Questing in LA

Well it's been a few days since I've been able to get on here and write something down, so I decided that I couldn't let another day go by without writing something down about this Quest that I'm on.  I know that it may all seem quite stupid or that I'm not taking things very seriously, but the truth of the matter is that it is actually quite the opposite.

This Quest for me halfway across the country has been the biggest endeavor of my young life.  Only the real thing is that I don't really feel quite young at the moment.  I feel more like an old soul really at the end of it all when really I am at the beginning.  My spiritual Quest to the West has been quite cleansing for me in one way and very anxiety ridden in another way.  

I wake up every morning in sunny California were the weather is always beautiful and I can't help but feel at peace.  But then I look around at my surroundings as I am getting up on the couch of one of my best friends and I can't help but be a little paralyzed with fear.  It's a crazy feeling taking this leap like I have.  I don't really know what all is out there for me, expect for everything. And I guess that in and of itself can be somewhat of a frightening thing.  All the possibilities right out here for me I just have to get a move on.

The crazy thing is that I'm just about an hour away from the beach right now, and I still haven't been yet.  I know I will go soon, but at times for me it's hard to want to see or feel the joy of certain things in life, because I know and feel and am so aware of the weight of life itself.  I have to be mindful of this situation and make sure that I don't miss out of all the beautiful things that this Quest has to offer me. Because there are so many things about this place that is just flat out beautiful.

There are also aspect of this thing that is greatly terrifying.  I don't think I've ever been in a city quite like this one.  It feels as though I am on a different planet sometimes being out here.  I mean I've been to big cities before, New York and Chicago, but the truth of the matter is that they are nothing like this one.  Sure it is a big city and it has that feel of all the hustle and bustle, but this is also not a vertical city and things around here are very spread out.  And the people are just so chill and laid back.  I have a long way to go to really get the hang of this thing, but I know that I will be able to.

It seems to me that life has it's own funny and unique way of working things out and somehow despite all odds and me resisting this for so long I have found myself just in the place that I always find myself dreaming and talking about.  Trying to pursue something that I am always talking about but in a lot of ways was just to afraid to really pursue it.  

I know that life will carry on from here and that this moment in time as compared to all it's other moments really isn't that big of a deal.  I have friends that are entering the second phases of their lives and some are becoming parents and some of us are just now finding ourselves.  I know that ten years from now this blogs and these writings that I'm doing now may just be a joke or a funny story that I tell at a dinner party, but right now this life and these words that I'm writing are the only things that I have to hang on to.  They matter so much to me and if you are reading or have read any of the silly things that I have written in the past years I hope that they might matter to you.

Letter to my Best Friend

Now I know that some of you out there may think you have some idea of who this letter is to.  And I could go down the list of people that are in the best friend category of my life which there are a few and most of you out there probably still couldn't guess who I am writing this letter to.  But tonight 875 miles away from home in a hotel room that overlooks a mountain in Flagstaff, Arizona I want to write this thank you letter to some who without this trip "Quest with Chris Ponder" would not be possible.  That person of course is my sister Tiffany Jackson-Ponder.

That's right folks my sister is one of the black women with a hyphenated last name.  And man does she pull it off.  This is a letter to you sis, thanks for everything.

Dearest Tiffany,

   I guess the best way to start this off is just to say, thank you for being you, because without you I wouldn't be me.  Thank you for all the torture you put me through the beginning part of my life.  Chasing me around with kitchen knives scaring the shit out of me, hitting me in the head with all my hot wheels I left laying out on the floor and especially wrestling me down when I still wasn't strong enough to take you and slowly spitting loogies on me. And just genuinely not liking me when I thought it was all just a game. 

   Thank you for baring the burden of our parents divorce because I was that goofy kid that played star wars over and over in his head and to be completely honest I really had no idea what was going on other than the fact that Dad is going to live with Grandmother and Grandfather now. Thank you for letting me tag along on your dates and just be the annoying little brother that had to have seemed to be right out of an early 90's family sitcom.

   Thank you so much for getting older and actually starting to like me around the time I was going through my super awkward teenage phase.  And always trying to help me pick out close that were cool and in fashion because god only knows where I would be had I made all of those decisions myself.

   Thank you for supporting me and being on of my biggest cheerleaders in my flash in the pan baseball career and dragging mom along with you to some of my games because you knew how much it meant to me even if I never said anything about it.

   Thank you for having the intelligence, drive and work ethic to go after your dreams and just be that positive influence for me to look up to always.  And for letting me run up such a large amount of debt on your credit cards for no reason other than the fact that you are my big sister and I am your little brother. And thank you for letting me move out with you to Virginia and be your roommate for six months and showing me that the world is so much bigger than I could even imagine and that with hard work and determination everything you want is out there for the taking.

   Thank you for showing me just exactly how to sneak into a movie, and how to know take shit from anyone.  How to know what you want and go out and get it.  And the value of customer service.  Thank you for fighting with me and never taking my sarcasm to heart and for training me to remember at least one person's birthday.  thank you for everything you have done for me and all the stuff I know you will do.  I love you so much sister and I can't wait to make you proud.

Respectfully, 
Brandon "Bubba" Ponder