As I sit in the library trying to do something that I love to do, write, I find that I can't sit still or concentrate for more than five seconds at a time. I had known that this day was going to come for weeks and even months now, but there still isn't anything that really gets you prepared for it. And believe you me, I know that it has been a while since I've gotten on here and the verdict of the Michael Brown case really wasn't how I wanted to return to all of you, but I just feel something creeping up inside me and if I hold it down for too long I'm afraid of what might really happen.
I really don't know what to say, or maybe I have a lot to say I just don't really want to say it. Because as soon as I do I know that all of you will look at me differently. I know that I'll be relegated to the role of the angry black man, and all of my life I've been told never to go there. I've been told never to fall prey to that stereotype because in that stereotype that is when the worst case scenario can happen. And I really don't want to get into the what really happened of it all, I just really want to say that I am disappointed and that I am very sad.
I know it might sound crazy because I didn't know this young man who was killed and even if I would have met him there is a chance we would not be friend and I would not like him, but I feel a certain kinship with him. It is the kinship that only another black male can really and truly feel in this country. I'm talking about a kinship that comes from seeing women clutch their purses a little tighter when you step into an elevator with them. Or the feeling you get when you walk into a party and everyone is clocking you nervous about what "kind" of black person you are until they meet you and you feel them breathe that sigh of relief. I'm talking the kinship that only a young black male can know when your dad buys you your first car and within a month you get pulled over because, "that light was yellow when you were going through it and I'm pretty sure it was red before you got through so that's technically running a red light son." "Now, is this your car? Where did you get it from? Are you sure it's not stolen? Do you have any warrant? You don't have to lie to me so if you have some warrants tell me know and I can go easier on you." I wish these were just some lines that I made up or this was all just a joke, but these are the words I've heard from cops multiple times in my life. Even though I've never been arrested, never been suspended from school, hell I've never even gotten a ticket in my entire life. Well I've had a few parking tickets actually.
By all accounts I am an upstanding citizen and really just a good person but when a cop sees me all he can see is a suspect. This is the realization of so many if not all Black American men in this country. I can't be having a bad day if I'm speaking to a police officer. I have to talk to them as if I was a 10 year old child getting ready to get scolded by his father. No matter what he says or does I can't get upset. I have to kiss his ass and hope to god that he doesn't think of me as a threat. This is the life that Black American males live in this country. And if you are reading this and you think that I'm full of shit, go ask your black friend about it. Sit down and have a real conversation about this stuff. I promise you they will tell you, and they will be all the more grateful to you for asking.
I think that it is a serious problem that as a citizen of this wonderful country that I have to be in constant fear and a completely self aware when it comes to police officers. Some of you may wake up everyday afraid of being robbed or raped or the victim of a heinous crime. But I wake up thinking that at some point in my life my number is going to be pulled and I'm going to come face to face with a member of law enforcement and that person might kill me. This may sound crazy to you but it's true. As a Black male living in America I am afraid of the people who have sworn an oath to protect me. Because I know that in this country the value of a Black male's life means next to nothing if you can't dribble a basketball, break tackles, or are funny in movies. And I know that some people out there might think that I am being ridiculous and that I'm exaggerating my stance but I assure you I am not. Too many times I have to turn on the news and see young Black men dead at the hands of law enforcement. And too many times those Black men are unarmed.
For all those that know me they know that I am about the most mild mannered person you will ever meet, and I genuinely want to get to know just about ever person I meet. My nickname in college my freshman year was Cupcake for god's sake. But I know that from the outside looking in that I am a 6'3 and a large man that can look imposing. So maybe I do go out of my way to be friendly towards people and act in a mild manner because don't ever want there to be a situation where people are afraid of me. And it makes me mad as hell, because why should I have to even be this way. Why do I have to go out of my way to make people feel like I'm not a threat?
So Michael Brown was unarmed and he was shot and killed. And there was no indictment. So the cop was justified in shooting and unarmed man, and he was justified in waiting so long to call it in, and the police force of ferguson was justified in letting the body sit out in the street and rot for hours, and they are also justified in the age of technology where my 8 year old cousin has a phone with video capability in not having dash cameras on their cars. The whole situation stinks to me, but I know we live in a country of due process and that process played itself out, but somehow it doesn't seem like justice was done. And I'm sure months from now we will all have forgotten about this mess and moved on to the next scandal and Michael Brown will be nothing more than a statistic to all those outside of his family. And I just can't help thinking who will be the next Michael Brown? Who will be the next Unarmed Black Male to die at the hands of a cop? Will it be me?
Right now at this very moment, to quote a wonderful movie Network, I'M MAD AS HELL, AND I'M NOT GOING TO TAKE THIS ANYMORE! But we all know that's not true. I'm going to continue to live my life in the right way that I've been taught my whole life and just hope to god that I'm number never gets pulled and that it's not my parents at the center of all of this because I was shot down.
The first step to solving a problem is to admitting that there is one. And there is a big problem in this country and I'm tired of hearing people say that because there is a black president there can't be racism or prejudice, that in and of itself is a problem. The problem is that in this country white people do not trust black people, and black people do not trust white people. I know that there are a thousand ways to argue against this and people reading this might completely disagree with me and that is fine. You are wrong, but it is your right. And until we acknowledge this and I mean really acknowledge this and go out of our ways to talk about it, and I mean talk about it in ways that make everybody talking uncomfortable we will never be able to solve it. If you are out there and you took the time to read this and think about it, thank you. And if you want to talk about any of it with me please please do.
Tuesday, November 25, 2014
Friday, September 26, 2014
A Love Letter to BASEBALL & DEREK JETER
So I just finished watching the last game DEREK JETER will ever play at yankee stadium. And I am still in tears. And yes it is true that I cry a lot but how can you know be in tears after a performance like the one that I just saw. After 20 years of excellence and doing it all his way DEREK JETER got a walk off single shooting the ball the other way like he has done so many times in his career. This man has been a special player. A player for the ages in any age. I have been on record saying that he is the greatest Yankee in the history of this storied organization and I will never back down from that statement.
But this blog isn't about that. It's about something else entirely. I want to write about BASEBALL and what it means to me. I've actually tried to write this blog 3 times this week, but every time I start I can't seem to keep a thought in my head and I go in every different direction trying to some it all up. JETER, baseball, life.... There really isn't even words or time to express what they all mean but I'm going to do my best and try right now.
Simply put, BASEBALL is the best thing that has ever happened to me. I can say that and mean in 100 percent.
I have never been nor really will I ever be the most confident guy in the room. I mean I've been in the room with the most confident guy in the room so I know what it looks like, but that guy is definitely not me. Now over the years I've learned how to fake it, but there has always been one place where I didn't have to fake it and that was on the baseball field. I'll tell you what, it's the best feeling in the world. To be able to lace them up everyday and know that you have a group of guys counting on you and you're not going to let them down.
The day I knew I could no longer cut it and decided to hang up my cleats was one of the saddest days of my life. It was an inter-squad scrimmage at OU. I was one of the pitchers that was going to pitch that day. I knew before I stepped out of the mound that it was going to be the last time I ever did so. My arm had been hurting me a lot lately and I just didn't have the stuff to keep up with everyone else anymore. I just wasn't good enough. My dad came and watched me and so did my best friend Bryan. I can't remember if I pitched Two or Three innings that day. I do remember I lost a little bit in the last inning, but I didn't give up a run. And I remember when I was done, I knew I was done.
