Your Daily Dose

I had a thought just know, and me being the person that I am I just had to get on here and share it with everybody, and by everybody I mean the one or to poor pathetic souls that actually indulge me and read this... By the way, thank you. But the thought that I had in my head was this, whatever you're doing at this very minute, stop. Stop whatever it is that you are doing in your life right now at this second and take a deep breath... Have you done it yet? Now put in a good movie or a television series that you love to watch and watch it. Get lost in the reality of some make believe people for an hour or two. It will give you the time that you might need to re-adjust, or it will just give you an hour or two of entertainment. Believe me you need it. You need to stop every once in a while and breath, because the things that you think are so unbelievably important right now, may not be after watching Chasing Amy, or Good Will Hunting, or You Don't Mess with the Zohan. So that is my wonderful advice for today. I hope that you take it.

Wonder what the world with think of me?

When I'm dead, I wonder what the world will think of me? This is a question that troubles me most of the days of my life. And like most of the days this very day that question has been on my brain. I wonder what they will say when I'm gone. If anybody will say anything or if time will pass over me like dust in the wind. It kind of seems like a stupid thing to think about but to some extent that is all that I ever think about. I mean with so many people out there doing so many different things that mean so much to the world and to so many people, where exactly do I fit in? Or do I really even fit in? Or will I just become another former hippie current yuppie spoon feeding the masses the same old shit that everyone else has been. Will I become that person that had a great idea once but gave it all up because hey this is life I have to sacrifice that to have to picketed fence and the two car garage with the wife and kids living the life that someone else always wanted. Because I was too afraid to ever be anything other than ordinary.

But even so, do I actually even have a great idea in me, or is this all just bullshit that I am talking for no apparent reason. I think that just might be the case some days, but then other days I seem to be totally inspired by everything. I wonder if there will been even one person that feels about me the way that I feel about George Lucas or Kurt Vonnegut or Jackie Robinson when I die. Will I even leave a mark? Because if not what the hell was I put on this earth for anyway. I watched a movie once, and the hero in the movie said, "What man is a man that does not make the world better." I thought about the quote, and I think about it almost everyday. Because as it stands I don't know if I'm doing a damn bit of anything to make this world better, as a matter of fact I know that I'm not. And I struggle with that, because when I leave I want to have done something, anything to make this a better place.

I hope that I can. I hope that some day the enormity of everything that I have given or have tried to give all hits me, and I feel content with what I have done. I hope that at the end of this journey I'm not sitting around saying what if or that I should have done things differently. I realize that when it is all said and done I will probably look back and think to some extent I could have done this differently or maybe even that, but if that is the case I want to be completely used up. I want to be so used up that even if I wished that I could have done things differently I won't be able to because I have given everything that I have. Anyway, who am I really to have any of these thoughts. I'm an afterthought, I'm that funny story about that guy you knew in your twenties, I'm nobody...yet

New Years Resolution

It's that time of the year again boys and girls. Yes it is the new year and with it comes all sorts of empty and shallow promises on how this year is going to be so much different from the last, and then inevitably we end up right back here where we started from doing the same thing. But I guess that's kind of the great thing about the whole tradition. Because no matter what happens in the 365 days that are yet to come, there will be a day where you get to put that all behind you and decide to start all over with fucking up the rest of your life.

With that said I guess I should come to my new years resolution, which more than likely it should be to drop a few pounds but it is not. I was over at my uncle's house earlier tonight and I was in the room with my three little cousins, we where playing their Wii that they had just got for Christmas and boy was I having a good time. And My little cousin Jordan who is only seven years old and it just one of the cutest things that I have ever seen was just laughing and having the time of her life. And I just thought to myself that these are the moments that I want to live for. Those precious moments of complete innocence. I mean just being with all three of them tonight just made me never want to miss a single moment in their lives. Which of course I will, and I'll blink and one day they will be 18 and headed off to college. But I guess that is really not to point.

The point is, that this year my new years resolution is going to be to spread myself too thin. I want to experience everything. I want to get on the right track to starting up some sort of a career and I also want to spend as much time as a possibly can with my family laughing and eating and talking about the days when I was just a kid. And I want to spend so much time with my friends, just shooting the ship about god only knows the crazy things that we talk about. And I want to make new friends. I want to meet people that have a totally different perspective on life and I want to be surprised by them. I want to be a light in which people can see the fire burning within me and want to know me because I have made their life all to more better for that. I know that this might sound crazy but I want to do it all. I want to see things that are new and amazing and startling, because I feel that my life with be better for it. I'm 25 years old now and I think that it is about damn time that I start to make some kind of an impact on this world.

