now, and before you even finish that thought allow me to tell you to shut up.  Because if you didn't know this my year goes from Oscars to Oscars. Much like the TV networks year starts in August and ends in May. Oh and here is another twist on my Top 10 List it's really 13 movies and you know what I don't care because I couldn't just stop at 10.  So here goes nothing.

10D. GUARDIANS OF THE GALAXY
If I'm being honest here this movie is probably the reason that I needed to go to 13.  Because I just couldn't bump anything out of my top 10 and I just wanted to badly to put this movie in. This is definitely one of the best rides I went on in a movie this year. I hope so badly that these people exists in our galaxy.  The comedic timing between Rocket, Groot, and Drax the Destroyer are worth the price of admission alone. Let me also say that I think that Chris Pratt becoming a superstar has been a long time coming. I remember him way back when he was in The O.C. and I loved him then.  And if you don't like Andy from Parks and Rec you are just wrong. Who out there doesn't want to see a group of misfits become heroes? I also Challenge anyone to watch this movie and not immediately want to buy the soundtrack.

10C. OBVIOUS CHILD
I saw this movie quite a bit ago in the early summer of 2014 if I'm not mistaken and it is a movie that has been with me ever since. I think it is a movie that just hits all the right notes.  And after watching this movie and already seeing her has Mona-Lisa Ralphio on Parks and Rec I have to just say that the sky is the limit for this young actress. she is just an all around breath for fresh air. And really in a time when there just really isn't enough good roles for women I believe that this is one of the better ones of the year. Also touching on a topic that not to many people want to touch these days (abortion) but doing it in a way that feels very real and natural to the choices that people make every single day. I can't tell you how much I love this movie, and it got me hooked on Paul Simon so thank you for that.

10B. FURY
I'm really not sure if I've ever seen a war movie quite like this one. And while there are some that I like better such as Saving Private Ryan, Platoon, or even Glory for instance I still can't shake the haunting affect that this movie had on me. As Brad Pitt's Wardaddy leads a tank crew through Germany at the end of WWII you will be amazed. Pitt is amazing as always but the rest of the actors in this movie shine as well. Including Shia LeBeouf who I'm sure you've all thought has fallen off the face of the earth. Watching Logan Lerman's Character go from innocent to become a blunt instrument of war brings me back to my first year of college playing baseball at Seminole State. Which also made me want to call up all the gentlemen I played with at and around that time and let them all know, Playing ball with you, best job I ever had. 

10A. BEGIN AGAIN
Sometimes a movie comes along at just the right time and it can remind you of how wonderfully optimistic life can be.  And for me Begin Again is that movie.  A movie about a songwriter and a music producer creating a wonderful album using the great city of New York as their inspiration and their almost romance. This movie just hits me on so many levels for starters the music in it is just amazing. for seconds Mark Ruffalo is my hero and the chemistry between him and Keira Knightley is just wonderful.  And I have to say that Adam Levine playing a even doucheier version of himself is so damn funny to see. I think it's just a wonderful movie that will remind you that no matter how far you fall, it's never too late to Begin Again.

9. EDGE OF TOMORROW
I know that even as I write this one down there are so many of you Tom Cruise haters out there that can't even believe that this one made the list. Let me just say that your cynicism and dislike for Tome Cruise is causing you to miss out on some damn good movies. This being one of them. On the surface this movie is an Action/Sci-Fi movie but believe me it is so much more. Let me say that it is so much more because of how great an actor Tom Cruise is. I found myself cracking up so many times in this movie, a lot of that having to do with the wonderful Bill Paxton who steals the show. And it is action packed, but the drama of this movie is very hard hitting and so movie. Emily Blunt also shines, but really when doesn't she, and she is just wonderful opposite of Tom Cruise. I really just dare you to know like this movie.

8. CHEF
I'm not kidding when I say this, but this movie might just be the feel good movie of the year. It is actually between this movie and St. Vincent. I just love this movie on so many different levels. The first of course being that it is a father and son movie. If you know me at all, you know I'm a sucker for that because of how important my father is to me. Second, the food that they show in this movie is amazing. I just wanted more and more scenes of Jon Favreau's character just cooking great food. Then on top of all of that it is a road trip movie as well. It's almost as if the movie gods wrapped this one up in a bow and delivered it to me. This is just a really wonderful and funny movie. John Leguizamo is the perfect best friend character to Jon Favreau and there is this wacky hilarious scene with Robert Downey Jr. that makes me happier and happier every time I see this movie.

