It has been quite some time since I have been on here writing about my most personal of thoughts. Mostly because lately I have been keeping those most personal of thoughts in my head and out of the way of others. For better or for worse. But now as the month of February come to an end and another Black History Month and Black History Month Contest is almost over I just felt so compelled to get on here and spill my guts once more.
So last year was a very rough year for me in many ways. And I'm not even talking about the election. I started the year making having two goals. I wanted to make strives in my career and I also wanted to make strives in my relationships with the opposite sex. Although I do believe that I achieved in both goals that I set out for it was not without its struggles and sometimes even road blocks. And by the time the end of the year came I felt completely out of place within my own skin and in the path that I was headed down in life.
You see in going after these pursuits. These singular avenues if you will I feel like I neglected some other things in my life and I lost quite a bit of myself. And it left me with some what of an empty space inside of me. Now once a friend of my talked about the concept of "empty spaces" and I do feel that to some extent we all have these inside of us, always longing and trying to fill them up. But last year I felt like the empty spaces within me started to overtake me.
In focusing so much of these things within me I neglected to focus on the real thing that has continuously and always fed my soul. And that is PEOPLE. I lost quite a bit of focus on my family and my friends. I told myself that I was very busy and I started to let things slip. I wasn't the person that i prided myself on being. I wasn't the friend that my friends deserve to have. Now I think that for the most part my family and my friends would say that I was "fine". But that is not at all who or what I want to be. "Fine", who in the world wants "fine"? If I am or have been anything less than an amazing friend then I am not okay with that. Because that is what all of my friend have been and what they mean to me. I have no use for being just a "fine" friend or have a friendship that is "fine", because the people that are in my life are much more and mean much more to me than that.
So, I set out for a new goal this year. And I don't plan on discussing it in this post. But there are things that I want to accomplish this year and I really won't settle for anything less. And I know that this year is just a couple months old but I feel as though I am on the path that I need to be on. And I feel that so much this month because during Black History Month my friends always set out to make me feel extra special. And I know whenever I talk about this whole thing with people I tell them that I shamed my friends into doing all of this, but I know that's not really true. I know that it's because of the love that you all have for me and the love that I have for all of you. And soon I will announce this years winner of the SOUL GLO CUP, you'll have to pry it out of Amy's hands I'm sure so that you can engrave your name on it, but before I do I just want to take a moment to thank some of you for what you mean to me.
JENNA: your letters to me this month have stirred up so many emotions both good and bad and have made me challenge myself in new ways that I have not to in quite sometime. You are a fierce woman of the highest character and intellegance and I am in aww of you constantly. BO: your struggle and your percevierance is inspiring to me. The talk that we had the other day was like a breath of fresh air to me and I'm so happy to know that you are doing well in this world and still fighting and kicking ass. CUADRAS: that picture, sent me to tears. I felt so much love coming from you all that I was completely overwhelmed. And that fact that you wanted to see old pictures of my grandfather had me overcome with pride and joy, so thank you. CC: whenever you come out and visit me it's always special. You are such a chill and genuinely good dude that I always feel more centered after you come and visit. DREW: I'm always looking forward to our late night talks. It is in these conversations that I am forming the person that I want to be. The way you are striving with you food truck inspires the hell out of me. MERRELLS: you guys are the fighters. The fight that you guys have in you pushes me to get more of that in me. I can't think of any finer people, and the Hurricane is one of my favorite humans on the planet. CORY: if I didn't have you knocking me down, well I might just be completely full of myself by now. You are one of the few that makes it okay for me to march to the beat of my own drum. COACH: as long as I know you I'll never forget where I come from, and now I have the knife to prove it. You are the part of Oklahoma that I always long for. DON: I'm sure I'm going to argue with you for the rest of my life and we are going to make a lot of people uncomfortable in doing so, but I don't mind. GLOVERS: Asa is the real MVP as far as I'm concerned. And now I long for our Sunday morning phone calls. I feel like as long as I know you all I will continue to grow. PAIGE: I will never call you April, but your love for movies and good TV makes me love those things that much more, thank you for that. HOOKSES: You two know exactly who you are and you never waiver for even a second. I want and need that in my life. And you seem to love even the worst side of me, so thank you. OZUNAS: you two are the rocks, strong and immovable, patient and kind. It doesn't matter what happens, I know you're always going to be there. MIKE: your passion and drive is infectious. Like a sickness you pass it on to me in the best way. When we get a chance to really talk it is always enlightening. AMY: your kind words are always welcoming and the fact that you are working your ass of and opening your own business inspires the hell out of me. I so wish you would have been able to meet my grandfather too.
I know that there are so many others deserving of thanks, and I promise I will get to you all in the very near future. I've just run out of time this time around. But I hope that you all know that you are now and will always be in my heart. And whatever your dreams are they are my dreams as well and whatever I can do to help them come true for you, I will.