And the game went on, like it has for a hundred years and like it will for a hundred more. Because the game always goes on weather you're Brandon Ponder or DEREK JETER. I remember falling into a great depression when I was done playing and feeling so incredibly lost. The thing that I had done the longest in my life was gone and I had no idea who I was without it. But I got over it like all of us ex ball players do. Not really getting over it at all just finding things to occupy our time until the next spring comes around, and then the next spring, and the next one. Until somewhere down the round it doesn't quite hurt as much.
And I find myself today loving baseball maybe even more than I have in my entire life. This game is magical. It is America's game. I have had great loves in my life, and both of the have ended poorly. The girl who I will not name completely destroyed me, but that is nothing compared to what the other love of my life did to me, BASEBALL. But that love is an undying love that will stand the test of time.
I repeat baseball is the best thing that ever happened to me. It gave me memories with my father that I will cherish for the rest of my life. It gave me friendships that are more like a brotherhood that will never be broken. It gave me a toughness that can never been taken by anyone, a will to know that I can run through a wall if need be. It gave me a romantic heart that beats stronger every day that I am walking this great earth. It gave me a place in the universal when I felt completely out of place.
And you may be reading this and think that the guy writing it is completely bat shit crazy and maybe I am. But I'm pushing 30 years old and I have loved baseball since I was about 5 years old. That is 25 years for all of you out there counting. So if you are reading this ask yourself if there is anything in your life still that you have loved since you were 5 years old? And then ask yourself how can you not be romantic about baseball?
Bryan, Brad, Clayton, Ricky, Nick, Mike, Church, Alyssa, Alan, Cory, Cody, Justin, Cavner, Case, Bill, Don, Randall, Bradon, Tiger, Giblet, Timmy, Jimmy, Chuckie, John, Amy, Kelli, Brynn, Brittani, Cooper, Bo, Newman, JoJo, Hurley, Jenny, Coleen, Kyla, Mike, Miller, and so many so many more. These are just some of the people that baseball has put in my life. Baseball is the best thing that ever happened to me, and I owe everything in my life to it. So on a night like tonight when I get to see DEREK JETER play his last home game at Yankee Stadium and get a walk off single. I know that life is pretty good.
But this blog isn't about that. It's about something else entirely. I want to write about BASEBALL and what it means to me. I've actually tried to write this blog 3 times this week, but every time I start I can't seem to keep a thought in my head and I go in every different direction trying to some it all up. JETER, baseball, life.... There really isn't even words or time to express what they all mean but I'm going to do my best and try right now.
Simply put, BASEBALL is the best thing that has ever happened to me. I can say that and mean in 100 percent.
I have never been nor really will I ever be the most confident guy in the room. I mean I've been in the room with the most confident guy in the room so I know what it looks like, but that guy is definitely not me. Now over the years I've learned how to fake it, but there has always been one place where I didn't have to fake it and that was on the baseball field. I'll tell you what, it's the best feeling in the world. To be able to lace them up everyday and know that you have a group of guys counting on you and you're not going to let them down.
The day I knew I could no longer cut it and decided to hang up my cleats was one of the saddest days of my life. It was an inter-squad scrimmage at OU. I was one of the pitchers that was going to pitch that day. I knew before I stepped out of the mound that it was going to be the last time I ever did so. My arm had been hurting me a lot lately and I just didn't have the stuff to keep up with everyone else anymore. I just wasn't good enough. My dad came and watched me and so did my best friend Bryan. I can't remember if I pitched Two or Three innings that day. I do remember I lost a little bit in the last inning, but I didn't give up a run. And I remember when I was done, I knew I was done.
And the game went on, like it has for a hundred years and like it will for a hundred more. Because the game always goes on weather you're Brandon Ponder or DEREK JETER. I remember falling into a great depression when I was done playing and feeling so incredibly lost. The thing that I had done the longest in my life was gone and I had no idea who I was without it. But I got over it like all of us ex ball players do. Not really getting over it at all just finding things to occupy our time until the next spring comes around, and then the next spring, and the next one. Until somewhere down the round it doesn't quite hurt as much.
And I find myself today loving baseball maybe even more than I have in my entire life. This game is magical. It is America's game. I have had great loves in my life, and both of the have ended poorly. The girl who I will not name completely destroyed me, but that is nothing compared to what the other love of my life did to me, BASEBALL. But that love is an undying love that will stand the test of time.
I repeat baseball is the best thing that ever happened to me. It gave me memories with my father that I will cherish for the rest of my life. It gave me friendships that are more like a brotherhood that will never be broken. It gave me a toughness that can never been taken by anyone, a will to know that I can run through a wall if need be. It gave me a romantic heart that beats stronger every day that I am walking this great earth. It gave me a place in the universal when I felt completely out of place.
And you may be reading this and think that the guy writing it is completely bat shit crazy and maybe I am. But I'm pushing 30 years old and I have loved baseball since I was about 5 years old. That is 25 years for all of you out there counting. So if you are reading this ask yourself if there is anything in your life still that you have loved since you were 5 years old? And then ask yourself how can you not be romantic about baseball?
Bryan, Brad, Clayton, Ricky, Nick, Mike, Church, Alyssa, Alan, Cory, Cody, Justin, Cavner, Case, Bill, Don, Randall, Bradon, Tiger, Giblet, Timmy, Jimmy, Chuckie, John, Amy, Kelli, Brynn, Brittani, Cooper, Bo, Newman, JoJo, Hurley, Jenny, Coleen, Kyla, Mike, Miller, and so many so many more. These are just some of the people that baseball has put in my life. Baseball is the best thing that ever happened to me, and I owe everything in my life to it. So on a night like tonight when I get to see DEREK JETER play his last home game at Yankee Stadium and get a walk off single. I know that life is pretty good.
Thursday, July 24, 2014
BOYHOOD!!!!
By: Brandon K. Ponder
It's been a long time. I shouldn't of left you. Without some dope words to step to. Step to. Step to. And in comes Alyiah with that magical voice. Well maybe not. I hope if you are reading this you get that little delicious 90's reference I just dropped all over you. Now for those of you that are in no mood to take the all that is me in any given blog, well I suggest you stop reading because today I feel like I actually might have something to say. And you all know that I can make of mess of something like that.
So today I watched a movie. Which I guess that is not the most groundbreaking news when it comes to me, but man did I ever see a MOVIE today. If you've read this in the past or you have talked to me before in any kind of detail then you know that Richard Linklater is pretty much my favorite director out there. Now you might be saying to yourself, "But Ponder, you have some many favorite directors/writers/movies, how the hell am I to keep up?" Fair enough, but really this guy makes movies that I am just in ahhhh of and the kind of movies that I want to make. And his latest movie BOYHOOD is no different.
I remember when I first saw the trailer for this movie.....
.... I normally don't do that but I can't leave that trailer for the end of this. I need people, if people even do read this to watch this right away, because for me this movie has been the movie of the year, and quite frankly I do believe that it is a masterpiece. So I would like as many people to see it as possible. Or maybe I don't so that I can feel like I found something special and the rest of you idiots out there have no taste in cinema.