7. FOXCATCHER
Bennet Miller is becoming one of the most fascinating directors around if you ask me.  He really just knocked it out of the park with Moneyball, no pun intended. And then he comes back with Foxcatcher and just blows me away. The performances by the three LEADS in this movie is amazing.  I say that they are all leads because that is exactly what I believe.  I think that you will be hard pressed to find three better performances in any movie let alone all in the same movie this year.  Steve Carrell is almost unrecognizable as DuPont in this movie and his performance is chilling. I think that it is well documented my feelings about Mark Ruffalo and in this movie he once again he just blows my mind. And I want to take a minute to talk about Channing Tatum who was not nominated but just gives the best performance of his career. As he finds himself drawn in my Carrell's DuPont only to be thrown away when his brother Ruffalo shows up. The fact that this movie is a true story will blow your mind. Go see this movie right now.

6. NIGHTCRAWLER
Where do I even begin with this movie? I guess the only true way to start to talk about this film is to talk about what Jake Gyllenhaal and what a spectacular job he did in this film. I believe that this year Gyllenhaal not being nominated for his portrayal of a fringe character on the edge of society that will do anything to get ahead Lou Bloom was one of the biggest snubs of the Oscars.  I came into this movie expecting to see a great performance from Gyllenhaal but what I saw was nothing that I could have ever expected and that is in the best possible way. I believe that this movie depicts a very harsh and what I believe a very true look on what living the "American Dream" can really mean in this country.  I will venture to say that Lou Bloom isn't the only person in this country to do despicable things to get ahead.  And for anyone living out here in LA you will get a special kick out of the movie because it is an LA movie to its very bones from the opening titles all the way to the end credits.

"Technology"

Hello out there one and all.  I've decided to take today to talk about something that I think has been building up in me over the past 4 or 5 months.  Something that finally came to a head earlier this week and I just thought to myself if I don't say something about this then who the hell will.  I have decided to put this weight on my shoulders and I will be the spokesperson of this very important issue.

So my best friend Bryan and I often times get into a heated (and when I say heated I mean by the end of the conversation we are yelling at each other to get our points across) conversation about the place that technology has in today's society.  Now my friend Bryan, like the mindless drone that is still plugged into the Matrix that he is, seems to think that all the advances in "technology" are just oh so great and where would we be without them? Blah, blah, blah, blah.  I could go on but I think you all know where he is going with it and deep down I think you all know just how wrong he is and you just don't want to hear it anymore.  Instead you'd like to hear the voice of reason (ME) in this argument.  For those few out there that actually agree with him, it's okay, I get it.  But you're wrong, and I hate you, and you're dead to me forever. Or at least until you grow up and agree with me.

You may be wondering why I'm shaking my fist in the air to "technology", like the old man that runs out when kids are playing on his front yard.  You may be wondering if I'm talking about the ever growing invasion of privacy that "technology" seems to be inviting or the fact that we all seem to becoming more and more disconnected with one another because we are all so worried about being connected to this virtual reality that is nothing more than a front for what we all want our lives to really be.  And if you are thinking that let me just say that you are not wrong, but that is not what I am going to talk about today.

Today I'm talking about something much more important than that. Today I'm talking about a fundamental thing that should strike right at the core of who we all are as individuals and as a society as a whole. I know that you already know what I'm talking about, but I'm going to go ahead and say it anyway.  I'm of course talking about that dastardly company APPLE and their efforts to do away with the wonderful art of the Mixed CD. I have recently over the past few months learned this from several people that have newer APPLE laptops.  Apparently as a way to make their "technology" better APPLE has decided to get rid of the CD/DVD doc in their newer computers.  

Now I ask you all what kind of GODDAMN DEVIL WORSHIPPING, TERRORIST LOVING, BABY SEAL CLUBBING company would do such a thing?  One of the lost arts in our society as a whole today is the art of making a truly great mixed CD.  To be able to go to a store and buy a cheap pack of blank CDs, to go home and put together a wonderful 15 song playlist that helps with a break-up or feels like the summer.  And then send that CD to your friends to make them smile, or your family, or even a lover. I don't know where I'd be in my life if I wasn't able to do something like this that maybe brings a little bit of joy into people's lives that mean the world to me.