I can't believe that it is already 2010, but I really do think that this is going to be a good year, I know it in my heart. I know that I won't be able to do nearly all of the things that I have just stated on this list, but I'm damn sure going to try. I had a baseball coach that once said, "I know it's early guys, but you can sleep when you're dead." And you know what I think that he is kind of right. There are so many things left for me to see and do, what is the point in sleeping though them. This year I am going to be as tired as one person can possibly be. My body is going to feel used and abused if I have anything to say about it, and in doing this I will know that I have lived. So, I've told you mine, what's your new years resolution?

It's Not Complicated

Right at this very second I am about to do something that I never ever do. Something that I try my best to never do. And that something is to blow up a movie. I know how much it takes to make a movie, I know the effort that so many people put into something to try and make it great, so I almost feel that it is not my place to then go and try and tear it down. But the movie that I just got done watching needs to be kicked in the nuts. That movie that I am speaking of right now is , It's Complicated.

Now right off the bat I know that there are so many people out there that are going to absolutely love this movie, my sister being one of those people. I mean women in their 40's and up this movie is probably going to be right up your alley. Well most women in general it's going to be right up your alley, but the truth of the matter is that this movie is just downright bad, and I'm not talking about the Micheal Jackson song lyrics "Bad" , I'm talking this is a bad movie.

It really is hard for me to say this because I have become quite the fan of Nancy Meyers and her movies. I really do enjoy her other movies: What Women Want, Somethings got to Give is really good, and I was particularly fond of The Holiday. But this movie is something completely different. It really does just miss on so many different levels for me. The first being that for a movie with the title It's Complicated, it absolutely wasn't. The movie was a very one note movie that left no element of surprise and if you think you have it all figured out about thirty minutes into the movie, believe me you do. The second problem that I have with this movie is the fact that it really is tackling some heavy subject matter and it just does it in the fluffiest bullshit way imaginable. The thing that Meyers movies have always had going for them is the fact that the material never really out weighs the fluff in the movie. I mean her most notably hard hitting movie as far as material thus far as been Something's got to Give, and that movie was handled just right, but It's Complicated is a prime example of what can happen to a movie when there just isn't enough focus.

I mean the acting in this movie is very good. Steep is her usual great self, Baldwin turns in another great comedic performance, and Steve Martin does a surprisingly good job playing the nice guy role. Then there is John Krasinski playing the stuck in the middle you've seen it before comic relief of the movie and he does a really good job, but outside of these characters every other character in the movie is just paper thin.

One of the things that really gets me is the fact that this movie wants to tackle one of the most serious of subjects, divorce and how the people get along after they are divorced, but it wants to do it in the most light hearted of ways which is just complete bullshit for anyone who has been in the middle of this situation. The other thing is the fact that Meyers always creates this Brady Bunch super tight unstoppable families in her movies which can just be this sort of overkill if you ask me. Because every family has a shit ton of money with three kids that are just super close and are all on there way or already are super successful. It's just too much, and it almost makes all of the so called problems that the characters in the movie are having menial.

Not to mention the fact that when I was watching the movie and the family was together acting all close knit and everything it just came off so fucking forced. For me there really was no chemistry there with the family so much so that all the scenes when they are all together comes off as some cheezy 1970's sitcom or something, I mean it is just that bad. Now let's throw in the fact that throughout the whole movie the kids are talking about how it use to be and they are begging their mom to let their dad stay over, and are acting like they want the family back together. But the moment they find out that their parents have been sleeping together they all flip out start crying and leave the house. And these are kids that are in the their early to mid 20's and one who is probably in her early 30's. Granted every family is going to have a crier in it, but if you are going to tell me that every kid is going to leave in tears then I'm going to have to call bullshit.

And all the silly gags are at an all time high. It is almost like they try to put one after another to keep the crowd laughing instead of mixing in some really emotional true to life scenes that would in fact have made the movie more complicated. It cruises right along in this happy little bullshit story until it abruptly climaxes and then of course fixes it all in a couple of scenes at the end of the movie and everyone is happy and everyone knows their place. For me this movie was the biggest bunch of bullshit I have seen in a very long time, and I went and saw THE SPIRIT mind you. You might like this movie if you are reading this, but really this movie is a pile of shit.