I had been waiting for this movie for over a year now and let me tell you that it delivered on every note that it possibly could and maybe even more. The movie about a boy growing up in Texas dealing with life and the aftermath of his parents divorce for some strange reason hit a little closer to home than I ever thought that it would. (I can be a little slow sometimes) Even though my life happened in such a different way than the kid in this movie I can't help but feel so close to this character. There were scenes in this movie that I literally felt like I was taking a punch right in the gut while watching it.
And like I said I've had such a different experience but in a way so much the same. I watched this movie and I realized something that I guess I have always known or realized for such a long time. My parents divorce has effected me in so many ways that it is really hard to put into words.
Now let me just note that I'm not going to talk about how my parent screwed me up or I blame them for all my shortcoming, no that was probably the Brandon from 3 or 4 years ago. I mean life happens and my parents got divorced. I think they did a pretty good job and I seem to have turned out okay. But I do feel that in the back of my head I will always be screwed when it comes to relationships.
Not that I'm this dating dynamo anyways, but there is this thing that seems to always be there. And that thing that I am talking about is this... My DAD has and will always be my HERO. And I think I will be forever 12 years old pitching to him in the backyard working on throwing strikes. And my MOM, well she's just the greatest woman and for the record possibly the greatest person I've ever known. And if my hero and the greatest person I known can't make it work? Well then let's face it I'm pretty much a lost cause.
And quite frankly I am always secretly routing for my parents to get back together. I remember like a month ago, I lied to my Mom. And not like a white lie, but a she asked me a question but I thought the truth might hurt her feelings or something so I purposely lied to her. I remember all of this because I haven't purposely lied to my mom in I don't even know how long, and I remember after hanging up the phone with her it hurt a little bit.
But before I get to the lie, let me just tell you how I got to the lie. So I have a sister. I love my sister very dearly, but my sister is not someone you can tell things to. Or if you tell her something you have to say Tiffany don't tell anyone I said this, and then really it's still about 50/50. Why do I always forget this? I'll never know.
So we were talking and I thought we were in the cone of secrets and I told her that I think that deep down in my heart I think that mom and dad will someday get back together. Because what can I say, I don't think I can live in a world where I don't think there is a chance for my parents, even after all these years. So of course since I told my sister, it is only natural to assume that she opened her big mouth and told our mother this, because well, my sister has a big mouth.
So now imagine my surprise when I call my mom on the way to work yet another 15 hour day just to say hi because I haven't talked to her in a while and she says, "Brandon, do you think that me and your dad are going to get back together? Because your sister seems to think so." Now of course I think so, because what can I say, I'm a hopeless romantic and who doesn't want their parents to be together. But I'm on my way to work and I don't want to get into it, and more importantly I don't want to hear my mom say that there is never going to be a chance that her and my dad get back together, so I lied to my mother.
Now I have no idea why I just told you that story but somehow I felt that it was relevant. I just had this experience while watching this movie and I started to wonder about all the things that my parents might have given up. I'm getting to do all the things that I want to do, but I worry that maybe they haven't done what they've wanted on the count of me. I mean neither one of them have remarried.
Not to say that there haven't been people in their lives. I mean jesus my dad has brought quite the line-up by in my life, from women that have bought me socks, to women that were only like 4 or 5 years older than me, to whoever. And the number of arcades I went to when I was younger because my mom was dating some guy that was trying to impress me, and my mom knew I liked videogames.
I guess I'm just trying to say how much this movie meant to me. Because as a sometimes introverted guy who often times has a pretty pessimistic view on life that is always in the background watching things, this movie really really hit home. I really want people to see this movie, and also I really want my parents to be has happy as they want to be. I know the second sounds weird but it's the honest truth.
It's been a long time. I shouldn't of left you. Without some dope words to step to. Step to. Step to. And in comes Alyiah with that magical voice. Well maybe not. I hope if you are reading this you get that little delicious 90's reference I just dropped all over you. Now for those of you that are in no mood to take the all that is me in any given blog, well I suggest you stop reading because today I feel like I actually might have something to say. And you all know that I can make of mess of something like that.
So today I watched a movie. Which I guess that is not the most groundbreaking news when it comes to me, but man did I ever see a MOVIE today. If you've read this in the past or you have talked to me before in any kind of detail then you know that Richard Linklater is pretty much my favorite director out there. Now you might be saying to yourself, "But Ponder, you have some many favorite directors/writers/movies, how the hell am I to keep up?" Fair enough, but really this guy makes movies that I am just in ahhhh of and the kind of movies that I want to make. And his latest movie BOYHOOD is no different.
I remember when I first saw the trailer for this movie.....
I had been waiting for this movie for over a year now and let me tell you that it delivered on every note that it possibly could and maybe even more. The movie about a boy growing up in Texas dealing with life and the aftermath of his parents divorce for some strange reason hit a little closer to home than I ever thought that it would. (I can be a little slow sometimes) Even though my life happened in such a different way than the kid in this movie I can't help but feel so close to this character. There were scenes in this movie that I literally felt like I was taking a punch right in the gut while watching it.
And like I said I've had such a different experience but in a way so much the same. I watched this movie and I realized something that I guess I have always known or realized for such a long time. My parents divorce has effected me in so many ways that it is really hard to put into words.
Now let me just note that I'm not going to talk about how my parent screwed me up or I blame them for all my shortcoming, no that was probably the Brandon from 3 or 4 years ago. I mean life happens and my parents got divorced. I think they did a pretty good job and I seem to have turned out okay. But I do feel that in the back of my head I will always be screwed when it comes to relationships.
Not that I'm this dating dynamo anyways, but there is this thing that seems to always be there. And that thing that I am talking about is this... My DAD has and will always be my HERO. And I think I will be forever 12 years old pitching to him in the backyard working on throwing strikes. And my MOM, well she's just the greatest woman and for the record possibly the greatest person I've ever known. And if my hero and the greatest person I known can't make it work? Well then let's face it I'm pretty much a lost cause.
And quite frankly I am always secretly routing for my parents to get back together. I remember like a month ago, I lied to my Mom. And not like a white lie, but a she asked me a question but I thought the truth might hurt her feelings or something so I purposely lied to her. I remember all of this because I haven't purposely lied to my mom in I don't even know how long, and I remember after hanging up the phone with her it hurt a little bit.
But before I get to the lie, let me just tell you how I got to the lie. So I have a sister. I love my sister very dearly, but my sister is not someone you can tell things to. Or if you tell her something you have to say Tiffany don't tell anyone I said this, and then really it's still about 50/50. Why do I always forget this? I'll never know.
So we were talking and I thought we were in the cone of secrets and I told her that I think that deep down in my heart I think that mom and dad will someday get back together. Because what can I say, I don't think I can live in a world where I don't think there is a chance for my parents, even after all these years. So of course since I told my sister, it is only natural to assume that she opened her big mouth and told our mother this, because well, my sister has a big mouth.
So now imagine my surprise when I call my mom on the way to work yet another 15 hour day just to say hi because I haven't talked to her in a while and she says, "Brandon, do you think that me and your dad are going to get back together? Because your sister seems to think so." Now of course I think so, because what can I say, I'm a hopeless romantic and who doesn't want their parents to be together. But I'm on my way to work and I don't want to get into it, and more importantly I don't want to hear my mom say that there is never going to be a chance that her and my dad get back together, so I lied to my mother.