And as "technology" keeps pushing forward and CDs become obsolete this art form of always trying to find the perfect mix will slowly die off.  I can't go out and buy all my closest friends a damn IPOD every time I want to make them a new mix.  And soon slowly but surely the people that I am closest to will no longer be able to get these little pieces of me in the form of glorious mixed CDs.  I don't know about any of you but who the hell wants to live in a world like that?  That is not the kind of world I want to start and raise a family up in.  There a quite of few of my friends that already have kids and I just worry about the type of world that these kids are going to grow up in.  What is the next thing "technology" is going to take away from them?  Are they going to have to grow up in a world with no HIGH-FIVES?  Only LOW-FIVES from here on out.  You may think I'm joking, but DAMMIT!!!!! This is the way things go. And frankly I'm not ready to live in a world with no more MIXED CDS.  Do something right this year, and join the fight.


Automatic car washers are just another form of "technology" taking from us. Get out there and do it yourself, like this guy.

Happy MLK Day

On a day that is so important to me and should be to so many others I wanted to take just a moment to be thankful and thank all of those that came before me.  All of those that have struggled so that I might live the life that I have today free to do and be whomever that I want to be.  I want to thank Martin Luther King Jr. and all those that stood up so that I might be considered equal not only in the eyes of god but in the eyes of everyone in this country.

I also just want to take a brief moment to say one thing. One thing that has come to me over the last month. One thing that I believe is paramount to the happiness of myself and maybe even you if you are reading this.  I have recently decided that a life spent worrying and hanging around the middle hoping that things stay nice and smooth is not really a life worth living.  If you are going to do something, why not got balls out and do it all the way.  Bare your soul and be the best at it you can be.

Make a decision to be.  And in being be the best that you can be. Be the best friend that you can possibly be and go above and beyond anything that you can imagine.  Be the best teacher or dog walker or whatever you want to be in life.  But go all in.  Don't sit in the middle or be half in and half out.  It just doesn't work that way. Make a decision to put all your chips on the table.  Put them all on RED or all on BLACK and don't be afraid of what is going to happen when the wheel stops spinning. Because if when it does you find that you have lost it all it doesn't matter. As long as there is breath in your body and fight in your soul you can build it all back up and go again. It's never over in life, not as long as you're still standing.

So go and be bold. Find something or someone to love and go all in. make a decision to be happy and be your best self and never look back.

The Black American Male

As I sit in the library trying to do something that I love to do, write, I find that I can't sit still or concentrate for more than five seconds at a time.  I had known that this day was going to come for weeks and even months now, but there still isn't anything that really gets you prepared for it.  And believe you me, I know that it has been a while since I've gotten on here and the verdict of the Michael Brown case really wasn't how I wanted to return to all of you, but I just feel something creeping up inside me and if I hold it down for too long I'm afraid of what might really happen.

I really don't know what to say, or maybe I have a lot to say I just don't really want to say it.  Because as soon as I do I know that all of you will look at me differently.  I know that I'll be relegated to the role of the angry black man, and all of my life I've been told never to go there.  I've been told never to fall prey to that stereotype because in that stereotype that is when the worst case scenario can happen.  And I really don't want to get into the what really happened of it all, I just really want to say that I am disappointed and that I am very sad.  

I know it might sound crazy because I didn't know this young man who was killed and even if I would have met him there is a chance we would not be friend and I would not like him, but I feel a certain kinship with him.  It is the kinship that only another black male can really and truly feel in this country.  I'm talking about a kinship that comes from seeing women clutch their purses a little tighter when you step into an elevator with them.  Or the feeling you get when you walk into a party and everyone is clocking you nervous about what "kind" of black person you are until they meet you and you feel them breathe that sigh of relief.  I'm talking the kinship that only a young black male can know when your dad buys you your first car and within a month you get pulled over because, "that light was yellow when you were going through it and I'm pretty sure it was red before you got through so that's technically running a red light son." "Now, is this your car? Where did you get it from?  Are you sure it's not stolen? Do you have any warrant? You don't have to lie to me so if you have some warrants tell me know and I can go easier on you."  I wish these were just some lines that I made up or this was all just a joke, but these are the words I've heard from cops multiple times in my life.  Even though I've never been arrested, never been suspended from school, hell I've never even gotten a ticket in my entire life.  Well I've had a few parking tickets actually.

