I've made it to the CREDITS

by: Brandon Ponder


Tonight I can hardly sit still, I find that I can barely hold a thought in my head, or even finish a sentence.  There is a sort of excitement or joy that is radiating throughout my entire body.  And although I know this post is going to be short and sweet I wanted to write it down anyway.  I wanted to always remember how I felt tonight, even if it means I'll be tired tomorrow.

Tonight I went and watched a movie.  Normally this would be business as usually, because I watch a lot of movies on a lot of different nights.  But tonight it was different.  I got to watch a movie that I actually worked on.  I was there to see how the sausage was made and tonight I got to see how it tastes.  And I have to say I think that it just moved to #1 on my list of life moments.  

I could sit here and give you a movie critique of Camp X-Ray.  I could tell you all the things I liked and all the things I didn't.  I could tell you about the music and the camera work.  But that isn't what this post is about.  I'll leave that for another time.  I'll simply tell you that tonight I got to sit in a movie theater and at the end of the movie when the credits rolled I got to see my name BRANDON PONDER right there in the credits.  

I've hit a few home runs in my day and I've through 1 no hitter in my life.  And this was right up there with those moments, but even better.  I know that I was only and intern on this project, but I tell you I will always remember that feeling in that theater.  Feeling like I was a part of something so much bigger than myself.  And that thing that I was a part of felt like magic.  I was a part of a magical experience.  

And I tell you I don't know if I'll ever be able to sleep again. By the time I was out of the movie I knew it was too late to call anyone back home, but luckily for me I got to call my best friend who is unluckily working the night shift right now and I got to tell him all about it and that meant a whole hell of a lot to me.  

After the movie everyone went to a bar to celebrate, but I just couldn't do it.  I was too pumped up to be confined in the space of a bar.  I had to hit the road and drive.  I had to feel the wind on my face and take in this magical city that in only 8 months has made a dream of mine come true.  A city that has welcomed me with open arms in every way.  A city that I am in the mist of a deep love affair with.

This moment was very big for me.  And I will take this moment and keep it close to me.  And when I'm feeling down or I'm feeling like I'm less than I will take this moment out and chew on it for a bit just so I can have this taste in my mouth again.  Tonight was a very big night for me.  So for those that doubted me I would like to say, "Take that!"  And for everyone else I would like to say, THANK YOU!

COURAGE thy name is FRANK

By: Brandon Ponder


This week has been a little trying for me.  I guess like all of life there have been some peaks and valleys recently.  Which to be honest is totally expected.  I am on my way to being homeless and every since Cory's visit I have just felt a little down in the dumps.  But whatever really, life goes on and people have much bigger problems than yours truly. 

For some strange reason I have spent much of this past week thinking of my grandfather.  It's weird but every once in a while I go through these periods where all of these memories of my grandfather come rushing back to me, and I spend much of a week or so thinking about him.  Thinking about the time that I spent with him, and thinking about some of the stuff I never got to say to him.  

No matter what I do when I'm thinking about him I always come to the point where I think to myself I wonder what he would think of me right now as the man I am today.  Because of the person I am, I know that that question will be one that stays with me for the rest of my life.  Because my grandfather is the standard for the type of man that I want to be in this world, so I will always question weather or not the man I am is a man that my grandfather would be proud of, or even friends with.

Anyway, the real reason I am writing this tonight is because I want to talk about courage.  Something that I find myself lacking from time to time.  And I think that everybody might feel this way from time to time.  But when I think about courage a story comes to mind.  And it's a story about my grandfather.  It's one that my dad told me, probably at a time when I was nervous or scared about something.  Because of course my father is the most cock sure person I think I've ever known in my life.  And he knows that I am completely unsure of myself about 75 percent of the time.

So he told me this story, and when I think of my grandfather I always think of this story and I find the courage within myself to do whatever it is that I am struggling with.  And I guess I just wanted to share it tonight, and maybe if you read this and you are struggling with being courageous you'll realize that there is no point in being afraid, because you never know where something might lead.

Growing up my grandfather was the oldest child.  And being the oldest he had to find a way to help support the family so he joined the military.  And as you can imagine the military wasn't the greatest of places for a black man.  And he spent much of his time with the other black privates digging the latrines.  And one day while on duty digging the latrines a CO came by and asked if any of the privates could type?  

Everyone just stood there, but my grandfather had the courage to raise his hand.  He knew absolutely nothing about typing, but he knew he didn't want to spend the rest of his life digging latrines.  So he raised his hand and said that he could.  He spent the next two weeks pecking away on a typewriter until one day his commanding officer came in and gave him his new orders.  He was to go to typing school the next day because his commanding officer was going to kill himself if he had to listen to my grandfather pecking away on that typewriter anymore.  

