Your Daily Dose

I had a thought just know, and me being the person that I am I just had to get on here and share it with everybody, and by everybody I mean the one or to poor pathetic souls that actually indulge me and read this... By the way, thank you. But the thought that I had in my head was this, whatever you're doing at this very minute, stop. Stop whatever it is that you are doing in your life right now at this second and take a deep breath... Have you done it yet? Now put in a good movie or a television series that you love to watch and watch it. Get lost in the reality of some make believe people for an hour or two. It will give you the time that you might need to re-adjust, or it will just give you an hour or two of entertainment. Believe me you need it. You need to stop every once in a while and breath, because the things that you think are so unbelievably important right now, may not be after watching Chasing Amy, or Good Will Hunting, or You Don't Mess with the Zohan. So that is my wonderful advice for today. I hope that you take it.

Wonder what the world with think of me?

When I'm dead, I wonder what the world will think of me? This is a question that troubles me most of the days of my life. And like most of the days this very day that question has been on my brain. I wonder what they will say when I'm gone. If anybody will say anything or if time will pass over me like dust in the wind. It kind of seems like a stupid thing to think about but to some extent that is all that I ever think about. I mean with so many people out there doing so many different things that mean so much to the world and to so many people, where exactly do I fit in? Or do I really even fit in? Or will I just become another former hippie current yuppie spoon feeding the masses the same old shit that everyone else has been. Will I become that person that had a great idea once but gave it all up because hey this is life I have to sacrifice that to have to picketed fence and the two car garage with the wife and kids living the life that someone else always wanted. Because I was too afraid to ever be anything other than ordinary.

But even so, do I actually even have a great idea in me, or is this all just bullshit that I am talking for no apparent reason. I think that just might be the case some days, but then other days I seem to be totally inspired by everything. I wonder if there will been even one person that feels about me the way that I feel about George Lucas or Kurt Vonnegut or Jackie Robinson when I die. Will I even leave a mark? Because if not what the hell was I put on this earth for anyway. I watched a movie once, and the hero in the movie said, "What man is a man that does not make the world better." I thought about the quote, and I think about it almost everyday. Because as it stands I don't know if I'm doing a damn bit of anything to make this world better, as a matter of fact I know that I'm not. And I struggle with that, because when I leave I want to have done something, anything to make this a better place.

I hope that I can. I hope that some day the enormity of everything that I have given or have tried to give all hits me, and I feel content with what I have done. I hope that at the end of this journey I'm not sitting around saying what if or that I should have done things differently. I realize that when it is all said and done I will probably look back and think to some extent I could have done this differently or maybe even that, but if that is the case I want to be completely used up. I want to be so used up that even if I wished that I could have done things differently I won't be able to because I have given everything that I have. Anyway, who am I really to have any of these thoughts. I'm an afterthought, I'm that funny story about that guy you knew in your twenties, I'm nobody...yet

New Years Resolution

It's that time of the year again boys and girls. Yes it is the new year and with it comes all sorts of empty and shallow promises on how this year is going to be so much different from the last, and then inevitably we end up right back here where we started from doing the same thing. But I guess that's kind of the great thing about the whole tradition. Because no matter what happens in the 365 days that are yet to come, there will be a day where you get to put that all behind you and decide to start all over with fucking up the rest of your life.

With that said I guess I should come to my new years resolution, which more than likely it should be to drop a few pounds but it is not. I was over at my uncle's house earlier tonight and I was in the room with my three little cousins, we where playing their Wii that they had just got for Christmas and boy was I having a good time. And My little cousin Jordan who is only seven years old and it just one of the cutest things that I have ever seen was just laughing and having the time of her life. And I just thought to myself that these are the moments that I want to live for. Those precious moments of complete innocence. I mean just being with all three of them tonight just made me never want to miss a single moment in their lives. Which of course I will, and I'll blink and one day they will be 18 and headed off to college. But I guess that is really not to point.

The point is, that this year my new years resolution is going to be to spread myself too thin. I want to experience everything. I want to get on the right track to starting up some sort of a career and I also want to spend as much time as a possibly can with my family laughing and eating and talking about the days when I was just a kid. And I want to spend so much time with my friends, just shooting the ship about god only knows the crazy things that we talk about. And I want to make new friends. I want to meet people that have a totally different perspective on life and I want to be surprised by them. I want to be a light in which people can see the fire burning within me and want to know me because I have made their life all to more better for that. I know that this might sound crazy but I want to do it all. I want to see things that are new and amazing and startling, because I feel that my life with be better for it. I'm 25 years old now and I think that it is about damn time that I start to make some kind of an impact on this world.

I can't believe that it is already 2010, but I really do think that this is going to be a good year, I know it in my heart. I know that I won't be able to do nearly all of the things that I have just stated on this list, but I'm damn sure going to try. I had a baseball coach that once said, "I know it's early guys, but you can sleep when you're dead." And you know what I think that he is kind of right. There are so many things left for me to see and do, what is the point in sleeping though them. This year I am going to be as tired as one person can possibly be. My body is going to feel used and abused if I have anything to say about it, and in doing this I will know that I have lived. So, I've told you mine, what's your new years resolution?