By all accounts I am an upstanding citizen and really just a good person but when a cop sees me all he can see is a suspect.  This is the realization of so many if not all Black American men in this country.  I can't be having a bad day if I'm speaking to a police officer.  I have to talk to them as if I was a 10 year old child getting ready to get scolded by his father.  No matter what he says or does I can't get upset.  I have to kiss his ass and hope to god that he doesn't think of me as a threat.  This is the life that Black American males live in this country.  And if you are reading this and you think that I'm full of shit, go ask your black friend about it.  Sit down and have a real conversation about this stuff.  I promise you they will tell you, and they will be all the more grateful to you for asking.

I think that it is a serious problem that as a citizen of this wonderful country that I have to be in constant fear and a completely self aware when it comes to police officers.   Some of you may wake up everyday afraid of being robbed  or raped or the victim of a heinous crime.  But I wake up thinking that at some point in my life my number is going to be pulled and I'm going to come face to face with a member of law enforcement and that person might kill me.  This may sound crazy to you but it's true.  As a Black male living in America I am afraid of the people who have sworn an oath to protect me.  Because I know that in this country the value of a Black male's life means next to nothing if you can't dribble a basketball, break tackles, or are funny in movies.  And I know that some people out there might think that I am being ridiculous and that I'm exaggerating my stance but I assure you I am not.  Too many times I have to turn on the news and see young Black men dead at the hands of law enforcement.  And too many times those Black men are unarmed.  

For all those that know me they know that I am about the most mild mannered person you will ever meet, and I genuinely want to get to know just about ever person I meet.  My nickname in college my freshman year was Cupcake for god's sake.  But I know that from the outside looking in that I am a 6'3 and a large man that can look imposing.  So maybe I do go out of my way to be friendly towards people and act in a mild manner because don't ever want there to be a situation where people are afraid of me.  And it makes me mad as hell, because why should I have to even be this way.  Why do I have to go out of my way to make people feel like I'm not a threat?

So Michael Brown was unarmed and he was shot and killed.  And there was no indictment.  So the cop was justified in shooting and unarmed man, and he was justified in waiting so long to call it in, and the police force of ferguson was justified in letting the body sit out in the street and rot for hours, and they are also justified in the age of technology where my 8 year old cousin has a phone with video capability in not having dash cameras on their cars.  The whole situation stinks to me, but I know we live in a country of due process and that process played itself out, but somehow it doesn't seem like justice was done.  And I'm sure months from now we will all have forgotten about this mess and moved on to the next scandal and Michael Brown will be nothing more than a statistic to all those outside of his family.  And I just can't help thinking who will be the next Michael Brown?  Who will be the next Unarmed Black Male to die at the hands of a cop?  Will it be me?

Right now at this very moment, to quote a wonderful movie Network, I'M MAD AS HELL, AND I'M NOT GOING TO TAKE THIS ANYMORE!  But we all know that's not true.  I'm going to continue to live my life in the right way that I've been taught my whole life and just hope to god that I'm number never gets pulled and that it's not my parents at the center of all of this because I was shot down.  

The first step to solving a problem is to admitting that there is one.  And there is a big problem in this country and I'm tired of hearing people say that because there is a black president there can't be racism or prejudice, that in and of itself is a problem.  The problem is that in this country white people do not trust black people, and black people do not trust white people.  I know that there are a thousand ways to argue against this and people reading this might completely disagree with me and that is fine.  You are wrong, but it is your right.  And until we acknowledge this and I mean really acknowledge this and go out of our ways to talk about it, and I mean talk about it in ways that make everybody talking uncomfortable we will never be able to solve it.  If you are out there and you took the time to read this and think about it, thank you.  And if you want to talk about any of it with me please please do.

A Love Letter to BASEBALL & DEREK JETER

   So I just finished watching the last game DEREK JETER will ever play at yankee stadium.  And I am still in tears.  And yes it is true that I cry a lot but how can you know be in tears after a performance like the one that I just saw.  After 20 years of excellence and doing it all his way DEREK JETER got a walk off single shooting the ball the other way like he has done so many times in his career.  This man has been a special player.  A player for the ages in any age.  I have been on record saying that he is the greatest Yankee in the history of this storied organization and I will never back down from that statement.  

   But this blog isn't about that.  It's about something else entirely.  I want to write about BASEBALL and what it means to me.  I've actually tried to write this blog 3 times this week, but every time I start I can't seem to keep a thought in my head and I go in every different direction trying to some it all up.  JETER, baseball, life.... There really isn't even words or time to express what they all mean but I'm going to do my best and try right now.