Now I have no idea why I just told you that story but somehow I felt that it was relevant. I just had this experience while watching this movie and I started to wonder about all the things that my parents might have given up. I'm getting to do all the things that I want to do, but I worry that maybe they haven't done what they've wanted on the count of me. I mean neither one of them have remarried.
Not to say that there haven't been people in their lives. I mean jesus my dad has brought quite the line-up by in my life, from women that have bought me socks, to women that were only like 4 or 5 years older than me, to whoever. And the number of arcades I went to when I was younger because my mom was dating some guy that was trying to impress me, and my mom knew I liked videogames.
I guess I'm just trying to say how much this movie meant to me. Because as a sometimes introverted guy who often times has a pretty pessimistic view on life that is always in the background watching things, this movie really really hit home. I really want people to see this movie, and also I really want my parents to be has happy as they want to be. I know the second sounds weird but it's the honest truth.
Friday, June 13, 2014
I'll Give it a YEAR!
Tonight I am dog tired. I've been up on my feet all day, and after a long day of working I drove a co-worker home and it probably took me an hour longer to get home than it normally would have. And tomorrow I have to do it all over again. I know if you are reading this you can't see me, but if you could you would probably be wondering why the hell does this guy have such a big smile on his face?
It is because on a night like tonight I feel damn near untouchable. And that my friends in not a feeling I am or ever have been use to feeling. I think that it is nothing but the best of signs that on my second day of filming a nickelodeon kids show were I get to work with one of my very best friends in the whole world I will have made it ONE YEAR in L.A. It really is a dream come true. I'm so happy I want to cry and for those of you that know me might actually think that I am even though I'm not.
Today Me and Cooper got to joke around about some of the craziest things that happened in the course of this day and I was working on a studio lot with John C. Reilly. This is something that I never really thought could happen, but I was there and it did. I really want to be writing coherent thoughts right now, but my mind seems to be going ever which way right now. So let me just start from the beginning.
Four years ago, I had no idea I would be in the place that I am today. And three years ago I was on the verge of giving up. And I'm not exaggerating, I had almost completely given up on myself and on life in general. I thought that I wasn't a person that good things were going to happen to. I put myself in a prison of my own doing and I was locked in there and I was dying.
Which brings me to my movie reference. I love The Shawshank Redemption. If you have known me for any amount of time then you will know that one of my favorite quotes is "Get busy livin' or get busy dyin'". There is something about it so true and honest that it just gets me every time. For those of you that haven't seen the movie, let me be the first to say, "Go jump off a bridge." I mean really just right off the tallest one you can find.
This movie is about prison and about hope and the human spirit. And even though it takes place in a physical prison there is something to be said about the way that we all sometimes hold ourselves hostage in a prison of our own doing. My prison has been and forever will be self-doubt. And there is something to be said about never giving up hope and lasting just long enough to break yourself out of that prison.
When me and my dad jumped into my car with all of my worldly belonging and headed on our journey across country, that was me crawling through my 4 football fields of shit and coming out clean on the other side was L.A. I've gotten the chance to see and do things that I never would have imagined and every single day this city blows my mind in some ways.
But that is not to say that this has all been some easy fairy tale, because really it has been far from it. I've struggled and I've had to move and I've doubted myself and I've spent some sleepless nights up worrying since I've been here. And I've missed my friend and family like crazy. This has been one of the hardest years of my life. And I'm so thankful for every second of it.
I didn't know if I had "IT" in me. I didn't know if I had that thing that would push through anything and that I could make it anywhere. I've been held up so much by my family and my friends I didn't know if I could make it out here on my own. But I did it. In a city that can be very unforgiving and can be very isolating at times. And honestly I feel like because of it I can do anything in life, and I'm not really worried about the next step or if I'm going to be okay, because I already am.
I had built up a million reasons to stay in Oklahoma and why it wasn't a good idea for me to come out here, but I'm so glad that I finally stepped up grew a pair and came out here. Somebody shared a Jim Carrey speech with me on Facebook and hearing him talk felt like looking into a mirror. He said and I am paraphrasing, "You can fail at something you don't want, so you might as well take a chance at something you love." I think there have been no truer words spoken and I'm glad I took a chance on something that I love.
I don't know yet where my life is going to take me. I've been to some interesting places along the way so far, but the future is wide open. And just tonight somebody text me and without even knowing made me remember..."There is a tide in the affairs of men. Which, taken at the flood, leads on to fortune; Omitted all the voyage of their life is bound in shallows and miseries. On such a full sea are we now afloat. And we must take the current when it serves, or lose the ventures before us."
I'm proud of myself as a man for one of the first times in my life, and I believe that my father is genuinely proud of me as a man as well. I remember once he said something to me that always stuck. He said the only thing that comes to a sleeper is a dream. Just another nugget of wisdom from the mouth of Chris Ponder. And I think he is 100 percent correct, but I'm here tonight telling all of you guys that the life that you want. The life that you are struggling to find or the one you think is out of reach. It's not, it is right there for you. You just have to WAKE UP AND GO GET IT.
P.S. For all of those that believe in me when I didn't believe in myself(and you all know who you are) I don't have much to give and maybe I never will, but all that I have and all that I ever will have and especially this year is for YOU.
Wednesday, May 28, 2014
Long days are the Best days
So it's the Tuesday after a long weekend, and here I am just now leaving work after being on the job for 14 hours. And as tired and sometimes as frustrated as I've been today, I can't shake this smile off of my face. I'll tell you one thing this sure as hell beats a long day of working on a roof. And I'm not saying that there is anything wrong with working on a roof. Some of my days of feel the most accomplished I've felt in my life came on the last day of work on a the roof, when you get to see what you've done, and you know somebody is not going to have to worry about the rain because of the work you've done.
Anyway I'm tired as hell, but I'm doing what I want to do. I'm getting to work with a group of people that have all come together to make a television show. And where just a year ago there was no such program on television, in just a couple of months I will be a small part of making that program exist. That's a pretty great feeling if you ask me. And icing on the cake, i get to do it with one of my best friends. You just can't write stories as good as this one.
I would say that I'm living the American Dream, but sadly I think the American Dream these days deals with a lot more money and a lot less self respect. (oh Brandon don't go down that black hole, nobody wants to hear you on your soap box) So maybe it's not the American Dream, but maybe it's better to say that I'm living my Parent's Dream. The dream that all their hard work and working endless amounts of jobs would lead to a much easier life for me. So that I might follow my dreams and never really look back.
I guess to say that I am extremely happy with my life right now would be a huge understatement. I still have to pinch myself sometimes. Transition to something else right now. And of course that something else is a movie.
This weekend I went and saw three movies. Godzilla, X-Men, and Chef. They were all really good movies, but if you are reading this right now. I want you to take heed of this advice. Go out and see the movie Chef. If you want to feel good, if you want to be satisfied, if you want a movie that has a great story and gets right to the point, please go see this movie. It is just a wonderful movie, and if I were to be honest with you all it has been my favorite movie that I've seen this year. And let me just say that the one scene with Robert Downey Jr. is worth the price of admission alone. And that is my movie moment for today. I am kind of proud of myself for keeping it short and sweet.
I'm getting off of here because I'm tired and I'm done keeping you here. But before I go let me just say two things. (1) Get ready for another story of one of my legendary friends in my next blog. (2) This is the beginning of a story. Maybe it's the beginning of my story I don't know yet, but I'm gonna let you see it........
