Cloud Atlas

This weekend I went to the movies. I know surprise, surprise. For those of you that know me, I mean really know me you'll know that this is pretty much my weekend schedule.  Get off work on Friday, go to the liquor store, maybe get a bottle of SoCo, or maybe just some imported beers go home fire up the netflix queue and watch something that I've never seen before.  Bicycle Thief, Chinatown, Pycho, Shakespeare in Love for the tenth time. And that's just Friday by the way.

This time of year happens to be my favorite, because it's oscar season.  It's the time of the year when all the great movies start rolling out and all the theaters here in Oklahoma become increasingly empty, so not only do I get to see great movies I get to see them in a theater all by my lonesome.  Now I know to most of you out there that sounds incredibly weird, but for me that's the closest thing the therapy I'll ever need.  And what was my form of therapy this last weekend? What movie do you all get to hear me go on and on about?  That movie was none other than Cloud Atlas.

It has taken me a few days to even really begin to talk about this movie, because really it has a lot of big ideas and it is quite complex, but not at all in a bad way.  If there were more filmmakers taking risks like this and making these types of movies, well maybe movies wouldn't be becoming more and more of the extinct nature. I mean almost every single time I walk into a theater I am blown away by somebody else's vision.  

The sad thing about a movie like Cloud Atlas is that even though there really are all these basic concepts and stories going on throughout the story itself seems so complex and overwhelming that people just won't go out there and see it. And really that's just a shame.  It really is to bad that we live in a world where people literally need to be slapped in the face with and idea to understand it and want to see it.  I mean if the movie was named Chase scenes and Car explosions I'm sure everyone would want to go see it.  Or if Channing Tatum took his shirt off in the preview perhaps. 

The thing that is great about this movie for me is that it's this epic movie with so much basic human sentiment throughout.  I have been know to be a big fan of those human emotional moments.  This movie is exciting, it's funny, it's action packed, it's personal, it's sweet, it's daring, it's thoughtful, it's insightful, all rolled into one and does it ever pack a punch.  

I am almost certain that come oscar time this movie will be nominated for all sorts of technical awards, from make-up, to special effects, to editing, and even score which for me was so very beautiful it was one of my favorite parts about the whole movie. But let me tell you that the acting in this movie is top notch and should not go unnoticed.  I mean Tom Hanks is in it so really that is just a no brainer as far as I'm concerned, I mean this man makes a living out of being anybody that you need him to be. I believe him 100 percent in every single role that he has ever played in, and it this movie like all the other actors within the movie he plays so many roles.

With movies like this sometimes I will admit that they can be a little heavy handed and they can bog you down with so many ideas that can be so heavy for you to think about that by the time the movie is over you just leave the theater with a headache.  Movies like The Fountain, or Tree of Life, or even The Master which I saw this year automatically come to mind.  Don't get me wrong, because I personally love all there of the movies that I just mentioned, and I think that they are all Masterpieces in their own right. But I will also admit that right off the bat among first viewing of them all I didn't quite get them, they were all made by much smarter men than me.

Cloud Atlas is not like that at all, sure it's complex and you have to pay attention to what you are watching, but there is so much humor and lightheartedness in this movie that it isn't very hard to do so.  You don't feel as if you are getting hit over the head with all these big ideas at all.  Quite frankly it wasn't until after the movie was over with that all of the complexity of the movie came back to me and made me think for a little while. I must say that I absolutely loved it and that I think that everyone should go out and see it.  So instead of going out this weekend and watching Paranormal Activity 4 or watching Alex Cross go out and watch Cloud Atlas, it is a can't miss I promise you, and if it does miss for you Bite Me!

Polititcal Post

"To find something, anything, a great truth or a lost pair of glasses, you must first believe there would be some advantage in finding it. I found something a long time ago, and have held on to it for grim death ever since. I owe my success in life to it; it put me where I am today. This principle: What you don't know, won;t hurt you. They called it idealism in a book I read." 