   Simply put, BASEBALL is the best thing that has ever happened to me.  I can say that and mean in 100 percent.  

   I have never been nor really will I ever be the most confident guy in the room. I mean I've been in the room with the most confident guy in the room so I know what it looks like, but that guy is definitely not me. Now over the years I've learned how to fake it, but there has always been one place where I didn't have to fake it and that was on the baseball field.  I'll tell you what, it's the best feeling in the world.  To be able to lace them up everyday and know that you have a group of guys counting on you and you're not going to let them down.  

   The day I knew I could no longer cut it and decided to hang up my cleats was one of the saddest days of my life.  It was an inter-squad scrimmage at OU.  I was one of the pitchers that was going to pitch that day.  I knew before I stepped out of the mound that it was going to be the last time I ever did so.  My arm had been hurting me a lot lately and I just didn't have the stuff to keep up with everyone else anymore.  I just wasn't good enough.  My dad came and watched me and so did my best friend Bryan.  I can't remember if I pitched Two or Three innings that day.  I do remember I lost a little bit in the last inning, but I didn't give up a run.  And I remember when I was done, I knew I was done.  

   And the game went on, like it has for a hundred years and like it will for a hundred more.  Because the game always goes on weather you're Brandon Ponder or DEREK JETER.  I remember falling into a great depression when I was done playing and feeling so incredibly lost.  The thing that I had done the longest in my life was gone and I had no idea who I was without it.  But I got over it like all of us ex ball players do.  Not really getting over it at all just finding things to occupy our time until the next spring comes around, and then the next spring, and the next one.  Until somewhere down the round it doesn't quite hurt as much.

   And I find myself today loving baseball maybe even more than I have in my entire life.  This game is magical.  It is America's game.  I have had great loves in my life, and both of the have ended poorly.  The girl who I will not name completely destroyed me, but that is nothing compared to what the other love of my life did to me, BASEBALL.  But that love is an undying love that will stand the test of time.  

   I repeat baseball is the best thing that ever happened to me.  It gave me memories with my father that I will cherish for the rest of my life.  It gave me friendships that are more like a brotherhood that will never be broken.  It gave me a toughness that can never been taken by anyone, a will to know that I can run through a wall if need be.  It gave me a romantic heart that beats stronger every day that I am walking this great earth.  It gave me a place in the universal when I felt completely out of place.

   And you may be reading this and think that the guy writing it is completely bat shit crazy and maybe I am.  But I'm pushing 30 years old and I have loved baseball since I was about 5 years old.  That is 25 years for all of you out there counting.  So if you are reading this ask yourself if there is anything in your life still that you have loved since you were 5 years old?  And then ask yourself how can you not be romantic about baseball?

Bryan, Brad, Clayton, Ricky, Nick, Mike, Church, Alyssa, Alan, Cory, Cody, Justin, Cavner, Case, Bill, Don, Randall, Bradon, Tiger, Giblet, Timmy, Jimmy, Chuckie, John, Amy, Kelli, Brynn, Brittani, Cooper, Bo, Newman, JoJo, Hurley, Jenny, Coleen, Kyla, Mike, Miller, and so many so many more. These are just some of the people that baseball has put in my life.  Baseball is the best thing that ever happened to me, and I owe everything in my life to it.  So on a night like tonight when I get to see DEREK JETER play his last home game at Yankee Stadium and get a walk off single.  I know that life is pretty good.

BOYHOOD!!!!

By:  Brandon K. Ponder


It's been a long time.  I shouldn't of left you.  Without some dope words to step to.  Step to.  Step to.  And in comes Alyiah with that magical voice.  Well maybe not.  I hope if you are reading this you get that little delicious 90's reference I just dropped all over you.  Now for those of you that are in no mood to take the all that is me in any given blog, well I suggest you stop reading because today I feel like I actually might have something to say.  And you all know that I can make of mess of something like that.

So today I watched a movie.  Which I guess that is not the most groundbreaking news when it comes to me, but man did I ever see a MOVIE today.  If you've read this in the past or you have talked to me before in any kind of detail then you know that Richard Linklater is pretty much my favorite director out there.  Now you might be saying to yourself, "But Ponder, you have some many favorite directors/writers/movies, how the hell am I to keep up?" Fair enough, but really this guy makes movies that I am just in ahhhh of and the kind of movies that I want to make.  And his latest movie BOYHOOD is no different.