.... I owe everything I am in this world to luck. Now that might seem like a strange thing to say but it’s true. The man that I am, the man that I have been by in large has all been do to luck. Now the strange thing about luck is that it is always floating around out there, and at any given moment of time it is waiting to turn. Sometimes for the better, and then of course there is the worse.
Anyway I'm tired as hell, but I'm doing what I want to do. I'm getting to work with a group of people that have all come together to make a television show. And where just a year ago there was no such program on television, in just a couple of months I will be a small part of making that program exist. That's a pretty great feeling if you ask me. And icing on the cake, i get to do it with one of my best friends. You just can't write stories as good as this one.
I would say that I'm living the American Dream, but sadly I think the American Dream these days deals with a lot more money and a lot less self respect. (oh Brandon don't go down that black hole, nobody wants to hear you on your soap box) So maybe it's not the American Dream, but maybe it's better to say that I'm living my Parent's Dream. The dream that all their hard work and working endless amounts of jobs would lead to a much easier life for me. So that I might follow my dreams and never really look back.
I guess to say that I am extremely happy with my life right now would be a huge understatement. I still have to pinch myself sometimes. Transition to something else right now. And of course that something else is a movie.
This weekend I went and saw three movies. Godzilla, X-Men, and Chef. They were all really good movies, but if you are reading this right now. I want you to take heed of this advice. Go out and see the movie Chef. If you want to feel good, if you want to be satisfied, if you want a movie that has a great story and gets right to the point, please go see this movie. It is just a wonderful movie, and if I were to be honest with you all it has been my favorite movie that I've seen this year. And let me just say that the one scene with Robert Downey Jr. is worth the price of admission alone. And that is my movie moment for today. I am kind of proud of myself for keeping it short and sweet.
I'm getting off of here because I'm tired and I'm done keeping you here. But before I go let me just say two things. (1) Get ready for another story of one of my legendary friends in my next blog. (2) This is the beginning of a story. Maybe it's the beginning of my story I don't know yet, but I'm gonna let you see it........
.... I owe everything I am in this world to luck. Now that might seem like a strange thing to say but it’s true. The man that I am, the man that I have been by in large has all been do to luck. Now the strange thing about luck is that it is always floating around out there, and at any given moment of time it is waiting to turn. Sometimes for the better, and then of course there is the worse.
Like most people in this world I never really cared that much or thought about luck. I counted myself as the particularly unlucky type by and large. Not that I had the world’s worst luck, just that I never really had too much good luck in my life. I wasn’t the guy that found money on the street. I wasn’t the guy that bumps into a beautiful girl by happenstance and then has coffee with her. But really that kind of stuff never much interested me. When you don’t have a chance to think about it, to think about the good luck and the bad, and the way things turn out you never really know what it is you’re missing. So keeping my mind, body, and soul busy has always been at the forefront of things. Because once you understand the factor that luck plays in your everyday ordinary life. Once you realize that your life is one lucky break from going on way or another. the truth is that you will never be the same.
This is the story of that lucky or unlucky break. I guess it’s really all a matter of perspective, like so many other fucking things in this world. Glass half empty or full, grass is always greener bullshit.
Friday, May 16, 2014
The GETTY!!!!!
Being proud of the life you are living is something that is very important. I personally know this because it feels like for the better part of the last five years that was not the case for me. I don't really know why I decided to start this post out like that but to say that if I say nothing else. If you read this and take nothing else from me that would be the one thing I want anybody to take.
It took a big chance, some help and love from so many people, and quiet a bit of loneliness but I am doing just that. At this very moment I am so proud of the life that I am living. And I wake up thinking that this all has to be a dream. I've wanted to write about this pretty much since the moment I left the building but to be completely honest with you I just didn't have the words.
Last Saturday Me and Cooper went to the Getty Museum. I've been to museums before, but none on this level. I'm trying to process it all with my mind right now, but I do not know if I'll ever be able to do so.
A little while ago, I decided I was going to broaden my horizons and get some kind of knowledge about art. It always seemed to be one of the frontiers that I should be all about but I just never got into it. And with the help of a dear friend of mine, one AMY MILLER and a couple of art books, my art education began. When I first started reading the books that she had sent me I found it hard to get into. I saw these works in the book, but I just couldn't quite connect with them.
But the funny thing is the more I read about these different pieces and stared at this different works in the books that she game me the more I began to think about art. I remember having very vivid dreams about some of the pieces that I had been looking at in my books and I would spend a good portion of the next day trying to figure out what it all meant. And even though I was beginning to have all of these different thoughts I still had not really been up close and seen some of these works that I had read about, but that was all about to change.
I stood in front of a Monet. I stood in front of the painting that was said to have started the impressionism movement and I was completely blown away. I got lost in the painting trying to study ever subtle detail. And then I stood on the other side of the room and looked at that same painting and was completely blown away by what I saw. I will try my best to leave something of value behind to this world when I die, but I know that it will be nothing compared to some of the great and beautiful pieces that I got to experience. And I say experience because that was exactly what it was, and experience.
I was in a room named the Rembrandt room, and I got to look at famous pieces that I've seen in books and in various pop art. And it was really me. I was so close I could touch them. That places like this even exist just blow my mind. And that every person in America is getting up and trying to get to these places equally blows my mind. Stared at a Jackson Pollock mural for almost 30 minutes. The colors, the shapes, the images... I was completely and utterly mesmerized. I can't quite put my finger on what exactly I felt staring at that mural, but there was something inside me that was burning up. I was completely lost in the beauty of it all. And at that moment I realized just why people pay so much for art.
I stared at that mural for about a half hour and I promise you I could have stared at it for 30 more hours without breaking a sweat. The crazy thing about going to the Getty is that within a blink of an eye three hours had past and I felt like I hadn't seen anything. As much as I had already seen I felt like it wasn't enough and I needed three more hours to study everything more. And yes my brain was completely overloaded, but I didn't care. Hell I don't know how many more days in the world I will get like that one, but I'm going to make it my life's mission to get as many as humanly possible.
I know there are a lot of things on TV to watch, and I spend more time than most in front of my TV. After all if I'm not in front of it who will watch all the pretty picture shows? But don't do that this weekend. This weekend go out to a museum, or to a play, or just go downtown and look at some of the wonderful architecture of your city. Put some things in your life that are going to elevate your mind, body, and soul. And I know the Thunder are playing right now, but honestly this is better. Believe me it is so much better. Tonight I watched the thunder beat the LA Clippers, and I loved every minute of it. (On a side note Blake Griffin can write in his diary tonight today was the saddest day of my life getting beat by the Thunder, not to be confused with the luckiest day of my life. That day of course being the day my buddy stole to vodka from that tailgate and that guy Brandon Ponder decided not to whip my ass) Anyway, this game has nothing on what I saw last Saturday, doesn't eve hold a candle.
I don't know what else to say but this... There are important things out there in the world. Important things created by people long ago and some by people not so long ago, and it would be a damn shame that you missed out on all of that because you are sitting at home numbing your brain in front of a TV. Thank you so much Cooper Hagedorn and thank you so very much Amy Miller.