So he went to school, and he eventually went to college, and he rose in the ranks of the military becoming one of the top brass in the Air Force.  My grandfather even spent time in Russia during the Cold War.  That part of his life he never really talked about.  He but my Uncle Henry through school who only became on of the most notable black men in academia in this country.  He had a wife and a family and a life filled with so much love.  And all because he had the courage to raise his hand.

Some of you out there may read this and think that that isn't much.  That a single act of raising your hand isn't nothing to write home about or speak of.  But I completely disagree.  I think that single act shows more about him or any person than anything else.  Because there are so many times in life were we are afraid to raise our hands so to speak, and it really takes more than you know to do just that.

My grandfather told my dad that story, and told him never to be afraid to stand up and try something, because you never know where it will lead you.  And years later my dad told me that story and told me the same thing.  And if I'm ever blessed with a son or daughter I will tell them that exact story.  Because I believe in life there are times when we are all afraid of what is next or what's around the corner.  You shouldn't be.  Don't ever be afraid to raise your hand, because you might find that it takes you to some pretty amazing places.


for my grandfather: Frank Ponder Jr. I miss you all the time.

Goodbye Mr. Jeter......Thanks for the memories

By: Brandon Ponder




There are so many great lines in movies or just that have been spoken by people about baseball.  And the crazy thing about it is that if you've played or enjoyed baseball, and I mean really enjoyed it, then you know them all to be true.  And sometimes these lines can cut right through you when you think about them, and sometimes they put the biggest smile on your face.  I think my favorite of all time though has to be the one that comes from a little known movie starring Tom Hanks you might have heard of it, A League of Their Own... "It's suppose to be hard. If it wasn't hard, everyone would do it. The hard... is what makes it great." -Jimmy Dugan.   

I remember being much younger than I am today when I saw that movie and I just loved it.  I always hated the ending when the older sister lets her younger sister win, but as I've gotten older and my relationship with my sister has grown I totally get it.  And I remember as when me and my dad talked about the movie he pointed out how much he loved that line.  And how true it really was.  And as a kid I was always fascinated by everything my father said to me but I didn't always understand.  I didn't understand until I was older, until I'd been through the fire.  Until I'd ran 9-5s until I puked or until I'd spent the day working on my change up grip only to still suck at throwing one. Or until you've been struck out on a slider 10 times in a row only to get that 11th slider and take it on a ride.  That is when you know just how true that statement is.  And you fall in love with just how perfect it is.

Now my baseball days are long gone now and around this time of the year I feel that great longing that I always do.  The kind of longing that only a person that has been completely head over hills in love with something could understand.  But I think about that statement all the time.  And I miss the hell out of being on that field with a group of guys knowing that today you are going to win.  I hope that everybody on this planet should be so lucky to feel that at least once in their life.

Of course you all you might be wondering why you are reading a sappy little love letter to baseball again this year, but it's not for all the usual purposes.  I wanted to write this love letter to baseball because just a few days ago, Derek Jeter drafted a letter saying that this would be his last year playing professional baseball.  And I knew this day was coming but let me tell you when I read that letter it all just hit me like a ton of bricks.  Today will be the last year I get to watch my all time favorite baseball player.  He is one of only a few athletes that I have followed his career from the very beginning to the very end.  And there are so many great memories that I have of watching him with my father, and with some of my best friends.  I can only begin to start to talk about how important this guy is to me, but before I talk about him I think it would be better to talk about baseball and what it means to me.

I know that saying this I'm going out on a bit of a limb here but you know what I'm going to say it anyway.  Everything that I have in this life is because of baseball.  That sounds a little dramatic and even as I write it now I sort of tear up, because I know it to be true.  My dad always tells me about when I was younger, and how I had no problem hanging out with other kids, but I also had no problem being by myself.  And that is a nutshell was who I was.  I am and have always been a person very much in my own head creating my own world so that sometimes I don't need or have to be a part of this one.  And back then and even today I haven't been the guy that goes into a room and lights up with confidence.  I wasn't the guy that shined, but all that changed with baseball.  Baseball gave me that group to be a part of and made me happy to be apart of it.  And it gave me the confidence that only a person knows when you are really good at something and other people think you are good at it.  It gave me something to work for and concentrate on and it gave me a group of friends to do it with. It also helped me to deal with failure, of which I have had quite a bit of in my life.  

