I shouldn't have but I did

Now against my better judgement I did something that i knew I shouldn't have tonight.  I mean I just knew deep down in the pit of my stomach that I just shouldn't do it but I just for the life of me couldn't help myself. I'm like a child that wonders in to the middle of the conversation with no frame of reference(for all you nerds out there that now what I'm talking about, you're welcome). And because I did what I knew I shouldn't have done, I ended up just exactly where I thought I would end up.  Where is that you might ask?  Well in my bed crying like a baby of course.  Well maybe not like a baby, more like heroic man tears, if you get my drift.

SO I bet right about now you're wondering what could make a grown make cry such manly heroic tears, well the answer to that could be a number of things.  Like for instance, watching that jack ass who shall remain nameless in my book muff two punts and cost the 49ers a chance to make it back to the Super Bowl where they would have won their 6th championship, that's just one thing.  Watching the movie SUPER 8 and being reminded just what it felt like the be a kid and be filled will wonder and excitement.  These are just two examples I thought of right off the top of my head but that is not what caused me to cry tonight.  It was something very different.

Tonight..... I decided to even though I told myself not to I did it anyway and watched the second trailer for the movie MAN OF STEEL!!!! Oh no he didn't... Yes I most certainly did, and wow did it hit me right in the kisser.  And that folks is saying something.  I say that because I'm not the biggest Superman fan.  There are so many people that I know would love nothing more than to tear my head off for saying that but seriously I just don't have that Superman button in my that so many other people that I  know do. I always preferred the darkness of Batman more, or even the cockiness of Iron Man, or the straight badassness of Wolverine.  Superman just never quite registered with me like he did with all the rest of my classmates.

That is until right now.  Holy Balls, it looks to me like Zach Snyder is trying to make a believer out of me, in the same way that J. J. Abrams made a believer out of me with the new Star Trek.  I can still remember the first trailer for that movie there was a line in that trailer that just gave me chills and made me tear up after he first time I saw it, and I knew after that I was going to see Star Trek.  Christopher Pike: "Now, your father was captain of a Starship for 12 minutes.  He saved 800 lives including yours. I dare you to do better."  Oh my god I was hooked after that. and if I didn't just have a blast watching that movie.

And now comes this damn MAN OF STEEL trailer and damn if it didn't just hit me on every different level.  I just makes me realize how much I love movies. The imagination and wonder of it all.  Reading these comic books as a kid.  Feeling tall and awkward and goofy and completely out of place, but being able to completely lose yourself in your imagination and now seeing people put this stuff that I could only imagine on the big screen.  God it makes me fall in love all over again, time after time.  So please go watch the trailer, or watch this trailer I'm about to post and go see some movies this weekend for god sake, it'll make you feel good.  Trust me I know all about these things.

Thanks to Cusack

I must admit to you all right here and now that I am rather partial to John Cusack.  Now granted I'm not saying that everything he's done has been gold, i.e. Must Love Dogs, Pushing Tin, and god 2012.  But let me just say that some of the characters he's created I will remember forever.  He does that rare thing for me, and this is the problem with movies in this day and age I think.  He just makes a number of solid movies.

I feel like there use to be so many more solid movies that would come out.  Now it's like Blockbusters, Shit, More Shit, then it's Oscar Season movies.  Were did all the just solid that was a good movie go?  I'm either watching movies that are built for tweens, or I'm watching the latest in gore, freaky, crazy, did you see that ghost are all around us that's why is scary, or shit blowing up everywhere from start to finish, so much stuff in the frame my eyes can't keep up, or heavy handed performance pieces... Now granted I can watch the latter any day of the week, but seriously what ever happened to just going in and watching a good solid movie?

That's what a lot of Cusack is for me.  Just solid shit that I really dig.  And I was reminded of that from a quote from one of his greatest movies might I add(thank you Jamie) "Where are all the good men dead? In the heart or in the head?"-Grosse Pointe Blank   If you haven't seen it, child please, go out and watch it as soon as you can.  If you don't like it, well then you're and idiot and I can't help you. KIDDING.  

Then there is the weirdo he plays in Being John Malkovich, seriously you'll hardly recognize him, and it's such a sweet movie. There's High Fidelity which I know so many people have to love because it's solid. Then there is one of my personal favorites, The Sure Thing... I mean it's just totally 80's in the best possible way, and it's a road trip movie so clutch.  