I remember when I first saw the trailer for this movie.....

.... I normally don't do that but I can't leave that trailer for the end of this.  I need people, if people even do read this to watch this right away, because for me this movie has been the movie of the year, and quite frankly I do believe that it is a masterpiece.  So I would like as many people to see it as possible.  Or maybe I don't so that I can feel like I found something special and the rest of you idiots out there have no taste in cinema.  

I had been waiting for this movie for over a year now and let me tell you that it delivered on every note that it possibly could and maybe even more.  The movie about a boy growing up in Texas dealing with life and the aftermath of his parents divorce for some strange reason hit a little closer to home than I ever thought that it would. (I can be a little slow sometimes)  Even though my life happened in such a different way than the kid in this movie I can't help but feel so close to this character.  There were scenes in this movie that I literally felt like I was taking a punch right in the gut while watching it.  

And like I said I've had such a different experience but in a way so much the same.  I watched this movie and I realized something that I guess I have always known or realized for such a long time.  My parents divorce has effected me in so many ways that it is really hard to put into words.  

Now let me just note that I'm not going to talk about how my parent screwed me up or I blame them for all my shortcoming, no that was probably the Brandon from 3 or 4 years ago.  I mean life happens and my parents got divorced.  I think they did a pretty good job and I seem to have turned out okay.  But I do feel that in the back of my head I will always be screwed when it comes to relationships. 

Not that I'm this dating dynamo anyways, but there is this thing that seems to always be there.  And that thing that I am talking about is this...  My DAD has and will always be my HERO.  And I think I will be forever 12 years old pitching to him in the backyard working on throwing strikes.  And my MOM, well she's just the greatest woman and for the record possibly the greatest person I've ever known.  And if my hero and the greatest person I known can't make it work?  Well then let's face it I'm pretty much a lost cause.

And quite frankly I am always secretly routing for my parents to get back together.  I remember like a month ago, I lied to my Mom.  And not like a white lie, but a she asked me a question but I thought the truth might hurt her feelings or something so I purposely lied to her.  I remember all of this because I haven't purposely lied to my mom in I don't even know how long, and I remember after hanging up the phone with her it hurt a little bit.

But before I get to the lie, let me just tell you how I got to the lie.  So I have a sister.  I love my sister very dearly, but my sister is not someone you can tell things to.  Or if you tell her something you have to say Tiffany don't tell anyone I said this, and then really it's still about 50/50.  Why do I always forget this? I'll never know.  

So we were talking and I thought we were in the cone of secrets and I told her that I think that deep down in my heart I think that mom and dad will someday get back together.  Because what can I say, I don't think I can live in a world where I don't think there is a chance for my parents, even after all these years.  So of course since I told my sister, it is only natural to assume that she opened her big mouth and told our mother this, because well, my sister has a big mouth.  

So now imagine my surprise when I call my mom on the way to work yet another 15 hour day just to say hi because I haven't talked to her in a while and she says, "Brandon, do you think that me and your dad are going to get back together?  Because your sister seems to think so." Now of course I think so, because what can I say, I'm a hopeless romantic and who doesn't want their parents to be together.  But I'm on my way to work and I don't want to get into it, and more importantly I don't want to hear my mom say that there is never going to be a chance that her and my dad get back together, so I lied to my mother.

Now I have no idea why I just told you that story but somehow I felt that it was relevant.  I just had this experience while watching this movie and I started to wonder about all the things that my parents might have given up.  I'm getting to do all the things that I want to do, but I worry that maybe they haven't done what they've wanted on the count of me.  I mean neither one of them have remarried.  

Not to say that there haven't been people in their lives.  I mean jesus my dad has brought quite the line-up by in my life, from women that have bought me socks, to women that were only like 4 or 5 years older than me, to whoever.  And the number of arcades I went to when I was younger because my mom was dating some guy that was trying to impress me, and my mom knew I liked videogames.  

I guess I'm just trying to say how much this movie meant to me. Because as a sometimes introverted guy who often times has a pretty pessimistic view on life that is always in the background watching things, this movie really really hit home.  I really want people to see this movie, and also I really want my parents to be has happy as they want to be.  I know the second sounds weird but it's the honest truth.

  

I'll Give it a YEAR!