Monday, April 7, 2014
Broken Dreams
By: Brandon K. Ponder
I remember it all as if it were yesterday. Suppose to be asleep but never really being able to get to my dreams. I thought it was all a game, I'd stay awake peering around the corner trying to watch the end of whatever movie I wasn't suppose to be watching. I'd sit on the floor as quiet as I could, but never quiet enough. Scampering back into bed when my parents heard me, my eyes squeezed tightly shut when they came to check on me. They knew I couldn't possibly be asleep especially with the rye smile on my face as I faked it. But they never said anything as they let me go on thinking myself to be a clever boy.
I remember it all as if it were yesterday. Suppose to be asleep but never really being able to get to my dreams. I thought it was all a game, but then again the games that I remembered didn't involve this much screaming. I didn't know the words that were being spoken only that I had never heard my parents speak them before. I sat right outside their door listening intently, never really understanding the magnitude of it all. And when I couldn't quite hear them anymore I pressed my ear up against the door bumping it just enough to let them know someone was outside. I scampered back to bed because I know my parents heard me, my eyes squeezed tightly shut when they came to check on me. they knew I couldn't possibly be asleep, but there was no rye smile on my face this time as I faked it. Because I knew that it wasn't a game anymore.
I remember it all as if it were yesterday. Suppose to be asleep but never really being able to get to my dreams. I thought it was all a game, but there is no more peering around corners to watch movies and no more listening outside my parents room. For the house has gone silent and I lay in bed at night tossing and turning knowing but really not knowing what is to come.
I remember it all as if it were yesterday. Suppose to be asleep but never really being able to get to my dreams. I thought it was all a game, I'd stay awake peering around the corner trying to watch the end of whatever movie I wasn't suppose to be watching. I'd sit on the floor as quiet as I could, but never quiet enough. Scampering back into bed when my parents heard me, my eyes squeezed tightly shut when they came to check on me. They knew I couldn't possibly be asleep especially with the rye smile on my face as I faked it. But they never said anything as they let me go on thinking myself to be a clever boy.
I remember it all as if it were yesterday. Suppose to be asleep but never really being able to get to my dreams. I thought it was all a game, but then again the games that I remembered didn't involve this much screaming. I didn't know the words that were being spoken only that I had never heard my parents speak them before. I sat right outside their door listening intently, never really understanding the magnitude of it all. And when I couldn't quite hear them anymore I pressed my ear up against the door bumping it just enough to let them know someone was outside. I scampered back to bed because I know my parents heard me, my eyes squeezed tightly shut when they came to check on me. they knew I couldn't possibly be asleep, but there was no rye smile on my face this time as I faked it. Because I knew that it wasn't a game anymore.
I remember it all as if it were yesterday. Suppose to be asleep but never really being able to get to my dreams. I thought it was all a game, but there is no more peering around corners to watch movies and no more listening outside my parents room. For the house has gone silent and I lay in bed at night tossing and turning knowing but really not knowing what is to come.
Thursday, March 13, 2014
JOHN CODY MERRILL... but seriously It's CODY JACK MERRELL
By: Brandon Ponder
So I feel that it has been just enough time that I haven't posted something so that you might be excited that I am back, but you haven't given up on me completely. Now if that is or isn't the case I will never know, but I like to live in the land of the wool being pulled over my eyes so as the Joker would say... Here. We. Go.
I feel that maybe this whole experiment that I have been doing with this blog has been a little bit flat lately. I didn't feel the punch or the inspiration in it that I had felt earlier. So I decided to give it some time and like magic I found a topic that I wanted to discuss.
I was putting my desk together in Cloud City this weekend and dealing with the overall pain in the ass that comes with moving and readjusting your life the way that you want it. And when I was done with the process and I looked around at my books on the shelves in my desk, records set up under my nightstand, pictures of friends and family set up in my window, computer on my desk, and record player beside it waiting for the next bit of vinyl and I got this overwhelming feeling of actually being an adult.
So as an adult I have finally found something to write about. I want to write about my friends. I want to write about my friends and all of there awesomeness. I think that my friends are all legends and for the moment I am interested in telling these stories. So whenever I am struck by something I'm going to get on here and write it down.
The first person on my list is none other than JOHN CODY MERRILL. I know that's not his name or even how it is spelled but to tell you the truth that is another story that we will have to get into on another day. Today I want to talk about my Favorite CODY "Mad Dog" MERRELL story. The story that I would say pretty much makes him a legend.
Now if you know Cody and have ever seen him play baseball you probably know just how intense this man is. The type of intensity that can be matched by no one and the only kind of guy that you want on your team. And that my friends is exactly where this story starts. Because only a man of this kind of intensity could be involved in a story this legendary.
It starts with a road trip. We had been in college for years now and Cody had been playing down at Texas State for almost as long. We hadn't made the trip for whatever reason, but somehow the stars alined and we decided to make that six and a half hour road trip to the golden city of San Marcos, Texas. And since that trip this city have been referred to by a different name by all of those who took the journey. We like to call it San Marvelous.
We of course call it that because that is exactly the kind of time we had while we were down there. I don't want to go into the whole trip, because that is a different blog entirely. But what I will say is that this trip brought us TKE TKERSON, a 1000 dollar bag of money on the river, A group of grown men sitting on a bench pissing down a hill because they were too drunk to get up, and a Don Powers passed out on the toilet of a public bathroom. This is the only city until about three years ago that continued to beat me, as in every time I went down there I couldn't make it pass the first night.
The story that I am about to tell you is all about the first night of the first time I ever made it down to the wonderful town of San Marcos.... As we rolled into the city from our long 6 hour drive Me, Cory, Don, and Cooper (the usual suspects) already felt the vibe of a place that we had never quite been before. A place were there is no classes on Friday, and students walked around campus in board shorts and bikinis like it was no big deal. Everyone seemed to have no were to go and nothing to do but lay out in the sun or find the closes body of water to float in with a beer in their hand. I must admit at that very moment that we first pulled into town I have the distinct feeling that if I died at that exact point in my life that is exactly what heaven or my heaven would have been like. I even believe that there was some misguided soul in that very car that said, "This is where pussy comes to get fucked!" I know pretty graphic, who's the asshole that said that? That would in fact be me. What can I say, I am a silver tongue devil.
I know at this point I'm getting a little long winded but you know but you know but bare with me just a little longer because I want to give this story it's due, and more importantly I want to give CODY his.
That first day was kind of a blur when we got into town, but I do know that there was quite a bit of drinking involved. Now that night we headed out to take on "The Square". If you are familiar with college campuses then you know all about the area of the college designated for bars and college students to go out and get wasted. OU has "Campus Corner", Texas has "6th street", OSU has... well who really give a shit what OSU has.(O-State Burn) And Texas State, well they have "The Square".
Anyway, so we all go out to The Square and let the games begin. I don't know if you out there reading this know this or not. I mean I'm sure that you probably do, but I'm going to go ahead and say it anyway. My group of friends, when we all get together, we don't ever take things slow. There is only one speed that we like to go and it's with the pedal all the way to the floor. It's the reason I spent my last visit throwing up for six hours at a tailgate in a santa suite. But really and truly I don't think I would have it any other way.
Our night and this really and truly begins when we all made it to this wonderful bar that they call Nephews. Everyone around that I was with called it Phews for short. I always wondered what the college life was, and if in fact I was getting the full experience. And within about 5 minutes of being inside of Nephews I knew that I was not.