   These are the opening lines to a movie that I rather enjoy. Although it was somewhat panned by critics when it came out, I say F*%# them and watch it anyway.  And in honor of tomorrow election I decided to watch it tonight.  It's call ALL THE KING'S MEN.  Granted the things in the movie have nothing to do with the election that is going on tomorrow, but I recommend it all the same.  

   I'll tell you right now I am the last person that will ever get political on people, and I love the stuff.  I love talking about politics and listening to people talk about politics, hell I love arguing about politics.  But with all that said I rarely ever get into any of these confrontation that I use to get into in my formative years.  I know that not everyone is political minded and most people these days it just seems like they don't even care. And I start to say to myself today that I respect that. I say to myself, "Hey, that's their right. They don't want to care about politics, they don't want to vote more power to them." 

   It is at this exact point that I begin to get a upset with myself.  I know for a fact that I have become complacent.  I use to have this fire burning in my, and not just about politics, about all sorts of things, but it feels like at some point I just let my own fire burn out.  But not anymore. It is not okay to not be political, it is not okay to not vote.  My entire generation is nothing more that a bunch of money grubbing, self involved, assholes.  I mean year after year I have to listen to analyst talk about how younger people DON'T get out and vote and how they can't be counted on to.  And I want to think that isn't true, but I know that it is.  And why is that the case.

   We just don't care. Even though it does effect us, we all think that it doesn't effect us.  I had a thought today when I was listening to yet another twenty something that I know tell me that they aren't registered to vote, and how they don't see how it matters one way or another.  The thought that came to me is a thought that comes to me often these days.  And maybe it's just because I'm getting older but it is something that always seems the clear up those gray areas that seem to come about from time to time.  And that thought that I am talking about is what would my grandfather think? 

   Most of the time that single thought scares the shit out of me. And it is that thought that brings me to my point.  My whole god damned generation hasn't had to fight for a damn thing.  I mean really fight and struggle for something.  There was a time in this country when a person with my skin color wouldn't be allowed to vote, a time when a person of my skin color wasn't even thought of as a person at all. There was a time when women couldn't be allowed to vote. And my grandfather lived in this time period, and he struggled through this time period, so how in the hell could I look at myself in the mirror with good conscience and not vote, and not care about the political process.

   I know that at this moment I am up on my soap box and there are those of you out there that are going to read this and not give two shits about it, but really and honestly I just hope that's not the case. Because all of this does matter. It matters a great deal to the people that have come before us and really and honestly even if you don't know it right now, it matters to those that will come long after us. I think I'm done now, I'm sorry if this was a waste of your time, but I really and truly hope that it wasn't.  

   But I guess I'll leave you with this last little bit from the All The King's Men, you're welcome Coop,  "If you don't vote, you don't matter!"

Take a Walk

  So this weekend was a big weekend for me. I went on a little bit of an adventure and I went and visited my sister. The thing about this little trip is that it was something that I absolutely needed... You know when you've just been kind of hitting your head against a brick wall, and you just need a breath of fresh air to get some perspective back.  Well that's what this weekend has given to me.  And seriously thank god for sisters like mine.  

  Anybody that knows me or that has talked to me in the last five years knows that Chicago is one of my absolute favorite cities, and on this special occasion I got to see the town in a whole other light.  And believe me there is nothing quite like sitting on the balcony of a high rise drinking a beer and just watching and observing the city.  Watching the cars drive by and watching all the people walking this way and that. Each of them living their own separate lives, each of them with their own unique story to tell. They are all the heroes of their own stories.  

  I got to walk around a major city in the rain and let me just tell you all for the record there is just nothing like it. And yes I know that I have this infatuation with romanticism and I fancy myself as one of the last great romantics, but god was it great. I mean the rain is coming down, but it doesn't even matter, the city doesn't just shut down, people are still on the go doing whatever it is that they have planned, and I just get to take it all in.  The people scurrying about, the horns of the cab drivers blaring out as they speed down the street, bums packing up their stuff trying to find a dry spot away from the rain. I promise you there is nothing quite like it.