You know people say a lot of shit and most of the time when most people are talking I can't help but think that they are full of shit. It's like a reflex for me now because so many people are full of shit, and my bullshit meter seems to be pretty good. Now why do you ask am I talking about people being full of shit. Well there seems to be this little bullshit cliche saying that has been really getting to me lately. You know when someone says that something is the hardest thing that they've ever had to do. You know like letting so and so go, or not going out, or breaking up with so and so. It's basically a whole list of things that you can fill in to that little saying.
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And the thing about it is that I want to be the one right here and right now to say that people that say that are one hundred percent full of shit. I am so sick of hearing people say it. I think the next person that says some stupid shit along those lines I'm just gonna reach back and punch them in the face, and if it's a girl I might just have to open hand slap the shit out of them. So everyone that his reading this right here and now just be warned. I mean really if whatever stupid fucking thing that you have conjured up in your mind was really that hard you wouldn't be going around talking about it. Because honestly if it was one of the hardest things that you had to do you wouldn't sit around talking about that shit. But whatever really I digress. I don't know why I am even talking about this. I mean nobody reads this self loathing shit anyway, who am I really if not just a thumbprint on the window of a skyscrapper. Whatever this is what I think if you don't like it, read something else.

Tell them they're Great

I have recently been doing some thinking, and as dangerous as that is I decided to do it anyway. And while I was thinking about the assortment of things that happen to go through my mind at any given time I came to this one thought that I really couldn't get out of my head. Before I say any of this I want to first start off by saying, I haven't had the best of luck recently. As a matter of fact my luck as been down right awful. But what is luck really besides a frame of reference. I am unlucky today so that someone else might know that they are lucky. But really when it's all happening to you there really is this feeling of people being lucky as opposed to yourself being unlucky. Which in fact is yet another reason why I love baseball. You can't be lucky and get away with it. The season is 162 games that will test your mental and physical toughness. And over that period of time, you can't just be lucky. It's not like taking a multiple choice test, or giving a presentation that you really haven't prepared for. In baseball you can't just be lucky, you have to be good. Sure you'll get your dying quails to fall in for hits every once in while, and you'll leave a pitch belt high that someone will swing through on occasion. But when it's all said and do, you can either pound the zone and get outs or you can't. You can either hit a curve
ball or you can't. There is no cheating the baseball gods, believe me. Anyway I'm totally off base with what I wanted to talk about, because of baseball. It just always seems to suck me right in. What I wanted to say to those of you listening out there is this. Tell someone they're great, hell tell a bunch of people. Tell your friends and family, tell complete strangers. Because so often in life that's all somebody needs to hear. They just need to know that there is someone out there that believes that they are great. And the crazy thing is they just might end up being just that. We all have it within us just waiting to burst out, and I think those words coming from somebody, even a perfect stranger can make all the difference. I know that is may sound foolish, but I want to invest in people. It's a fool proof plan for me. I may not make a ton of money of this investment, but I think I can make a ton of change. So hopefully if you've made it all the way through this you're not too mad for me wasting your time and maybe you've even gotten something from this, I hope so. And I hope that sometime in the near future you have the balls and the compassion to tell somebody they're great.

Dark Matter

I think deep down I always knew it would come to this. When you're a dreamer eventually you have to wake up right? Maybe not, maybe I'll stay in this trance, maybe I'll stay on or in this cloudless heaven. Maybe I'll be fine. You know maybe I'll just keep a little part of my brain empty for these dreams. Maybe I'll live in the now and do all the things that you have to do to be a productive person that somebody else can actually see something in. But somewhere right in the back of my head I'll keep my dreams alive. I don't want my fire to go out, I don't want that at all. But I can feel the light dimming, everyday I feel it dimming. And I'm fighting tooth and nail to stay a float. I'm in an ocean in my mind and there has been a storm kicking up for quiet sometime now. I don't have I life jacket, I've lost it somehow, I've lost my life jacket and all I can do know is keep kicking, keep treading, just keep my head above water for a little bit longer. I guess I always knew it would come to this, but I guess I just thought it wouldn't happen this soon. I guess I thought that at this point in my life I would be so totally inspired that I would be able to move mountains, but I'm not. I feel like everyday I become less inspired. I feel like I am beginning to look at people and see the worst in them, and I feel like it might be bringing out the worst in me. I feel dark, I feel empty, I feel alone.