A lot of my best friends in my life came from baseball.  And the thing about these guys I'm talking about is that I know that they would jump in front of a train for me, and I them.  Of course not really because what kind of idiot would be on the tracks when the train was coming anyway, but really and truly they would.  Because they have been there for me at some of my lowest points and they have been there with me at some of the highest.  I've been in weddings and seen the birth of kids, hell I'm living in LA right now, right this very second writing this blog to all of you and for no other reason than the second year I was in college I met a catcher who later became my friend, and then became my roommate,  and then became one of my best friends.  And he told me to take a chance and come out here and he'd help me get started.  And he did, and my life and the path of my life has been forever changed because of it.  

I read a facebook post today that read, "how can you not be romantic about baseball?" -Billy Beane.  And I knew I just had to write this post.  I knew I had to pay tribute to my favorite player.  Even though I know he'll never read this I wanted to write it all the same.  Because Derek Jeter came around at a very important time in my life.  I wasn't a child anymore so I didn't think of athletes like mythical creatures anymore, and I wasn't at the age I am now were I find it strange to be looking up to these athletes who are for the most part younger than I am.  It was right in that age range were I could still be in awww of an athlete and look up to the kind of athlete and person that they are.  It was right in the age range where I first started to realize just what it takes to become a professional athlete and what these people have given up and just how hard they have worked to do so.  And he was my favorite.  Because of course he played on my favorite team.  A team that was my favorite well because it was my dad's favorite.  

And all Jeter did was play the game in an ERA where, "chicks dig the long ball." and in an ERA where when things started he was the 3rd shortstop in line behind Alex Rodriguez and Nomar Garciaparra.  And at the end of the day he out shined them both. He played and became captain of the greatest team in the history of sports, playing in the city with the brightest lights that chews up and spits out most of the athletes that come to play there.  And he never flinched once and has become the stuff of legends.  I won't even go into the list of the girls that he has bedded down, because that in and of itself makes him a legend in my book.  

I remember watching the 1996 world series when he was a rookie and they were playing the Atlanta Braves.  I watched it with my dad. And I remember watching Game 4 when the Yankees won 8-6 in 10 innings.  It was the game that I fell in love with baseball and it was the game were I first really saw that Yankee magic.  They were down 6-0 going into the 6th inning.  And as I watched as a kid it seemed like all was lost.  Even after they scored 3 in the 6th.  Then they score 3 more in the 8th and 2 in the 10th to win the game.  I learned that day that it is never over in baseball until the last out.  A lesson that I would re-learn over and over in my lifetime playing and watching this great game.  Of course they went on the win 1-0 in Game 5 and 3-2 in Game 6 to win the series.  It was Jeter's rookie year, and my dad told me there was something special about this shortstop and as a kid that looked up to his dad I believed him.  And all Jeter did was spend the rest of his career proving him right.

I will spend this baseball season glued to the TV watching any and every game that I can.  Following Derek Jeter's year and stats unlike any other year that he has played.  I want to soak in year game and spend my time remembering a lifetime of happiness that Derek Jeter and the Yankees have given me.  I tell people all the time that Derek Jeter is my favorite all time player.  And I never hesitate to mention or bring up the argument that he is the greatest Yankee to ever take the field.  And a lot of times people laugh at that because of greats like Babe Ruth, Mickey Mantle, Lou Gerhig, and Joe DiMaggio. But I don't care, I say that he outplayed and out shined all of them and I will continue and always argue that he was the greatest Yankee of all time.

The man has 10,614(AB) 3,316(H) 525(2B) 65(3B) 348(SB) .312(BA) he is a 13 time All-Star, AL Rookie of the Year, 5 Gold Gloves, 5 Silver Sluggers, All-Star MVP, and a World Series MVP.  He is the all time postseason leader in games(158) at bats(650) runs scored(111) hits(200) total bases(302) doubles(32) triples(5) and singles(143).  The guy is a first ballot Hall of Famer no doubt about it and lets for just one second take a look at the list of women he has dated which make him a first ballot Hall of Famer alone in my book.  Laura Dutta - 2000 Miss Universe, Jessica Biel before she was Mrs. Timberlake, Mariah Carey before she was Mrs. Cannon, Vanessa Minnillo, Vida Guerra, Jessica Alba, Minka Kelly, Hannah Davis, Scarlett Johansson, and Adriana Lima.  Just to name of few of I'm sure the many women he has slayed over the years. So cheers to you "Captain Clutch"  "Mr. November".