  I find myself here at 230 in the morning writing this hoping that the feelings and the inspiration that I have right now never ends. I almost don't want to wake up tomorrow because I know I'm going to have to go to the airport and come home, and I'm really just not ready for all that. I want to walk around this city some more, I want to go and see more art, I want to be one face in a sea of millions of people but feel as if I totally stand out.

  So tonight I'm asking each and everyone of you that reads this, the next time you get the chance, TAKE A WALK. I know that my core audience is in Oklahoma and that's okay. Go downtown and just walk around the buildings. Look around at all that is going on and all the beauty that is around you. And while you're walking take a little time for yourself and think about anything and everything. And after you've spent enough time contemplating the mysteries of the universe remember this..... Remember just how lucky you are to be alive and living that very day, remember that that day is the greatest day of your life, and no matter what is happening or what will happen it will be okay. Because we are all infinite, and our lives no matter how big or small transcend time and space.

I Should have Left You!

It feels very weird being back on here writing to all of you.  You know how you are, the very few that ever really followed this thing. The very few that I feel like I kind of let down. I want to say sorry, I shouldn't have just left you. Not like I did.  I won't lie to you it really has been a rough year for me, with this overwhelming crisis of who I am. Which I'm pretty sure most people spend there whole lives trying to figure that one out.  I know I will, because even as I'm evolving into the person that i am now I know for a fact that it will change.

It took a long time and with some peoples help I have finally jumped back onto the path that I feel I need to be on physically, emotionally, and spiritually. It feels pretty good. I was at a friends house this week watching football, and he asked why I stop doing my blog. It really wasn't the biggest of deals, but when I left that night and all the next day I thought about it. To be honest I had no idea that he even read it. And it got me to thinking about a lot of things.

We all of us as people are so much more than we think ourselves to be. There are times this past year when I have felt really small, for lots of reasons and no reason at all. But hearing my friend as me why I stopped writing my blog made me feel so much more alive and special than I have felt really in the past year. I know it sounds crazy, but it did, I mean I told him that I didn't know why I had stopped writing but I knew, I knew exactly why I had stopped.

I had given up. I had given up on the possibility that I could make my dreams come true, and I had given up on the person that I thought I could be. It's sad really but I know that sometimes in life we give up on ourselves. Sometimes it's because things get hard, or maybe things seem impossible, or maybe you've fallen into a funk and you just stop believing that good things can happen to you.  I'm here to tell you today that it's just not true. I believe that good things are happening to us everyday, we just don't take the time to stop and realize it.

I believe that above all things that I've done thus far in life the thing that I have done the best are my friends. And there is something to be said for that. The people that you choose to have around you in your life can lift you up to places you never thought possible. I won't go into detail of all the people that have been there helping me, but you all know who you are and if any of you are reading this, thank you and I love you. I won't lose sight again.

Now that all of that is done I've going to be really quick about this. If you read this far I'm going to ask you all to do something for me. You may not know this right now, but by doing something for me, you are actually going to be doing something for yourself.  Go out as soon as you can and see The Perks of Being a Wallflower. 

If you have ever read any of my stuff before you know that when I start talking about a movie I can tend to go on and on and on, so with that said, I'm not going to do that tonight. I'm simple going to say that this movie is what it's all about. It takes you through so many different emotions and there is just so much heart in there. I loved every second of it, and I'm not ashamed to say that I teared up a few times in it. It's that good folks, it was one of the best times I've had at the movies this year, and lets face it, that's saying something because I go to a lot of movies. So thank you for reading this, and don't worry there will be more to come, I promise.

Here is the trailer for those of you that don't know what this movie is about.

Talent Show

Hello there everybody. It's a wonderful 104 degrees here in Oklahoma. It was so hot that me and my sister just spent an hour out finding a place to get a snow cone. Well we found one, I give the snow cone a B- but that's not why am writing this. But I will say that a healthy part of any person's summer should be used finding a place to get the perfect snow cone.