For starters it was an all out party. And the next thing is that if I'm not mistaken it was 3 dollar you call it all night. That's right folks I was drinking Goose and Juice or Jack and Coke or whatever else was there for just 3 dollars. To say that we all got a little sideways would be a vase understatement. I was having the time of my life and I'm pretty sure that everyone there was right with me.
Now the crazy and great thing about Texas State at the time was that all the bars closed at well if I'm not mistaken it was Midnight. Now this may sound crazy, I actually thought so myself, but the great thing about the bars closing at midnight is that you can go out and tie on a serious buzz and then after the bars close when your are good and sauced you leave and then it's house party time. Which I must say is so very awesome.
Now I really haven't mentioned him that much until this point but one JOHN CODY MERRILL had been our tour guide to this awesome night and at the time he had a long flowing head of blonde hair that just so happened to be in a bandana on this very night. I also must say that at this time in pop culture the movie Wedding Crashers was still very relevant. And if you know the movie then you know the montage scene where the song Shout is playing and they are popping champagne and hopping in and out of bed with women.
And at this point in time at the end of the night Nephews would play this song an epic farewell to all the patrons of the bar for the night. Cody had told us about this and how awesome that it was. What he didn't tell us is that fact that what we were all about to see was a legendary event that I haven't seen since and to be honest I doubt will ever happen again.
Even now looking back writing about it event I still cant quite believe that it all happened or that I was even there. I kind of feel like it was a moment out of a movie or even a dream to be quite honest. The song came on and everyone in the bar absolutely went nuts. There was beer going everywhere and people were jumping up and down with total joy. Like if this was their last day, last hour, last song on earth they would be completely happy.
And as beer was spewing everywhere and we were all jumping up and down I rolled my damn ankle. And let me tell you it hurt like a son of a bitch, but I couldn't stop jumping up and down and enjoying myself. And as the song comes to an end and the music turns down who do I see but none other than CODY MERRELL standing on a table and he begins to lead the entire bar in the school fight song. And as he yelled out, "EAT EM UUUUPPPP!" the rest of the bar yells back, "CATS!!!!!!" and then came the chant. "EAT EM UP, EAT EM UP!!!" and the rest of the bar yelled back "GO CATS GO!!!". and this went on for a little bit and as I stood there in amazement as one of my best friends lead an entire bar in a chant I thought to myself that there was no way that this moment could get any better.
Then the chant was over and the music kicked back on and I saw something that I thought was only reserved for rockstars. And maybe it is and maybe just maybe my friend Cody Merrell is a rockstar. Because at that moment I saw Cody Merrell jump off of the table that he was standing on and into the crowd were he crowd surf and when he was finally dropped down on the floor he game the most awesome head bang that I have ever seen in my life. His blonde hair was going everywhere and in that moment I knew that this guy. This guy that I called a friend, a teammate, even a brother... Well this guy, this guy that I'm talking about, this guy Cody Merrell, well he is in fact a LEGEND.
For Cody: a Man's Man
So I feel that it has been just enough time that I haven't posted something so that you might be excited that I am back, but you haven't given up on me completely. Now if that is or isn't the case I will never know, but I like to live in the land of the wool being pulled over my eyes so as the Joker would say... Here. We. Go.
I feel that maybe this whole experiment that I have been doing with this blog has been a little bit flat lately. I didn't feel the punch or the inspiration in it that I had felt earlier. So I decided to give it some time and like magic I found a topic that I wanted to discuss.
I was putting my desk together in Cloud City this weekend and dealing with the overall pain in the ass that comes with moving and readjusting your life the way that you want it. And when I was done with the process and I looked around at my books on the shelves in my desk, records set up under my nightstand, pictures of friends and family set up in my window, computer on my desk, and record player beside it waiting for the next bit of vinyl and I got this overwhelming feeling of actually being an adult.
So as an adult I have finally found something to write about. I want to write about my friends. I want to write about my friends and all of there awesomeness. I think that my friends are all legends and for the moment I am interested in telling these stories. So whenever I am struck by something I'm going to get on here and write it down.
The first person on my list is none other than JOHN CODY MERRILL. I know that's not his name or even how it is spelled but to tell you the truth that is another story that we will have to get into on another day. Today I want to talk about my Favorite CODY "Mad Dog" MERRELL story. The story that I would say pretty much makes him a legend.
Now if you know Cody and have ever seen him play baseball you probably know just how intense this man is. The type of intensity that can be matched by no one and the only kind of guy that you want on your team. And that my friends is exactly where this story starts. Because only a man of this kind of intensity could be involved in a story this legendary.
It starts with a road trip. We had been in college for years now and Cody had been playing down at Texas State for almost as long. We hadn't made the trip for whatever reason, but somehow the stars alined and we decided to make that six and a half hour road trip to the golden city of San Marcos, Texas. And since that trip this city have been referred to by a different name by all of those who took the journey. We like to call it San Marvelous.
We of course call it that because that is exactly the kind of time we had while we were down there. I don't want to go into the whole trip, because that is a different blog entirely. But what I will say is that this trip brought us TKE TKERSON, a 1000 dollar bag of money on the river, A group of grown men sitting on a bench pissing down a hill because they were too drunk to get up, and a Don Powers passed out on the toilet of a public bathroom. This is the only city until about three years ago that continued to beat me, as in every time I went down there I couldn't make it pass the first night.
The story that I am about to tell you is all about the first night of the first time I ever made it down to the wonderful town of San Marcos.... As we rolled into the city from our long 6 hour drive Me, Cory, Don, and Cooper (the usual suspects) already felt the vibe of a place that we had never quite been before. A place were there is no classes on Friday, and students walked around campus in board shorts and bikinis like it was no big deal. Everyone seemed to have no were to go and nothing to do but lay out in the sun or find the closes body of water to float in with a beer in their hand. I must admit at that very moment that we first pulled into town I have the distinct feeling that if I died at that exact point in my life that is exactly what heaven or my heaven would have been like. I even believe that there was some misguided soul in that very car that said, "This is where pussy comes to get fucked!" I know pretty graphic, who's the asshole that said that? That would in fact be me. What can I say, I am a silver tongue devil.
I know at this point I'm getting a little long winded but you know but you know but bare with me just a little longer because I want to give this story it's due, and more importantly I want to give CODY his.
That first day was kind of a blur when we got into town, but I do know that there was quite a bit of drinking involved. Now that night we headed out to take on "The Square". If you are familiar with college campuses then you know all about the area of the college designated for bars and college students to go out and get wasted. OU has "Campus Corner", Texas has "6th street", OSU has... well who really give a shit what OSU has.(O-State Burn) And Texas State, well they have "The Square".
Anyway, so we all go out to The Square and let the games begin. I don't know if you out there reading this know this or not. I mean I'm sure that you probably do, but I'm going to go ahead and say it anyway. My group of friends, when we all get together, we don't ever take things slow. There is only one speed that we like to go and it's with the pedal all the way to the floor. It's the reason I spent my last visit throwing up for six hours at a tailgate in a santa suite. But really and truly I don't think I would have it any other way.
Our night and this really and truly begins when we all made it to this wonderful bar that they call Nephews. Everyone around that I was with called it Phews for short. I always wondered what the college life was, and if in fact I was getting the full experience. And within about 5 minutes of being inside of Nephews I knew that I was not.