I guess I'm all done here.  I've said just about all I need to say and then some.  There is this thing about baseball that not even this blog will fully explain.  It was my first love.  It was my childhood memories.  If by chance I ever get lucky enough to have kids and have a son, it will be the one thing above all that I will share with him.  So I guess to some things up, really how can you not get romantic about baseball?

My Weekend with Cory & Cooper Part I

It feels like it's been a while since I've gotten on here and really had something to talk about.  But tonight I feel as though maybe, just maybe I do.  This last weekend was one for the ages. It was one I'll always remember and one that I needed in the worst possible way.  

January was not kind to me.  Well that's not entirely true.  My wonderful Mom and amazing Sister came to visit which was only the kind of family fun that we could have and ended with me surprise surprise crying as I leave from dropping them off at the airport and heading to work.  But every since that very moment it had been all downhill.  

I got told that I would have to move out of my place that I have come to love and have made into a home away from home.  I've had a dream about seeing and hanging out with my ex the day before her wedding 6 days ago.  3 days before that I had a dream I was at my father's retirement party. and 1 day before that I had a dream that I was at Kaden's high school graduation.  I say that to say that for the past few weeks there had just been this longing inside of me messing all of those back home.  Even the ones that I kind of really hate.  

And then just like that Cory Williamson, the Godfather himself scheduled a visit and turned it all around.  Much like Mary Poppins only when he comes into town his two friends get really drunk, practically take over every bar they go to, embarrass themselves in front of women by throwing up on themselves(me), fart out an entire apartment, peeing on the Church of Scientology, Roscoes Chicken and Waffles, FIFA World Cup, and enjoying a beautiful sunset over the Pacific Ocean.  And that is really just for starters.

I wanted to tell you all about everything in just one blog, but I realized there is just way to much to tell so I'm going to break it down into three parts and just give you the highlights of this adventure.  And this adventure started Thursday night.... After circling the airport for at least 40 minutes bullshitting with each other we Finally picked up Cory and the Desperate Housguys/Building C reunion was under way.  I think it is safe to say that the boys were back in town, and I don't think this town will ever quite be the same.

Now it was mentioned or kind of assumed that Thursday was just going to be a relax chill not for us, but really and truly the thing that must be realized is that when anyone in my circle gets together there is only one speed that we like to go, and much like Ricky Bobby we just want to go fast.  And all that I can say is that somewhere around our second shot of SoCo and my obsession over just how nice the asses of must of the waitresses at Ye Old Rustic Inn were I kind of lost the plot.  And by that I mean I was well on my way to being hammered drunk, but there was something great about being with these two guys downing drinks talking about the good times and making fun of each other at every opening that just brought me back.  

I probably have a hundred moments from this weekend that I get to carry with me from now on and it started right from the jump.  Sometimes things in life let you down, but I must say my friends never do, they are always holding me up, it really is amazing.  We took the party from the bar back to Cooper's place and a few beers and a frozen pizza later I, Brandon Ponder was out like a light.  I truly was the nerd at the sleep over that goes to sleep first and then everybody goes out T.P.ing and then they meet up with a group of girls that are having a slumber party and play spin the bottle.  And then later on I have to lie and pretend I was a part of it all.  

I have been on record saying just how amazing FIFA World Cup is and now after this weekend I think I can safely say that it is "the greatest game of all time!"  Because while I was passed out on Cooper's love seat they were inthralled in a battle to win the World Cup that kept them up until 630 in the morning.  Now of course I can't really go into all the specifics because after all I was the nerd that was sleep on the couch.  But from what I've heard of the stories it was one epic night of FIFA that ended in a heartbreaking loss.  And apparently these bozos were being so loud over FIFA that the downstairs neighbor came up to bitch them out.  And apparently I was still dead to the world on the couch snoring at this point.

I did wake up.  And like a drunken idiot I stumble to the bathroom used it, came out thinking that I had only been asleep for 15 minutes not knowing that it was 630 in the morning and we were all about to crash some of us for just the first time.

It's a funny thing being with some of your best friends.  Because a night sitting at a bar and giving each other shit all night and then going home drinking beers, listening to records, passing out, and playing FIFA can be enough.  It can be just what the doctor ordered to get you out of your funk.  And if that is all you did all weekend you would seriously be just fine.  Lucky for us and all of you out there that is not the case............

TO BE CONTINUE.



In honor of Phillip Seymour Hoffman, my top 5 scenes.

5. Along Came Polly

4. Before the Devil Knows Your Dead

3. Charlie Wilson's War

2. The Ides of March

1. Almost Famous