And let us not forget about Lloyd Dobler.  I mean really the eternal optimist that just gets it done in the weirdest of ways. The guy that is more self assured at 18 than most people are there whole lives.  Good I love love Say Anything...  Yeah I know all about the cliche Peter Gabrielle song that everyone  has to know from the movie. But damn it cliches are that for a reason that song and that seen and that movie is just the tits, that's all there is to it.

"What I really want to do with my life - What I want to do for a living - Is I want to be with you daughter. I'm good at it." -Say Anything...

"Don't be a guy, be a man. The world is full of guys." -Say Anything...

Anyway, that's my thing for the night, I guess I'm gonna go polish off John Cusack and then maybe go to bed... Tell me what you think... Who is one of your favorite random actors that you don't think gets enough love?

Dirty Shoes

So this is kind of depressing.  Don't you just hate it when something you are reading starts off that way.  I suggest you all stop reading right now... No kidding keep reading I need you to, other wise I'm just a hack writing to myself, which I guess wouldn't be so bad because I kind of like myself at the moment.

This weird thing has been happening to me the last few days. I go to my room, get my computer out start to write but then I don't and I just kind of lay down and as I do I turn my head and what do I see... Well I see a pair of shoes I bought about a year ago. Wow, a year ago. It's already a year ago, where does the time go???? So I see these shoes and I just become fixated on them, it's really quite weird.  I mean the last two days I've laid here and stared at them for at least five minutes.  Now granted five minutes is a glint of dust if we think about the history of time and space, but five minutes looking at a pair of shoes.  That's a fucking(pardon my French) eternity. 

They are a year old, and they are still perfectly fine.  They are a good pair of shoes. But they are dirty and dusty and no where near brand new. But they're shoes I guess they aren't meant to be spotless, and after all I do stick my stinky feet into them so what can I expect.  I mean I know they are dusty because I've worn them out to the tailgate and kicked up a little dust and had a good time in them. And they are still as comfortable as the day I bought them with no problems, but they aren't necessarily the kicks you wear out on your first date with somebody.

And I'll be damned if this thought doesn't just keep creaking up in my head. "Am I these shoes?? Are these shoes me?? I can't be these shoes can I?? I am more than a dusty old pair of good time shoes aren't I???" I know how this sounds crazy right? After all I am a live real boy.

But sometimes you just don't know.  You start to think to yourself, I am those shoes.  Sure I'm nice and comfortable and perfectly adequate, but also I am dusty and worn out and I'm there for a good time if you need one, but I'm not your first choice.  I'm not your go to shoe in the clutch. I am the dusty old shoes in the corner.

Obviously that is completely melodramatic but please don't tell me I'm the only one that feels like this from time to time. When I was younger I had a person, well full disclosure a person of interest send me, "Should I smile because we are friends, or cry because that's all we'll ever be?" Ouch, talk about a loaded gun.  I think that was the very moment that I feel in love with bittersweet and tragic endings.  People think I'm crazy for that but there just seems to be so much of it out there and I just get it.  I just get how something can leave such a profound and optimistic look on how you feel while crushing you all at the same time. 

I can tell you this, I must make a damn good friend, because people always seem to want to make sure nothing happens with that.  Oh god now it really sounds melodramatic. This isn't a whoa is me, this is just a guy talking about some shit he's been thinking about. There's this seen in a short, Hotel Chevalier, where Natalie Portman asks if they can still be friends.  And he says to her, "I promise I will never be your friend."  One of the most penetrating and baller lines I've ever seen delivered in a movie. And then after he banged her, and there is a side shot of Natalie Portman naked with "Where do you go to my lovely." by Peter Sarstedt playing(one of my favorite songs because of this by the way)

I don't know why I've decided to write all this but if felt kind of good tonight. If you read this and think this guy is a poor sad sack, don't, because I'm not.  This is all something I just felt needed to be said.  I mean the past two weeks I've had three of the best conversations I've had all year. By and man named Don, a man named Mike, and a man named Cooper.  One urging me to never give up the good fight no matter how down and out you are. One telling me to do it, follow my dreams to where ever they may take me, and one telling me , "Yes Brandon, you are a writer."

So you all tell me, does I guy that has friends like that really have a right to be a sad sack.  I certainly don't think so, and hey maybe I am a dirty pair of shoes. I'm sure there are those out there that might like the mess.

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