It's been a long time. I shouldn't of left you. Without some dope words to step to. Step to. Step to. And in comes Alyiah with that magical voice. Well maybe not. I hope if you are reading this you get that little delicious 90's reference I just dropped all over you. Now for those of you that are in no mood to take the all that is me in any given blog, well I suggest you stop reading because today I feel like I actually might have something to say. And you all know that I can make of mess of something like that.
So today I watched a movie. Which I guess that is not the most groundbreaking news when it comes to me, but man did I ever see a MOVIE today. If you've read this in the past or you have talked to me before in any kind of detail then you know that Richard Linklater is pretty much my favorite director out there. Now you might be saying to yourself, "But Ponder, you have some many favorite directors/writers/movies, how the hell am I to keep up?" Fair enough, but really this guy makes movies that I am just in ahhhh of and the kind of movies that I want to make. And his latest movie BOYHOOD is no different.
I remember when I first saw the trailer for this movie.....
I had been waiting for this movie for over a year now and let me tell you that it delivered on every note that it possibly could and maybe even more. The movie about a boy growing up in Texas dealing with life and the aftermath of his parents divorce for some strange reason hit a little closer to home than I ever thought that it would. (I can be a little slow sometimes) Even though my life happened in such a different way than the kid in this movie I can't help but feel so close to this character. There were scenes in this movie that I literally felt like I was taking a punch right in the gut while watching it.
And like I said I've had such a different experience but in a way so much the same. I watched this movie and I realized something that I guess I have always known or realized for such a long time. My parents divorce has effected me in so many ways that it is really hard to put into words.
Now let me just note that I'm not going to talk about how my parent screwed me up or I blame them for all my shortcoming, no that was probably the Brandon from 3 or 4 years ago. I mean life happens and my parents got divorced. I think they did a pretty good job and I seem to have turned out okay. But I do feel that in the back of my head I will always be screwed when it comes to relationships.
Not that I'm this dating dynamo anyways, but there is this thing that seems to always be there. And that thing that I am talking about is this... My DAD has and will always be my HERO. And I think I will be forever 12 years old pitching to him in the backyard working on throwing strikes. And my MOM, well she's just the greatest woman and for the record possibly the greatest person I've ever known. And if my hero and the greatest person I known can't make it work? Well then let's face it I'm pretty much a lost cause.
And quite frankly I am always secretly routing for my parents to get back together. I remember like a month ago, I lied to my Mom. And not like a white lie, but a she asked me a question but I thought the truth might hurt her feelings or something so I purposely lied to her. I remember all of this because I haven't purposely lied to my mom in I don't even know how long, and I remember after hanging up the phone with her it hurt a little bit.
But before I get to the lie, let me just tell you how I got to the lie. So I have a sister. I love my sister very dearly, but my sister is not someone you can tell things to. Or if you tell her something you have to say Tiffany don't tell anyone I said this, and then really it's still about 50/50. Why do I always forget this? I'll never know.
So we were talking and I thought we were in the cone of secrets and I told her that I think that deep down in my heart I think that mom and dad will someday get back together. Because what can I say, I don't think I can live in a world where I don't think there is a chance for my parents, even after all these years. So of course since I told my sister, it is only natural to assume that she opened her big mouth and told our mother this, because well, my sister has a big mouth.
So now imagine my surprise when I call my mom on the way to work yet another 15 hour day just to say hi because I haven't talked to her in a while and she says, "Brandon, do you think that me and your dad are going to get back together? Because your sister seems to think so." Now of course I think so, because what can I say, I'm a hopeless romantic and who doesn't want their parents to be together. But I'm on my way to work and I don't want to get into it, and more importantly I don't want to hear my mom say that there is never going to be a chance that her and my dad get back together, so I lied to my mother.
Now I have no idea why I just told you that story but somehow I felt that it was relevant. I just had this experience while watching this movie and I started to wonder about all the things that my parents might have given up. I'm getting to do all the things that I want to do, but I worry that maybe they haven't done what they've wanted on the count of me. I mean neither one of them have remarried.
Not to say that there haven't been people in their lives. I mean jesus my dad has brought quite the line-up by in my life, from women that have bought me socks, to women that were only like 4 or 5 years older than me, to whoever. And the number of arcades I went to when I was younger because my mom was dating some guy that was trying to impress me, and my mom knew I liked videogames.
I guess I'm just trying to say how much this movie meant to me. Because as a sometimes introverted guy who often times has a pretty pessimistic view on life that is always in the background watching things, this movie really really hit home. I really want people to see this movie, and also I really want my parents to be has happy as they want to be. I know the second sounds weird but it's the honest truth.