Tonight I am dog tired.  I've been up on my feet all day, and after a long day of working I drove a co-worker home and it probably took me an hour longer to get home than it normally would have.  And tomorrow I have to do it all over again.  I know if you are reading this you can't see me, but if you could you would probably be wondering why the hell does this guy have such a big smile on his face?  

It is because on a night like tonight I feel damn near untouchable.  And that my friends in not a feeling I am or ever have been use to feeling.  I think that it is nothing but the best of signs that on my second day of filming a nickelodeon kids show were I get to work with one of my very best friends in the whole world I will have made it ONE YEAR in L.A.  It really is a dream come true.  I'm so happy I want to cry and for those of you that know me might actually think that I am even though I'm not.

Today Me and Cooper got to joke around about some of the craziest things that happened in the course of this day and I was working on a studio lot with John C. Reilly.  This is something that I never really thought could happen, but I was there and it did.  I really want to be writing coherent thoughts right now, but my mind seems to be going ever which way right now.  So let me just start from the beginning.

Four years ago, I had no idea I would be in the place that I am today.  And three years ago I was on the verge of giving up.  And I'm not exaggerating, I had almost completely given up on myself and on life in general.  I thought that I wasn't a person that good things were going to happen to.  I put myself in a prison of my own doing and I was locked in there and I was dying.  

Which brings me to my movie reference.  I love The Shawshank Redemption.  If you have known me for any amount of time then you will know that one of my favorite quotes is "Get busy livin' or get busy dyin'".  There is something about it so true and honest that it just gets me every time.  For those of you that haven't seen the movie, let me be the first to say, "Go jump off a bridge."  I mean really just right off the tallest one you can find.  

This movie is about prison and about hope and the human spirit.  And even though it takes place in a physical prison there is something to be said about the way that we all sometimes hold ourselves hostage in a prison of our own doing.  My prison has been and forever will be self-doubt.  And there is something to be said about never giving up hope and lasting just long enough to break yourself out of that prison.  

When me and my dad jumped into my car with all of my worldly belonging and headed on our journey across country, that was me crawling through my 4 football fields of shit and coming out clean on the other side was L.A.  I've gotten the chance to see and do things that I never would have imagined and every single day this city blows my mind in some ways.  

But that is not to say that this has all been some easy fairy tale, because really it has been far from it.  I've struggled and I've had to move and I've doubted myself and I've spent some sleepless nights up worrying since I've been here.  And I've missed my friend and family like crazy.  This has been one of the hardest years of my life.  And I'm so thankful for every second of it.

I didn't know if I had "IT" in me.  I didn't know if I had that thing that would push through anything and that I could make it anywhere.  I've been held up so much by my family and my friends I didn't know if I could make it out here on my own.  But I did it.  In a city that can be very unforgiving and can be very isolating at times.  And honestly I feel like because of it I can do anything in life, and I'm not really worried about the next step or if I'm going to be okay, because I already am.

I had built up a million reasons to stay in Oklahoma and why it wasn't a good idea for me to come out here, but I'm so glad that I finally stepped up grew a pair and came out here.  Somebody shared a Jim Carrey speech with me on Facebook and hearing him talk felt like looking into a mirror.  He said and I am paraphrasing, "You can fail at something you don't want, so you might as well take a chance at something you love."  I think there have been no truer words spoken and I'm glad I took a chance on something that I love.

I don't know yet where my life is going to take me.  I've been to some interesting places along the way so far, but the future is wide open.  And just tonight somebody text me and without even knowing made me remember..."There is a tide in the affairs of men. Which, taken at the flood, leads on to fortune; Omitted all the voyage of their life is bound in shallows and miseries. On such a full sea are we now afloat. And we must take the current when it serves, or lose the ventures before us."

I'm proud of myself as a man for one of the first times in my life, and I believe that my father is genuinely proud of me as a man as well.  I remember once he said something to me that always stuck.  He said the only thing that comes to a sleeper is a dream.  Just another nugget of wisdom from the mouth of Chris Ponder.  And I think he is 100 percent correct, but I'm here tonight telling all of you guys that the life that you want.  The life that you are struggling to find or the one you think is out of reach.  It's not, it is right there for you.  You just have to WAKE UP AND GO GET IT.

P.S.  For all of those that believe in me when I didn't believe in myself(and you all know who you are) I don't have much to give and maybe I never will, but all that I have and all that I ever will have and especially this year is for YOU.