For starters it was an all out party. And the next thing is that if I'm not mistaken it was 3 dollar you call it all night. That's right folks I was drinking Goose and Juice or Jack and Coke or whatever else was there for just 3 dollars. To say that we all got a little sideways would be a vase understatement. I was having the time of my life and I'm pretty sure that everyone there was right with me.
Now the crazy and great thing about Texas State at the time was that all the bars closed at well if I'm not mistaken it was Midnight. Now this may sound crazy, I actually thought so myself, but the great thing about the bars closing at midnight is that you can go out and tie on a serious buzz and then after the bars close when your are good and sauced you leave and then it's house party time. Which I must say is so very awesome.
Now I really haven't mentioned him that much until this point but one JOHN CODY MERRILL had been our tour guide to this awesome night and at the time he had a long flowing head of blonde hair that just so happened to be in a bandana on this very night. I also must say that at this time in pop culture the movie Wedding Crashers was still very relevant. And if you know the movie then you know the montage scene where the song Shout is playing and they are popping champagne and hopping in and out of bed with women.
And at this point in time at the end of the night Nephews would play this song an epic farewell to all the patrons of the bar for the night. Cody had told us about this and how awesome that it was. What he didn't tell us is that fact that what we were all about to see was a legendary event that I haven't seen since and to be honest I doubt will ever happen again.
Even now looking back writing about it event I still cant quite believe that it all happened or that I was even there. I kind of feel like it was a moment out of a movie or even a dream to be quite honest. The song came on and everyone in the bar absolutely went nuts. There was beer going everywhere and people were jumping up and down with total joy. Like if this was their last day, last hour, last song on earth they would be completely happy.
And as beer was spewing everywhere and we were all jumping up and down I rolled my damn ankle. And let me tell you it hurt like a son of a bitch, but I couldn't stop jumping up and down and enjoying myself. And as the song comes to an end and the music turns down who do I see but none other than CODY MERRELL standing on a table and he begins to lead the entire bar in the school fight song. And as he yelled out, "EAT EM UUUUPPPP!" the rest of the bar yells back, "CATS!!!!!!" and then came the chant. "EAT EM UP, EAT EM UP!!!" and the rest of the bar yelled back "GO CATS GO!!!". and this went on for a little bit and as I stood there in amazement as one of my best friends lead an entire bar in a chant I thought to myself that there was no way that this moment could get any better.
Then the chant was over and the music kicked back on and I saw something that I thought was only reserved for rockstars. And maybe it is and maybe just maybe my friend Cody Merrell is a rockstar. Because at that moment I saw Cody Merrell jump off of the table that he was standing on and into the crowd were he crowd surf and when he was finally dropped down on the floor he game the most awesome head bang that I have ever seen in my life. His blonde hair was going everywhere and in that moment I knew that this guy. This guy that I called a friend, a teammate, even a brother... Well this guy, this guy that I'm talking about, this guy Cody Merrell, well he is in fact a LEGEND.
For Cody: a Man's Man
Friday, February 21, 2014
I've made it to the CREDITS
by: Brandon Ponder
Tonight I can hardly sit still, I find that I can barely hold a thought in my head, or even finish a sentence. There is a sort of excitement or joy that is radiating throughout my entire body. And although I know this post is going to be short and sweet I wanted to write it down anyway. I wanted to always remember how I felt tonight, even if it means I'll be tired tomorrow.
Tonight I went and watched a movie. Normally this would be business as usually, because I watch a lot of movies on a lot of different nights. But tonight it was different. I got to watch a movie that I actually worked on. I was there to see how the sausage was made and tonight I got to see how it tastes. And I have to say I think that it just moved to #1 on my list of life moments.
I could sit here and give you a movie critique of Camp X-Ray. I could tell you all the things I liked and all the things I didn't. I could tell you about the music and the camera work. But that isn't what this post is about. I'll leave that for another time. I'll simply tell you that tonight I got to sit in a movie theater and at the end of the movie when the credits rolled I got to see my name BRANDON PONDER right there in the credits.
I've hit a few home runs in my day and I've through 1 no hitter in my life. And this was right up there with those moments, but even better. I know that I was only and intern on this project, but I tell you I will always remember that feeling in that theater. Feeling like I was a part of something so much bigger than myself. And that thing that I was a part of felt like magic. I was a part of a magical experience.
And I tell you I don't know if I'll ever be able to sleep again. By the time I was out of the movie I knew it was too late to call anyone back home, but luckily for me I got to call my best friend who is unluckily working the night shift right now and I got to tell him all about it and that meant a whole hell of a lot to me.
After the movie everyone went to a bar to celebrate, but I just couldn't do it. I was too pumped up to be confined in the space of a bar. I had to hit the road and drive. I had to feel the wind on my face and take in this magical city that in only 8 months has made a dream of mine come true. A city that has welcomed me with open arms in every way. A city that I am in the mist of a deep love affair with.
This moment was very big for me. And I will take this moment and keep it close to me. And when I'm feeling down or I'm feeling like I'm less than I will take this moment out and chew on it for a bit just so I can have this taste in my mouth again. Tonight was a very big night for me. So for those that doubted me I would like to say, "Take that!" And for everyone else I would like to say, THANK YOU!
Tonight I can hardly sit still, I find that I can barely hold a thought in my head, or even finish a sentence. There is a sort of excitement or joy that is radiating throughout my entire body. And although I know this post is going to be short and sweet I wanted to write it down anyway. I wanted to always remember how I felt tonight, even if it means I'll be tired tomorrow.
Tonight I went and watched a movie. Normally this would be business as usually, because I watch a lot of movies on a lot of different nights. But tonight it was different. I got to watch a movie that I actually worked on. I was there to see how the sausage was made and tonight I got to see how it tastes. And I have to say I think that it just moved to #1 on my list of life moments.
I could sit here and give you a movie critique of Camp X-Ray. I could tell you all the things I liked and all the things I didn't. I could tell you about the music and the camera work. But that isn't what this post is about. I'll leave that for another time. I'll simply tell you that tonight I got to sit in a movie theater and at the end of the movie when the credits rolled I got to see my name BRANDON PONDER right there in the credits.
I've hit a few home runs in my day and I've through 1 no hitter in my life. And this was right up there with those moments, but even better. I know that I was only and intern on this project, but I tell you I will always remember that feeling in that theater. Feeling like I was a part of something so much bigger than myself. And that thing that I was a part of felt like magic. I was a part of a magical experience.
And I tell you I don't know if I'll ever be able to sleep again. By the time I was out of the movie I knew it was too late to call anyone back home, but luckily for me I got to call my best friend who is unluckily working the night shift right now and I got to tell him all about it and that meant a whole hell of a lot to me.
After the movie everyone went to a bar to celebrate, but I just couldn't do it. I was too pumped up to be confined in the space of a bar. I had to hit the road and drive. I had to feel the wind on my face and take in this magical city that in only 8 months has made a dream of mine come true. A city that has welcomed me with open arms in every way. A city that I am in the mist of a deep love affair with.
This moment was very big for me. And I will take this moment and keep it close to me. And when I'm feeling down or I'm feeling like I'm less than I will take this moment out and chew on it for a bit just so I can have this taste in my mouth again. Tonight was a very big night for me. So for those that doubted me I would like to say, "Take that!" And for everyone else I would like to say, THANK YOU!
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