Now on to more important business. I was at a bar about a month ago, I know what you're thinking out there, you're always at a bar. And to that I say nay and bite me.

So back to my story, I'm at a bar and I'm watching these people sing karaoke which was pretty bad, which made it pretty awesome, and out of nowhere I had this memory flash, I'm mean it just came in this wave and hit me right in the face. It really was quite overwhelming at the time, and I know almost immediately that I wanted to write about it. So I took out my phone and put it in the note section so that the next day or whenever I stumbled upon it I would remember that I needed to write about this. So the story that I wanted to tell you goes a little like this....

It was my Sixth Grade year at Sooner Rose Elementary, suck it all of those that read this and went somewhere else. And suck it all those who don't read it. So it was my sixth grade year and we all know how important that year is the year that sets you on the path to what you're going to be for the rest of your life. Now contrary to popular belief I was not always this confident manly man full of sexual magnetism, no at one point in my life I was this very shy very to himself kind of guy.

Now the one thing that I never did, the one thing that I just didn't have the guts to do the whole time that I was in grade school was preform in the talent show. I just didn't have it in me to get in front of a crowd and preform. Now look at me, I've been naked god knows how many times at a party, If you're reading this you probably already know what I'm talking about.

So we were having a talent show and I decided that this was the year that I was going to be in it. And for my great talent I was going to rap a sound from the ever popular Space Jam soundtrack, and the song was a rap that Bugs Bunny did. Probably the most ridiculous song ever but if I don't still love it I would be lying to you.

So I'm going to perform this song, and just when I'm about to go on I almost completely freeze like I figured that I would, but It was something that I always wanted to do, so this was my last chance. So I get up there and I do my thang, just doin' my thang. And as I'm on the stage I see a group of my friends come down to the front and start cheering me on. And I get through the entire song and man did I feel like a rock star. I had finally performed in a talent show, and all my friends come down to cheer me on, I have finally arrived.

So fast forward until maybe the summer or so I'm out with my best friend Brad and we are talking about old times and shooting the ship and all that jazz and somehow the talent show comes up, and I just go on and on about how good I was and how everybody was down there cheering me on when leave it to Brad to totally bust my bubble.....

"Are you kidding me bro? You were terrible, Kerri just had us all go up to the front and cheer you on because you were bombing." Well he said something to that effect, and let me tell you if I wasn't black I'm sure my face would have been completely bright red. Now, I'm the kind of guy that has tripped and fell and embarrassed myself in every way imaginable but right then and there was one of those moments above all the others that I wish I could take back.

So now that I'm all these many years older and none the wiser I have come to a very really and somewhat disturbing conclusion. A. I have and have always had some of the greatest friends a guy could probably ever ask for. B. Man my friends are really full of shit. I mean is it so great to make a guy feel like he's really doing something when he really sucks. I mean come on there is something to be said for letting a guy fail miserably and then picking himself back up. Believe me I know.

I don't know why I told you all of this, it really is pretty insignificant when it all comes down to it. But for some reason it all came rushing back to me, and you know I thought it all was pretty funny. Me rapping to the Space Jam soundtrack, one of my top 10 memories.

The Art of Nostalgia

So yesterday after a long but really great fourth of July I passed out, and I do mean passed out. I'm talking ready to walk out the door to another cook out fully dressed and then waking up like what in the world just happened. And of course after all that I could not for the life of me get back to sleep and so what do I do when I can't sleep? I contemplate the vas-ness of the universe. And on this particular night, after thinking about the movie MIDNIGHT IN PARIS(I recommend that you see it, but it is a movie more for the grown up in you not the kid.) and I just couldn't help but start to think about NOSTALGIA.

