It is because on a night like tonight I feel damn near untouchable. And that my friends in not a feeling I am or ever have been use to feeling. I think that it is nothing but the best of signs that on my second day of filming a nickelodeon kids show were I get to work with one of my very best friends in the whole world I will have made it ONE YEAR in L.A. It really is a dream come true. I'm so happy I want to cry and for those of you that know me might actually think that I am even though I'm not.
Today Me and Cooper got to joke around about some of the craziest things that happened in the course of this day and I was working on a studio lot with John C. Reilly. This is something that I never really thought could happen, but I was there and it did. I really want to be writing coherent thoughts right now, but my mind seems to be going ever which way right now. So let me just start from the beginning.
Four years ago, I had no idea I would be in the place that I am today. And three years ago I was on the verge of giving up. And I'm not exaggerating, I had almost completely given up on myself and on life in general. I thought that I wasn't a person that good things were going to happen to. I put myself in a prison of my own doing and I was locked in there and I was dying.
Which brings me to my movie reference. I love The Shawshank Redemption. If you have known me for any amount of time then you will know that one of my favorite quotes is "Get busy livin' or get busy dyin'". There is something about it so true and honest that it just gets me every time. For those of you that haven't seen the movie, let me be the first to say, "Go jump off a bridge." I mean really just right off the tallest one you can find.
This movie is about prison and about hope and the human spirit. And even though it takes place in a physical prison there is something to be said about the way that we all sometimes hold ourselves hostage in a prison of our own doing. My prison has been and forever will be self-doubt. And there is something to be said about never giving up hope and lasting just long enough to break yourself out of that prison.
When me and my dad jumped into my car with all of my worldly belonging and headed on our journey across country, that was me crawling through my 4 football fields of shit and coming out clean on the other side was L.A. I've gotten the chance to see and do things that I never would have imagined and every single day this city blows my mind in some ways.
But that is not to say that this has all been some easy fairy tale, because really it has been far from it. I've struggled and I've had to move and I've doubted myself and I've spent some sleepless nights up worrying since I've been here. And I've missed my friend and family like crazy. This has been one of the hardest years of my life. And I'm so thankful for every second of it.
I didn't know if I had "IT" in me. I didn't know if I had that thing that would push through anything and that I could make it anywhere. I've been held up so much by my family and my friends I didn't know if I could make it out here on my own. But I did it. In a city that can be very unforgiving and can be very isolating at times. And honestly I feel like because of it I can do anything in life, and I'm not really worried about the next step or if I'm going to be okay, because I already am.
I had built up a million reasons to stay in Oklahoma and why it wasn't a good idea for me to come out here, but I'm so glad that I finally stepped up grew a pair and came out here. Somebody shared a Jim Carrey speech with me on Facebook and hearing him talk felt like looking into a mirror. He said and I am paraphrasing, "You can fail at something you don't want, so you might as well take a chance at something you love." I think there have been no truer words spoken and I'm glad I took a chance on something that I love.
I don't know yet where my life is going to take me. I've been to some interesting places along the way so far, but the future is wide open. And just tonight somebody text me and without even knowing made me remember..."There is a tide in the affairs of men. Which, taken at the flood, leads on to fortune; Omitted all the voyage of their life is bound in shallows and miseries. On such a full sea are we now afloat. And we must take the current when it serves, or lose the ventures before us."
I'm proud of myself as a man for one of the first times in my life, and I believe that my father is genuinely proud of me as a man as well. I remember once he said something to me that always stuck. He said the only thing that comes to a sleeper is a dream. Just another nugget of wisdom from the mouth of Chris Ponder. And I think he is 100 percent correct, but I'm here tonight telling all of you guys that the life that you want. The life that you are struggling to find or the one you think is out of reach. It's not, it is right there for you. You just have to WAKE UP AND GO GET IT.
P.S. For all of those that believe in me when I didn't believe in myself(and you all know who you are) I don't have much to give and maybe I never will, but all that I have and all that I ever will have and especially this year is for YOU.