I mean in the movie Owen Wilson's character is nostalgic about living in a time other than the present, that time being the 1920's in Paris. And for good reason I mean F. Scott Fitzgerald, Hemingway, Picasso, Gertrude Stein wow, what a time to be alive right? Well maybe not for you but if I had the chance to be around that bunch I really have no words.

So then I began to think about what time am I nostalgic for? And as I thought about it Randall Pink came to mind because it definitely would not be high school(if these are the best days of my life, remind me to kill myself.) but the more I thought about it the harder it really was for me. And that kind of upset me. Because I know in my heart that I would love to live in so many eras.

I mean besides my current situation, which I happen to think pretty much sucks there just isn't anything that interests me about this era that we are living in outside of my friends and family. I almost have this feeling that we might be living in the Forgotten Age. I mean there seems to be nothing great coming out of this portion of our history and nobody really even cares about it. I mean really to the best of my knowledge the thing that will be best known from this Era is social networking, and I don't really think that is the best thing.

What happened to us? I mean really what happened, we put a man on the moon for god's sake? Why is it that nobody cares that we aren't doing anything more meaningful in this "golden age" we seem to be living in. 50 or 60 years ago this country struggle so terribly with civil rights and people stood up and did something about it, and now we live in a time to see the first black president, but it really doesn't mean that much to people, at least it doesn't feel like it.

I mean I could totally be off base but I don't think that I am. I heard the other day that the NASA program is about to implode because of the state of the economy. And in the moment I just felt depressed. We have become a nation or a people that only cares about money. And it seems like we only want money just so we can have it. We don't want it to have power or influence, to affect change. We just want it so that we can have things, and more things than the guy that lives down the street.

What are we going to leave behind. Social networks, the twilight and harry potter series, and Michael Bay films. I'm not saying that any of these are just the worse things in the world, but where as one Era of people brought us the great pyramids, or the works of Shakespeare, or even people landing on the moon. These are the things we have?

I am Nostalgic for a place in history where things matter and people really cared about the mark they were going to live on this world. That it wasn't even to just make a lot of money, it was more important to be true to yourself, it was more important to be extraordinary. When is that time going to happen again?

One Book

What in the world is this feeling that I am feeling right now. I woke up this morning and for what felt like no reason at all I felt very very sad. And sure this week has been a complete roller coaster for me, full of realization of just exactly who some people are in my life. There has also been quiet a bit of disappointment and a since of overwhelming weight that feels as if it is on top of me. There are those of you out there that probably had no idea about any of this and that my friend is very good, because it is not in me to burden anybody else with what I am feeling at any particular time. I feel the way that I do and really it is my problem, I never want to become other people's problem. But anyway, that's not what this is about, not at all actually. That feeling that I had when I woke up had nothing to do with me at all and more to do with a book that I just recently read.

I needed to read a book. Early last week I felt myself slipping into the abyss and I tried to go out and get a book that might very well be able to pull me out of that void. Now let me just say that when I first got into the book it had a bit of the opposite effect on me. As I read I felt even more isolated and I started to realize just how far into the rabbit hole I had gone. Because the character that I felt the closet to in the book was the failed comedian who is madly in love with the main character only to realize that she never really loved him anyway. He is nothing more than a substitute person. And unfortunately I felt very much like that, well maybe it's not unfortunate, I mean I guess someone has to feel like that.

Anyway, this book that I was reading is called, ONE DAY, and wow, what a great book. I mean something really great that I think everybody should read. You might be wondering why in fact I decided to read this book, and the reason for that is much like most things in my life, there is a movie based on the book coming out in one month and I had this urge to see what it was all about, because quiet frankly the story just seemed to fascinating for me not to. And the reason that I felt so bad this morning was at the fact that I'm not going to be reading about these characters anymore, and after reading about all the trials that these characters went through it almost feels as if these characters are a part of me.

I don't know I think that it's important to know things like this, that it's important to realize that at this point in my life 26, that one book, one movie, one person can change my life. Or at least change my perspective on things. Anyway, this probably feels a bit like rambling so if you don't read any of this, I completely understand.